I need help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
I need help
Today my AD walked out of treament after less than 48 hrs. She said they weren't detoxing her correctly, she was dope sick and she wasn't staying. She also said the nurse told her roomate she has AIDS and her roomate is harrassing her. The place swears she told all the residents she was HIV positive in an "AIDS Awareness" seminar they had just yesterday. They put her on a bus. I have no idea if she has her things, including her HIV meds or her antibiotic.
I told her, after trying my best to get her to stay, that I would no longer take her to the HIV clinic, and would not help her get into treatment again at this time.
I told her boyfriend I may consider helping her get treatment in a few months, but not any time in the near future because I am exhasted. I told him he needs to help her, or she needs to help herself. He needs to get her to the HIV clinic (she has an appt in 3 weeks) or she needs to get herself there. he needs to help her get on medicaid, or she needs to get herself on medicaid, because i am done. He still believes her that its a bad rehab. He beilives her when she says she will get into another one right away. I breifly explained what is/was involved in getting her into this one, and asked him how he was planning on accomplishing that while still working all day long.
Her boyfriend, though not an addict, is a naive idiot.
My daughter is choosing certain death because she knows if she doesn't stop using she will die of AIDS, and soon.
I took a three hour nap to escape. Now upon awakening, I am angry at her and her boyfreind and that is a wonderful thing, because it keeps me from feeling to total and complete despair and grief over her imminent death that I felt before I took the nap.
Here's to anger!
I told her, after trying my best to get her to stay, that I would no longer take her to the HIV clinic, and would not help her get into treatment again at this time.
I told her boyfriend I may consider helping her get treatment in a few months, but not any time in the near future because I am exhasted. I told him he needs to help her, or she needs to help herself. He needs to get her to the HIV clinic (she has an appt in 3 weeks) or she needs to get herself there. he needs to help her get on medicaid, or she needs to get herself on medicaid, because i am done. He still believes her that its a bad rehab. He beilives her when she says she will get into another one right away. I breifly explained what is/was involved in getting her into this one, and asked him how he was planning on accomplishing that while still working all day long.
Her boyfriend, though not an addict, is a naive idiot.
My daughter is choosing certain death because she knows if she doesn't stop using she will die of AIDS, and soon.
I took a three hour nap to escape. Now upon awakening, I am angry at her and her boyfreind and that is a wonderful thing, because it keeps me from feeling to total and complete despair and grief over her imminent death that I felt before I took the nap.
Here's to anger!
...I don't know what to say...oh my...what a rollercoast ride....your strength to hold amazes me considering how exhausted you must be...prayers are on the way.....
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
((sleepygoat))
Sorry to hear your daughter didn't stay.
I guess she just wasn't ready, which doesn't make it any easier for you.
It's okay to be angry. I was there, too, when my oldest left his rehab.
Hugs, and take care of you.
Have you been attending any meetings, Sleepy?
Sorry to hear your daughter didn't stay.
I guess she just wasn't ready, which doesn't make it any easier for you.
It's okay to be angry. I was there, too, when my oldest left his rehab.
Hugs, and take care of you.
Have you been attending any meetings, Sleepy?
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Accept for today, that you are powerless over this disease. Just for today turn this over to your daughter and her HP.
What a let-down for you, so sorry.
Let it be, sit with this, and decide in a few days what if any action you might take.
What a let-down for you, so sorry.
Let it be, sit with this, and decide in a few days what if any action you might take.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Just sending lots of hugs and many many prayers for both of you. You can't make her stay or get treatment and it has got to be so hard to watch her self destruct. The only way I can get through really dark times is to truly turn it over to God. It isn't easy, but it does help. I'm so sorry and I hope that she will come to her senses soon.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Sending hugs and prayers. I am so sorry that she is not ready, but all the worry in the world will only do one thing and that is to make you sick. Find a way to detach as hard as it is because you have done everything that you can. Time to let go and take care of Sleepygoat for a change. Hugs, Marle
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Sleepy,
I'm sorry.
I hope you'll take extra good care of you in the coming days. You know you are powerless over her, but you're not powerless over yourself. So I pray you can choose to focus on you and give your daughter over to her HP. I imagine he's just waiting for her to get to her bottom. I pray folks will stay out of the way and let her.
Hugs and prayers for both of you,
Hangin' In
I'm sorry.
I hope you'll take extra good care of you in the coming days. You know you are powerless over her, but you're not powerless over yourself. So I pray you can choose to focus on you and give your daughter over to her HP. I imagine he's just waiting for her to get to her bottom. I pray folks will stay out of the way and let her.
Hugs and prayers for both of you,
Hangin' In
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
I know you've been exhausted. You have so much to deal with.
But, you've taken a step in taking care of yourself. Those power naps can really lift us up! Get as much rest as you can. You deserve it.
Hugs to you.
But, you've taken a step in taking care of yourself. Those power naps can really lift us up! Get as much rest as you can. You deserve it.
Hugs to you.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Sending lots and lots of hugs!!!!!
Looks and sounds like you have finally decided to get off the roller coaster ride, and sop doing the dance! GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!
If anger is what you need for right now then use it as an asset.
I know this is terrible. And it's devastating that she has HIV (as I understand from her own actions) and now it is her responsibility to take her medications, to keep them with her at all times.
It is hard to watch one of our children go downhill and not jump in to 'FIX IT' but if we try to 'fix it' we only make it worse.
I spent years with my youngest, fighting to get him all sorts of treatment, from about 7 years old on. Nothing worked. He is a Sociopath. Within 2 weeks of his 18th birthday, he had picked his victim and shot him to death. He had been planning it for several years. He got LIFE w/o Parole, and that was 1978.
Sleepy, we do the best we can, then when the child becomes an adult, the responsibility for their life becomes theirs.
I
Looks and sounds like you have finally decided to get off the roller coaster ride, and sop doing the dance! GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!
If anger is what you need for right now then use it as an asset.
I know this is terrible. And it's devastating that she has HIV (as I understand from her own actions) and now it is her responsibility to take her medications, to keep them with her at all times.
It is hard to watch one of our children go downhill and not jump in to 'FIX IT' but if we try to 'fix it' we only make it worse.
I spent years with my youngest, fighting to get him all sorts of treatment, from about 7 years old on. Nothing worked. He is a Sociopath. Within 2 weeks of his 18th birthday, he had picked his victim and shot him to death. He had been planning it for several years. He got LIFE w/o Parole, and that was 1978.
Sleepy, we do the best we can, then when the child becomes an adult, the responsibility for their life becomes theirs.
I
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
I keep flip-flopping between wanting to get high myself and say "**** it", and between quitting smoking again, exercising, taking care of myself....
I'm going to put the words "I'm sorry" in quotes, on her tombstone, because that's what she always says and then expects a free pass from everyone.
I greatly appreciate the prayers, you guys, BTW.
I am at work tonight, good to be busy on something else, but I really don't care about these brain damaged children I take care of here, right now. That's the truth. They get such great care for every little tiny nick and cut, for every little cold and cough - and they don't even know their own names, most of them, and never will. Yet the addicts have less and less options for treatment and the treatment they do have in this country allows them to walk out whenever they want. Yet we all know they have zero ability to make sane decisions, especially when detoxing. all the other countries in the world, pretty much, have LOCKED detox and rehab. that makes sense. Or else, we just put them in prison, although everyone gives lip service to the "disease" thing, our legal system locks them up for posession, etc. Yet my kids I care for here get everything, even though they have no potential for a normal life, ever.
Think its time to change my line of work? LOL.
I'm going to put the words "I'm sorry" in quotes, on her tombstone, because that's what she always says and then expects a free pass from everyone.
I greatly appreciate the prayers, you guys, BTW.
I am at work tonight, good to be busy on something else, but I really don't care about these brain damaged children I take care of here, right now. That's the truth. They get such great care for every little tiny nick and cut, for every little cold and cough - and they don't even know their own names, most of them, and never will. Yet the addicts have less and less options for treatment and the treatment they do have in this country allows them to walk out whenever they want. Yet we all know they have zero ability to make sane decisions, especially when detoxing. all the other countries in the world, pretty much, have LOCKED detox and rehab. that makes sense. Or else, we just put them in prison, although everyone gives lip service to the "disease" thing, our legal system locks them up for posession, etc. Yet my kids I care for here get everything, even though they have no potential for a normal life, ever.
Think its time to change my line of work? LOL.
Mr.MeToo?
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: East Coast to the Deep South
Posts: 828
Addicts do have a choice, they have the choice to stop using. Addiction in its most simplified (dumbed down) definition is a simple yes or no answer. Take it from a former heroin addict.
When i was actively using I used the "addiction is a disease" cop-out multiple times to justify to my parents that I could relapse and not get in trouble with them about it. It was a complete lie // manipulation on my part.
" but I really don't care about these brain damaged children I take care of here"
Thats real nice.....
When i was actively using I used the "addiction is a disease" cop-out multiple times to justify to my parents that I could relapse and not get in trouble with them about it. It was a complete lie // manipulation on my part.
" but I really don't care about these brain damaged children I take care of here"
Thats real nice.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
sorry you don't like the way I feel, ex-D, but that your problem, not mine.
Addiction is a disease. If it was a matter of 'just say no', we wouldn't need treatment, or this website.
I had a choice, after I stopped using, not duriing, and I needed a lot of help to stop and still need help and treatment (in the form of meetings). It's a serious disease with a very poor recovery rate. Blaiming the addicts just doesn't cut it. I blain the disease more than the addict. Do you have any children???? Are any of them addicts??? How does that feel?
Addiction is a disease. If it was a matter of 'just say no', we wouldn't need treatment, or this website.
I had a choice, after I stopped using, not duriing, and I needed a lot of help to stop and still need help and treatment (in the form of meetings). It's a serious disease with a very poor recovery rate. Blaiming the addicts just doesn't cut it. I blain the disease more than the addict. Do you have any children???? Are any of them addicts??? How does that feel?
Mr.MeToo?
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: East Coast to the Deep South
Posts: 828
i am an addict myself, multiple years of IV heroin use, luckily i was able to escape it without any serious disease or collapsed veins or any of that. addiction IS a choice, i CHOOSE to pick up the needle and use it, i then CHOOSE to stop doing it, and make that choice EVERYDAY. A disease is something that one has no control over and cannot ever stop (i.e AIDS or CANCER) Addiction can be stopped by the user very easily, they just have to CHOOSE to do it.
You pitying addicts for the things they do is another form of enabling, just thought id let you in on that. and no i do not have any children but being an addict myself i think i would know??
edit** part of recovery for an addict is they need to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THERE ACTIONS IN ACTIVE ADDICTION and not blame x, y , z for why they did what they did.
You pitying addicts for the things they do is another form of enabling, just thought id let you in on that. and no i do not have any children but being an addict myself i think i would know??
edit** part of recovery for an addict is they need to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THERE ACTIONS IN ACTIVE ADDICTION and not blame x, y , z for why they did what they did.
Mr.MeToo?
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: East Coast to the Deep South
Posts: 828
If you feel I am harassing you I am sorry, that was not my intention at all. Just trying to offer up a different viewpoint on the current situation you find yourself in, some people on here actually thank me once they hear some of the things that I have to say, because they "never thought about it like that".
Still....I wish the best for you and for your daughter.
Still....I wish the best for you and for your daughter.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Sleepy)))
I'm so sorry she didn't stay, and I can't imagine how hard this is for you.
I do hope you can focus on you now. As I told another friend here, even supermom's can't fix everything.
Another thing...you mentioned the thought of getting high. I found out (in hindsight) that me getting really codie over a situation I couldn't control was the beginning of my relapse. Obviously, there was a bit more to it (I wasn't working at recovery, just staying clean), but I believe it's a dangerous place for any recovering addict to be. You may be like me, and just mention it or think about it when stressed out, but immediately realize why it's NOT an option, but I care about you so have to mention it.
Sending you and your daughter many hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm so sorry she didn't stay, and I can't imagine how hard this is for you.
I do hope you can focus on you now. As I told another friend here, even supermom's can't fix everything.
Another thing...you mentioned the thought of getting high. I found out (in hindsight) that me getting really codie over a situation I couldn't control was the beginning of my relapse. Obviously, there was a bit more to it (I wasn't working at recovery, just staying clean), but I believe it's a dangerous place for any recovering addict to be. You may be like me, and just mention it or think about it when stressed out, but immediately realize why it's NOT an option, but I care about you so have to mention it.
Sending you and your daughter many hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Sleepy, Do you feel a lot of guilt that your child is an addict because of your addiction. That guilt can keep you stuck way longer than what you need to be. Recently I got into the mindset that I may never see my daughter and so I might as well give up on life and just go back to my eating disorder which I have been in recovery from for 10 years. Might as well starve my body until it just gives up. But there was a part of me that rejected that idea because I am every bit as important as my daughter. So instead of giving up on life, I decided to give up smoking and add more exercise into my daily life. Boy it is so hard to not smoke. Daily cravings. And it is so hard to add that extra 30 minutes on an exercise bike. I just want to sit on my arse when I get home from work. I am not an addict to drugs and never have been. But I am an addict to cigarettes and to food. And I do see it as a choice. I did not see it as such before, but now I realize that everyday I have a choice. And I do believe that everyday my daughter has a choice. She has always chosen the easier path and still continues to do that. It is a choice to live a healthy life or one that will eventually kill her. Not easy to quit but it can be done. You are proof of that. Guilt for your daughter's illness will only keep you enmeshed in her problems. I know because I have been there done that. My daughter is an only child too so I know the added hurt of that. Step away from her and let her figure it out. You really have no control(and that is perhaps the hardest thing for us moms to grasp). I say all this with love because I know it hurts like hell. Hugs, Marle
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