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When will this end?!?!

Old 02-29-2008, 09:23 AM
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Angry When will this end?!?!

I just don't understand why this can't end. I left my addict ex boyfriend, it's been a while now. I'm working really hard at moving on with my life, and I think so far, I've done a pretty decent job of it. Then, I go to buy something the other day to find out my credit card is maxed out - and that he's been treating himself to hundreds of dollars of online purchases - courtesy of me. I have no idea how he got my credit card or anything else.
I had had it. Absolutely, positively had it. I have put up with stolen credit cards, stolen money, etc etc etc. And I'm just done. So I did what probably should have been done a while ago - I filed a dispute with the credit card and a police report to go along with it.
He claims it was a mistake. Which I know it wasn't. He's much too aware of exactly how much money he has aware on credit cards and everything else. There is no way.

But I just want to know when is this DONE? I've done all the right things. I left. I changed my address. I forwarded my mail. All those pain in the butt things you have to do when you move. I've done it all plus some. I have cut him out of my life and worked really hard to just move on. And he still can't let me go. He still has to keep pulling me into this world - in a way that I can't avoid, because now he's ruining my credit and my finances.
I'm exhausted. I thought this part was over. The fighting and the battling for things that just shouldn't have to be fought and battled over. But every time I think it's done - something else happens.
Will my life EVER be my own again? Will I ever be able to move on without looking over my shoulder to make sure that there's nobody trying to screw up what I've worked so hard for? :wtf2

I just want it to end....
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Old 02-29-2008, 09:29 AM
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Oh I'm so sorry that you are having to continue to go through this!! You have done all the right things. You will be able to outrun him sooner or later. He will eventually move on and unfortunately, find someone else to victimize soon enough. You keep doing what your doing and fighting the good fight!!

Luckily, I haven't lost too much to my AH. It ended about as quickly as it started. It didn't hurt any less. I couldn't figure out why we weren't making our bills then I did some digging. He will be back in my life soon and I will keep a close eye on EVERYTHING, the ATM withdrawals, the things of worth that he could potentially pawn and that sort of thing. We are living, breathing targets to addicts.

Good luck. I hope this is the end for you. I'm proud of you for calling the police. Your life will be your own again soon.
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Old 02-29-2008, 09:33 AM
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Thank you - I needed that. I had a brief moment of weakness this morning. Thinking about him being arrested, having those charges on his record, etc etc. But what else can I do? How much money do I have to lose before he realizes there are consequences? And I can hear the words already - all you care about is money, etc etc etc.... Well, yeah - I guess I do right now. I'm working damn hard to get my finances straight again - why shouldn't I?
I just can't help feeling like, what next? It's so frustrating
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Old 02-29-2008, 09:53 AM
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Look, he's not thinking about you when he's virtualy stealing from you so you can't care what the repurcussions are for him. Only if he has consquences for what he is doing to you will he stop.

You have consequences. You were raised with consequences. Those consequences made you the strong woman you are today. They are neccessary otherwise everybody would be running amuck and the world would be in complete chaos right?
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Old 02-29-2008, 10:01 AM
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I think I needed that. Thank you.
Without consequences, the world would clearly run as his is right now!! Well, as it was.

This is obviously not how I want to spend my life. Filing police reports is clearly not my idea of a fun time. And it's not like I've had to search for reasons to file them. I've given warnings, I've let things go. Clearly this isn't going to stop until something else happens.

Ugh!
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Old 02-29-2008, 10:09 AM
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Hi,
My AD stole my debit card, over $500. I filed charges. Like anvile said, if it was anyone else I would, why should she have different rules? Three years ago she broke in our house and stole computer (new!) and other electronic, I pressed charges then. She was never caught and did it again.

actions have consequences for us all.

By the way, welcome to SR. It's a great place.
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Old 02-29-2008, 10:11 AM
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Will I ever be able to move on without looking over my shoulder to make sure that there's nobody trying to screw up what I've worked so hard for?
That question rings a bell with me, though not because of addictions. I'm sure everyone can relate to it on some level. For me, it's because of traumatic events from my past. It took a long time and a lot of therapy to get past paranoia, and onto overall caution.

I see flags now that the old me would have ignored. Some are yellow and I proceed with caution. Others are red and I do a 180 on a dime.
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Old 02-29-2008, 10:11 AM
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Again - Thank you.
Yesterday I didn't hesitate. I marched myself straight over to the police department and filed the report. It's done. No taking it back. Just now the second guessing begins. I followed up on some of the claims he made about talking to the credit card company. I knew he was lying, but needed to confirm it for myself. Obviously, I was right. I guess I just needed somebody to tell me I was - the credit card lady actually laughed when I told her what he said he proposed as a solution.

I just want it to stop. I know I am doing what I need to do. But I want to know when I don't need to do it anymore. I just want him to go back to his other addict friends and family who don't give him any consequences and leave me alone. But he won't. Every time I move more in the right direction - there he is, causing more issues that I'm forced to clean up.
Hopefully this will be the end - and he'll get that I'm not playing anymore. Hopefully...
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Old 02-29-2008, 10:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Newcomer... View Post
Thank you - I needed that. I had a brief moment of weakness this morning. Thinking about him being arrested, having those charges on his record, etc etc. But what else can I do? How much money do I have to lose before he realizes there are consequences? And I can hear the words already - all you care about is money, etc etc etc....
Wow, I could have written this!!! I JUST and I mean within the last couple of days got the "all you care about is money" guilt trip. Congratulations for overcoming your moment of weakness!! I would have been worrying about the exact same things as you - "poor him, I feel bad that he will be arrested, and maybe have to go to jail. Maybe I shouldn't report that HE STOLD MY CREDIT CARD AND RAN IT UP". Oh, we are sick.
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Old 02-29-2008, 10:26 AM
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I know, I know... I keep telling myself that. Just when I see the emails he writes me and listen to the voicemails about how he swears it was a mistake, I get sucked right back in. Guess I just need a reality check every now and then!
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Old 02-29-2008, 10:31 AM
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I feel that way about ice cream!
It's a girls night out tonight... so hopefully that will help as well!
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Old 02-29-2008, 11:16 AM
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have fun!!
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Old 02-29-2008, 12:12 PM
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You did the right thing. If I had it to do over again I would have charged my son the second time he stole from me. I might have given him one chance to make good, but that would have been it. Like you, it just took me forever to "get it" that he was a thief and I had been robbed, simple as that no matter how much Febreze you throw at it.

If you want it to end, perhaps change all your bank cards and credit cards to new numbers and new pins. And maybe change your e-mail and phones so you don't have to listen to him whine.

It never fails to amaze me how far they will go and still expect us codies to feel sorry for them or feel selfish. Yikes!

Glad you are on the right track here, it does lead to a better place, I promise.

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Old 03-01-2008, 11:23 AM
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Thanks to all of you for the support. A family member of his is paying what he stole so that the charges will be dropped. At this point, I want my money. I NEED my money. So I'm taking it - it's a 2 month process to dispute with the credit card. I am hoping I got the point across by calling the police. If not, next time I will not be so kind.... I hope I'm making the right decision, in some ways I'd like to charge him to make a point. But also hoping I already made one by filing the report in the first place - I've threatened to before, but never actually did.
I suppose we'll see...
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