After two years clean, my daughter used meth...
On a tear
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
After two years clean, my daughter used meth...
... and I am not going crazy.
Oh what a blessing THAT is!
She used with her husband (they met in rehab two years ago). They both decided after using twice with another couple, that this was not what they wanted. But husband wanted to continue with smoking pot, buying pot and using pot around the kids.
Daughter said "NO" drugs, means no drugs. THAT is the fight that got him arrested and her (and the two babies) moved back into our home.
She is the one who told me about the meth, though I already knew about the pot (she doesn't like pot, so she had already stopped using that).
I am watching as she reevaluates what are her true values... for the first time, she is realizing the concrete differences between her and the folks who have been hanging around. She has significantly different values, especially when it comes to the kids.
It will be up to her to decide if she can stay away from her husband long enough to figure out what she wants. And perhaps to give him time to decide if he even wants to change his current lifestyle. To him, selling drugs, using around kids, hanging with others with low morales and values, is how HE grew up. It is his "normal". And changing to something new and different scares him.
I pray that HP can get her where she needs to be, and I can keep my focus on me and MY issues. So far - I am doing much better than I ever imagined.
Time to make my meetings a priority... and my literature. I am in contact with my sponsor and have figured out a way to make the phone work for me (I call from my cell while driving - it seems so much EASIER than calling from the house, it might be a privacy thing).
So I have my program tools. I have you guys here at SR. And I have concrete knowledge, based on prior experience, that this can be part of God's will for me and my family. My job is to not get in His way.... easier said than done! But definitely doable.
Oh what a blessing THAT is!
She used with her husband (they met in rehab two years ago). They both decided after using twice with another couple, that this was not what they wanted. But husband wanted to continue with smoking pot, buying pot and using pot around the kids.
Daughter said "NO" drugs, means no drugs. THAT is the fight that got him arrested and her (and the two babies) moved back into our home.
She is the one who told me about the meth, though I already knew about the pot (she doesn't like pot, so she had already stopped using that).
I am watching as she reevaluates what are her true values... for the first time, she is realizing the concrete differences between her and the folks who have been hanging around. She has significantly different values, especially when it comes to the kids.
It will be up to her to decide if she can stay away from her husband long enough to figure out what she wants. And perhaps to give him time to decide if he even wants to change his current lifestyle. To him, selling drugs, using around kids, hanging with others with low morales and values, is how HE grew up. It is his "normal". And changing to something new and different scares him.
I pray that HP can get her where she needs to be, and I can keep my focus on me and MY issues. So far - I am doing much better than I ever imagined.
Time to make my meetings a priority... and my literature. I am in contact with my sponsor and have figured out a way to make the phone work for me (I call from my cell while driving - it seems so much EASIER than calling from the house, it might be a privacy thing).
So I have my program tools. I have you guys here at SR. And I have concrete knowledge, based on prior experience, that this can be part of God's will for me and my family. My job is to not get in His way.... easier said than done! But definitely doable.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
BigSis....there is such a sense of hope in your post even though your daughter is going through such a challenging time....yes, you have the tools, us at SR.. and prior knowledge, and she has 2 years clean...I feel so hopeful for you both..and I look forward to hearing about the journey to come..I. too, believe this is God's will for your family...and you have such a wonderful additude around that, bless ya, girl.....
and prior knowledge, and she has 2 years clean...I feel so hopeful for you both..and I look forward to hearing about the journey to come..I. too, believe this is God's will for your family...and you have such a wonderful additude around that, bless ya, girl..... Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
BigSis, I have that hope for my daughter too that someday the values that she was raised with will win out over the lifestyle that she is living with a man who never had good values to begin with. Good for you and for your daughter. Sending hugs and prayers for you both. Marle
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Faith~Hope~Love
Posts: 963
(((bigsis)))
Wow, I see such growth in your daughter and in YOU ... what an inspiration. I know I found so much more peace and comfort when my son started inching towards a better lifestyle on his own, than when I was "willing" him to do it.
Lots of love and continued prayers for all of you
Wow, I see such growth in your daughter and in YOU ... what an inspiration. I know I found so much more peace and comfort when my son started inching towards a better lifestyle on his own, than when I was "willing" him to do it.
Lots of love and continued prayers for all of you
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I'm inspired too, BigSis, this is the kind of things that would trigger anyone without solid recovery and yours is shining brightly.
I'm sorry she is going through this, it can't be easy leaving him, and my prayers go out that she uses HER recovery to keep herself on a good path.
Hugs
I'm sorry she is going through this, it can't be easy leaving him, and my prayers go out that she uses HER recovery to keep herself on a good path.
Hugs
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Wow, Sis...I am impressed! Would you come sit by me? I want some of that to rub off on me. 
I can't tell you how many times I've thought regarding my AD, "Can't she see, can't she see?"
I admire you for "seeing" that you can't make her see. I love that page in the ODAT book (or could be Courage to Change...can't remember) that says when we get out of the way, the light from their HP can shine right through to them.
I pray that her HP really shines the light on her, heating up her recovery. And I pray that she'll also be able to see her marriage as it really is and how it will be unless her husband gets back into recovery. The "staying away" will probably be the hard part, so I'll be praying that her HP will give her extra strength in the days to come as she makes some pivotal decisions regarding her life and the life of her children.
And, of course, prayers for you. So glad you have meetings and recovery friends. Good glory, what would we do without them?
Watching our kids go through this stuff has to be THE hardest thing ever. But you're hanging tough Sis, and showing us how recovery really works.
Now.... if these girls would only listen to their mamas!
Hugs,
Hangin' In
I can't tell you how many times I've thought regarding my AD, "Can't she see, can't she see?"
I admire you for "seeing" that you can't make her see. I love that page in the ODAT book (or could be Courage to Change...can't remember) that says when we get out of the way, the light from their HP can shine right through to them.
I pray that her HP really shines the light on her, heating up her recovery. And I pray that she'll also be able to see her marriage as it really is and how it will be unless her husband gets back into recovery. The "staying away" will probably be the hard part, so I'll be praying that her HP will give her extra strength in the days to come as she makes some pivotal decisions regarding her life and the life of her children.
And, of course, prayers for you. So glad you have meetings and recovery friends. Good glory, what would we do without them?
Watching our kids go through this stuff has to be THE hardest thing ever. But you're hanging tough Sis, and showing us how recovery really works.
Now.... if these girls would only listen to their mamas!
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Thanks for more inspiration and hope. As tough a time as it is for your daughter, it must be a joy too to see her choosing a better life over more of the same. If she has half the strength and wisdom of her wonderful mom, she'll be just fine! I'm so glad you are cranking up the meetings and support system...it helps you, and you help us all...How cool!
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
BigSis, I love what SpiritualSeeker said, "Relapse is a symptom of addiction"
I remember when I used to drug. I went to rehab got out and within a week I was right back at it. But, it didnt' last long. I relapsed. A very short time later I thought about how I had spent that time clean and it actually felt better than high.
I moved away from it all. I never touched it again. That was 30 years ago.
I hope that her wheels are spinning in that direction. That sober feels better than high.
I remember when I used to drug. I went to rehab got out and within a week I was right back at it. But, it didnt' last long. I relapsed. A very short time later I thought about how I had spent that time clean and it actually felt better than high.
I moved away from it all. I never touched it again. That was 30 years ago.
I hope that her wheels are spinning in that direction. That sober feels better than high.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I am so glad you are using your "TOOLS" so well!!!
Since she is living with you at the moment, I don't think it would be out of line to invite her to come along to one of your Alanon or Naranon meetings. Let's face it she's going to to need Alanon also and could become another Double Winner. As you know many of those that are sober today and/or in AA came in through the 'back door' of Alanon, and there are many in Alanon that came in through the 'back door' of AA (me, lol). Just a thought.
A casual "I'm going to a meeting would you like to come?" and let her decide. To me that is not enabling that is just opening a door and giving the addict/alkie an option.
But, I must reiterate your recovery is SHINING right now!!!! You go girl!!!!!!
Love and lots of hugs,
Since she is living with you at the moment, I don't think it would be out of line to invite her to come along to one of your Alanon or Naranon meetings. Let's face it she's going to to need Alanon also and could become another Double Winner. As you know many of those that are sober today and/or in AA came in through the 'back door' of Alanon, and there are many in Alanon that came in through the 'back door' of AA (me, lol). Just a thought.
A casual "I'm going to a meeting would you like to come?" and let her decide. To me that is not enabling that is just opening a door and giving the addict/alkie an option.
But, I must reiterate your recovery is SHINING right now!!!! You go girl!!!!!!
Love and lots of hugs,
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((BigSis)))
I think you are doing great!!!
When I relapsed, I had had enough clean time to be away from that lifestyle, that the relapse was short-lived. I also realized that I needed to do more, than just stay clean. So, I came here to SR and started working on recovery. I'm hoping your daughter is at the same place. No matter how low I went in my addiction, the values and morals I grew up with are still there, and that's something else I'm grateful for.
Hugs and prayers to you and your daughter!
Amy
I think you are doing great!!!
When I relapsed, I had had enough clean time to be away from that lifestyle, that the relapse was short-lived. I also realized that I needed to do more, than just stay clean. So, I came here to SR and started working on recovery. I'm hoping your daughter is at the same place. No matter how low I went in my addiction, the values and morals I grew up with are still there, and that's something else I'm grateful for.
Hugs and prayers to you and your daughter!
Amy
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Right here somewhere
Posts: 509
They say the further away from your last fix, the closer you are to your next.
Sounds like she just *forgot* that using doesnt work anymore. Research and development is part of this disease.
Lets hope she stays inthe development department a while longer. Hang in there!
Sounds like she just *forgot* that using doesnt work anymore. Research and development is part of this disease.
Lets hope she stays inthe development department a while longer. Hang in there!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Sis,
Your recovery is shining. Your daughter has some really important life lessons to learn and some hard decisions to make. I believe that you and Mr. Big will be able to set some good examples of how life *could* be for her if she chooses the path of recovery for herself and the babies.
Hugs
Cats
Your recovery is shining. Your daughter has some really important life lessons to learn and some hard decisions to make. I believe that you and Mr. Big will be able to set some good examples of how life *could* be for her if she chooses the path of recovery for herself and the babies.
Hugs
Cats
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: homebased
Posts: 408
Wishing you continued serenity....
you are a shining example of how important it is to maintain recovery by working it 24/7.....
not just when drama hits but each and every day so that there will be no blindsiding....(advice I would often do well to follow)
It seems part of the disease to need to give it one more try...
after a horrific relapse a few years ago, my son said from a hospital bed "I thought I had one more run in me"
please know that you and your family are always in my prayers....
each day I request comfort and healing for all who suffer as the result of addiction...
(((blessings)))
you are a shining example of how important it is to maintain recovery by working it 24/7.....
not just when drama hits but each and every day so that there will be no blindsiding....(advice I would often do well to follow)
It seems part of the disease to need to give it one more try...
after a horrific relapse a few years ago, my son said from a hospital bed "I thought I had one more run in me"
please know that you and your family are always in my prayers....
each day I request comfort and healing for all who suffer as the result of addiction...
(((blessings)))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: SC
Posts: 1,027
(((bigsis)))
I'm praying too that this was it for her.
I knew there was a reason I always looked to your words for wisdom, comfort and experience. What a bright shining example of what recovery can do for US you are!
:ghug3
I'm praying too that this was it for her.
I knew there was a reason I always looked to your words for wisdom, comfort and experience. What a bright shining example of what recovery can do for US you are!
:ghug3
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