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Withdrawal fights

Old 02-27-2008, 03:11 AM
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Withdrawal fights

My husband is addicted to painkillers. Everytime he getsthem he goes thru them in about a week, should last a month. We go thru this cycle every month for the past 3 years. He spends 3 weeks withdrawing and the anger and bitterness and fights start bc he is irriatable and totally unreasonable. Last nite was the worst one ever; said horrible ragous things and am seriously thinking of leaving. However, he still denies he has a roblem and is very irrational right now until he gets more which will be today.Then he becomes mr niceguy and all is well. Which is the real him? on or off the drugs?
I can't believe this has happened to the most wonderful person I ever knew and loved.
I cannot reason w/him at all when he is off his meds and everything becomes a major batle and I find myself walking on eggs. However the house is mine and was before we married, no kids at home and we both work, but I make considerably more than he does. So if I throw him out, he has no place literally to go. I have a hard time w/that but I dont want to live like this either. A m so very depressed and desperate. I have trieid alanon but this is out of my reach right now. I have been having major anxiety and sleepless nights with this and I tend to fight back bc I'm having trouble holding myself together.
He blames all of his life failures on me when hes like this and it is insane!!!
Needing prayers and a hug.
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Old 02-27-2008, 03:17 AM
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It's amazing how much addiction can change and take away from everyone it touches.

I'm a pill addict myself and I am still repairing the damage I did to my family almost a year later. It is getting better though, one day at a time.

My thoughts and prayers are with you while you make a decision on what to do next.
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Old 02-27-2008, 04:41 AM
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Sending you some really big cyber hugs and prayers. He does have somewhere that he can go. He can go to rehab and kicking him out could be what he needs to reach out for help. You are just as important as he is and you need to take good care of you. Hugs, Marle
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Old 02-27-2008, 04:50 AM
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The thing about addiction that we don't realize when it enters our lives is that it affects us, the non-addicted ones who love the A. Read around here, pick up some literature (I like Codependent No More by Melody Beattie) and try to understand that YOU have been harmed by his addiction also. It can be a very eye-opening experience to discover that you ARE suffering from an addiction (to your loved one) but that YOU have the power to change that (not his addiction, though, only he can tackle that one). I have found a WEALTH of experience reading on this website for the past several months. I hope you stick around and find some answers to your questions, and some calm for your fears!
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Old 02-27-2008, 09:53 AM
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I am soooo sorry you're going through this.........

"... Everytime he getsthem he goes thru them in about a week...He spends 3 weeks withdrawing...Which is the real him? on or off the drugs?.."

I'm a wee bit confused.....he's mean 'n nasty 'n bitter 'n fighting 'n 'n 'n .....for the three weeks when he has run out of the pills?

If this is the case, my subjective opinion is he's just become a natural born jerk.....I don't know any pain meds that take three week of withdrawals...just my opinion tho....


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Old 02-27-2008, 11:13 AM
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I've been struggling with this too. Will The Real Husband Please Stand Up? Wish I had an answer for you (and me) after all these months. Recently he was Mr. Happy for a few weeks, and now he's back to Mr. Poopy-drawers. Which is which? Not having known about the cycle of pills before, I don't have a handle on "the results".

I'm in the process of divorcing him though, too many years and too much damage (I didn't find out until I asked for the divorce about the addiction). He obviously does not admit he has a big problem either. He did try to taper and quit, but no recovery work, and after all the reading and meetings I've done, I now realize that without recovery work somehow this problem will never go away on its own. He's ordering more pills that I do know about, stronger dosage - I don't see an end in site yet.

I'm with Noelle above, I think my AH just has major issues that he never dealt with and when he discovered the numbling qualities of the opiates - hey, that fixed everything, right? I find it a cop-out. In consequence, with or without the pills, he's a pretty unhappy person most of the time, with little bouts of Mr. Happy. Not enough Mr. Happy time to make and sustain a loving relationship though.

Good luck with all this. Keep reading! Take care of yourself!
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Old 02-27-2008, 12:37 PM
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Thanks

Thank you all for the support, I don't know which direction
i'm heading in, just seems downward right now.....very depressed.
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Old 02-27-2008, 12:46 PM
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It sounds as if your husband is getting his medication from a doctor. My dh informed my doctor that I was abusing the medications she was giving me. She didn't say anything to him, but it flagged my record (I'm a military dependent). I was so angry at the time but really, I don't have to have the discussion when I go in for anything. My medications continue to be non narcotic and I am subject to pill counts for anything else (benzo's, which I no longer take) and my antidepressant (go ahead and count that..).

I am not giving you advice, just telling you what worked for us.
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Old 02-27-2008, 05:02 PM
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Which is the real him? on or off the drugs?
Actually, the problem is neither one of them are the real him. He's an addict. His brain is messed up. It takes more than 3 weeks to recover from drug addiction and become a whole person again. It takes months and months and sometimes years of REAL RECOVERY. And in my experience, you don't go back to being the person you were before you started using drugs. You become a completely new person. One who never would have used the drugs in the first place.

I think that it is important to focus on the behavior that you will and will not accept in your life. Set boundaries for how you will allow people to treat you. Write them down. Write down the steps you will take if someone violates your boundaries. And most important, follow through.

Example of a boundary:

People will treat me with respect in my house or they will have to leave.
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Old 02-27-2008, 07:59 PM
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Originally Posted by hello-kitty View Post
Actually, the problem is neither one of them are the real him. He's an addict. His brain is messed up. It takes more than 3 weeks to recover from drug addiction and become a whole person again. It takes months and months and sometimes years of REAL RECOVERY. And in my experience, you don't go back to being the person you were before you started using drugs. You become a completely new person. One who never would have used the drugs in the first place.

I think that it is important to focus on the behavior that you will and will not accept in your life. Set boundaries for how you will allow people to treat you. Write them down. Write down the steps you will take if someone violates your boundaries. And most important, follow through.

Example of a boundary:

People will treat me with respect in my house or they will have to leave.
Well said hello-kitty.
Skeetermag, your story is similar to mine right now. Hugs and prayers are going out to you. May we find the strength to take care of US!
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Old 02-27-2008, 08:45 PM
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Skeetermag, My AH had been on painkillers for 7 years. I understand what you mean about the cycle of use. I got to the point where I would even think, "I wish he'd take some more pills," just to give me some peace. I know that sounds awful, but it was at that point. Keep reading this forum, because there is a lot of good info here. My AH also got very irrational and unreasonable when he was deep into his addiction. It literally drove me crazy trying to have a rational conversation with him! It is a very scary thing to see somebody taken over like that. I agree with the others that you need to set your boundaries as to what kind of behavior you expect.
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Old 02-27-2008, 09:36 PM
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Skeetermag,

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Can I ask what did you mean by saying you tried Al Anon but "this is out of my reach right now"? If you just went to one or two meetings, that's not enough. I know when I first started going to my meetings, I thought those folks were crazy. They told me to come to at least six meetings. And if after that I was still miserable, they'd refund my misery..

And like Marle said, he could and would have somenwhere to go if he chose to do so. Addicts are very resourceful people and I bet you a dollar to a doughnut he'd find a place real quick like.

Recovery has taught me that I have to take healthy care of myself. And if that means setting some boundaries (and that is very hard sometimes), meaning deciding what is and isn't acceptable behavior to have around me, then so be it. I've had to do that, Skeeter, in order to restore sanity to my life.

I did it by attending meetings and reading on this board and listening to people in recovery who are making it .... those folks that have peace and serenity in the midst of the storm. I have to work my recovery everyday. It's a lifestyle, not just a meeting here and there. And I wouldn't take $1,000,000 for what I've learned in recovery.

Hugs and prayers. It can get better. It starts with you deciding what can be the first step, even a tiny, baby step toward you taking healthy care of you.

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Old 02-28-2008, 10:07 AM
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I can really relate, although I can't imagine living with opiate withdrawl every month for years! Wow! 4 times has been enough for me.

We tried to seperate last year, but my husband had no car, job or place to live, so I took him back on a provisional basis pending on him cleaning up his act. He did better for awhile, never got a program but I think realizing he didn't have a pot to **** in made him motivated to save our marriage. Now we're right back to where we started. He complains about me having all the "power" in the relationship, but its not my fault he's never finished school, quits his jobs, and spends his energy feeding his addictions while I've been working hard and have a great career and doing well in grad school.
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