Step Study ~ Step Seven
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Step Study ~ Step Seven
Step 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings
From How Al Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics pp 56-57
Many people confuse humility with humiliation. But humiliation is a form of abuse and has no place in our spiritual growth. When we speak of humility, we speak about self-acceptance. In Step Six, we learned to accept our part in our relationship with our Higher Power. We recognized that we are not all –powerful and that there are limits to what we can achieve by ourselves. We can no longer go back to the oblivion of denial, yet we’re not capable of effectively eliminating those aspects of our personalities that cause us embarrassment or make our lives unmanageable. We have little choice but to accept ourselves as we are, with all our limitations. And chief among those limitations is the fact that we cannot cure ourselves. By accepting that God can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves, we begin to achieve the humility that is necessary for change to take place. In Step Seven, we put that acceptance to work. We take action.
Nonetheless, even after we accept the fact that we need the assistance of a Higher Power, many of us try to figure out exactly what we need and hand our Higher Power a list of tasks to fulfill on our behalf. This is not humility, this is self-will. True humility is based upon letting go of self-will and relying instead upon the will of our Higher Power. Again, we admit that our own resources have let us down and we need help. To ask for such help is to take a huge leap of faith – to truly place ourselves, our futures, and our actions in the care of God.
Then, for the first time in the Twelve Steps, we ask God directly for help. We neither grovel, regarding our needs as shameful, nor do we demand, treating our needs as all-important. There are a variety of ways to ask. We may pray, meditate, visualize, write, speak aloud, or sing our requests, but whatever form we choose, we communicate our desire to be free of excess baggage. We simply speak from the heart.
From How Al Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics pp 56-57
Many people confuse humility with humiliation. But humiliation is a form of abuse and has no place in our spiritual growth. When we speak of humility, we speak about self-acceptance. In Step Six, we learned to accept our part in our relationship with our Higher Power. We recognized that we are not all –powerful and that there are limits to what we can achieve by ourselves. We can no longer go back to the oblivion of denial, yet we’re not capable of effectively eliminating those aspects of our personalities that cause us embarrassment or make our lives unmanageable. We have little choice but to accept ourselves as we are, with all our limitations. And chief among those limitations is the fact that we cannot cure ourselves. By accepting that God can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves, we begin to achieve the humility that is necessary for change to take place. In Step Seven, we put that acceptance to work. We take action.
Nonetheless, even after we accept the fact that we need the assistance of a Higher Power, many of us try to figure out exactly what we need and hand our Higher Power a list of tasks to fulfill on our behalf. This is not humility, this is self-will. True humility is based upon letting go of self-will and relying instead upon the will of our Higher Power. Again, we admit that our own resources have let us down and we need help. To ask for such help is to take a huge leap of faith – to truly place ourselves, our futures, and our actions in the care of God.
Then, for the first time in the Twelve Steps, we ask God directly for help. We neither grovel, regarding our needs as shameful, nor do we demand, treating our needs as all-important. There are a variety of ways to ask. We may pray, meditate, visualize, write, speak aloud, or sing our requests, but whatever form we choose, we communicate our desire to be free of excess baggage. We simply speak from the heart.
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Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II 1/31
After working Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps zealously for over a year, I was despondent over my continuing lapses into self-pity and resentment over the alcoholic’s inability to give me the emotional support I wanted. One evening during a meditation on the Sixth and Seventh Steps, three words seemed to flash in my mind: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character, and we humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
I suddenly realized that much of my zealous working of the program had been the exercise of my own limited power. With a new and sincere humility, I asked God to remove my shortcomings. When I saw the alcoholic the next morning, it was as if a veil had been lifted from my eyes. I saw her suffering, struggling to stay sober, and I had compassion for my own struggle as well. My self-pity and resentment were gone.
Today’s Reminder
I want to be ready for shortcomings to be removed, and I will do what I can to prepare. I can develop a non-judgmental awareness of myself, accept what I discover, and be fully willing to change. But I lack the power to heal myself. Only my Higher Power can do that.
“I accept the fact that I need help in being restored to sanity, and that I cannot achieve this without help.”
============
In working Step Seven, some of us pray for the willingness to release our shortcomings and then trust that God will take them from us.
The following questions may generate thought and discussion on Step Seven
What does humility mean to me? List people I know who possess this trait
How am I humble? What can help me to be more so?
What old behaviors get in the way of my being humble?
What defects am I ready to have removed?
Do I believe that my Higher Power can rid me of my defects? How do I know this?
Am I ready to ask God to remove my defects?
How do I humbly ask God to take my shortcomings?
Which shortcoming is causing me the most trouble right now? What benefits do I get from it? What problems does it cause?
How can I treat myself with compassion in my recovery and ask for the willingness to keep trying?
Do I have a sponsor? If I don’t have one, how can I ask someone to help me?
What character defects will I have to overcome to allow myself to turn to a sponsor for help?
What can I do to cooperate with my Higher Power in removing my shortcomings?
What positive changes can I make in myself?
What positive trait do I want to develop or substitute for a trait I want to eliminate?
What can I do this week to practice a positive trait?
Have I had any fears removed from my life? Which ones?
What negative behaviors or traits are lessening or have been removed?
What slogan could remind me to find a substitute for a negative behavior I wish to release?
Am I able to see challenges as opportunities to practice new character traits?
Am I able to laugh fondly at my mistakes and not be devastated when I am not perfect?
Can I love and celebrate my humanness while working for balance?
As I turn my defects over to God, are new shortcomings coming to light? If so, can I continue to ask God for help?
As I work Step Seven, do I see a change in relationship with my Higher Power?
After working Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps zealously for over a year, I was despondent over my continuing lapses into self-pity and resentment over the alcoholic’s inability to give me the emotional support I wanted. One evening during a meditation on the Sixth and Seventh Steps, three words seemed to flash in my mind: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character, and we humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
I suddenly realized that much of my zealous working of the program had been the exercise of my own limited power. With a new and sincere humility, I asked God to remove my shortcomings. When I saw the alcoholic the next morning, it was as if a veil had been lifted from my eyes. I saw her suffering, struggling to stay sober, and I had compassion for my own struggle as well. My self-pity and resentment were gone.
Today’s Reminder
I want to be ready for shortcomings to be removed, and I will do what I can to prepare. I can develop a non-judgmental awareness of myself, accept what I discover, and be fully willing to change. But I lack the power to heal myself. Only my Higher Power can do that.
“I accept the fact that I need help in being restored to sanity, and that I cannot achieve this without help.”
============
In working Step Seven, some of us pray for the willingness to release our shortcomings and then trust that God will take them from us.
The following questions may generate thought and discussion on Step Seven
What does humility mean to me? List people I know who possess this trait
How am I humble? What can help me to be more so?
What old behaviors get in the way of my being humble?
What defects am I ready to have removed?
Do I believe that my Higher Power can rid me of my defects? How do I know this?
Am I ready to ask God to remove my defects?
How do I humbly ask God to take my shortcomings?
Which shortcoming is causing me the most trouble right now? What benefits do I get from it? What problems does it cause?
How can I treat myself with compassion in my recovery and ask for the willingness to keep trying?
Do I have a sponsor? If I don’t have one, how can I ask someone to help me?
What character defects will I have to overcome to allow myself to turn to a sponsor for help?
What can I do to cooperate with my Higher Power in removing my shortcomings?
What positive changes can I make in myself?
What positive trait do I want to develop or substitute for a trait I want to eliminate?
What can I do this week to practice a positive trait?
Have I had any fears removed from my life? Which ones?
What negative behaviors or traits are lessening or have been removed?
What slogan could remind me to find a substitute for a negative behavior I wish to release?
Am I able to see challenges as opportunities to practice new character traits?
Am I able to laugh fondly at my mistakes and not be devastated when I am not perfect?
Can I love and celebrate my humanness while working for balance?
As I turn my defects over to God, are new shortcomings coming to light? If so, can I continue to ask God for help?
As I work Step Seven, do I see a change in relationship with my Higher Power?
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I remember the first time I read Step 7. It looked to be the easiest step of all. All I had to do was ASK. (it wasn't that easy....)
I had to uncover my character defects (Step 4), then I had to admit them to God, to myself and another human being (Step 5), then I had to become entirely ready to have God remove ALL my defects of character (step 6) and finally, HUMBLY ask Him to remove my shortcomings.
It's not important HOW you ask, just that you ASK. The 'humbly' part was a bit tricky... to me it meant that if I asked my HP to remove a shortcoming, I probably ought to MEAN it. And there were some I just wasn't ready to have removed. Which meant I would need to do a bit more work on Step 6.
I did that little dance for awhile, I must admit.
I had to uncover my character defects (Step 4), then I had to admit them to God, to myself and another human being (Step 5), then I had to become entirely ready to have God remove ALL my defects of character (step 6) and finally, HUMBLY ask Him to remove my shortcomings.
It's not important HOW you ask, just that you ASK. The 'humbly' part was a bit tricky... to me it meant that if I asked my HP to remove a shortcoming, I probably ought to MEAN it. And there were some I just wasn't ready to have removed. Which meant I would need to do a bit more work on Step 6.
I did that little dance for awhile, I must admit.
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Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
"Which shortcoming is causing me the most trouble right now? What benefits do I get from it? What problems does it cause?"
Questions like this are really good for me. Sometimes I get so caught up in the details that I don't know what is what....too many, too much. A question like this helps me to reel it all back in. I've really been taking a hard look at what the payoffs are for my character defects. I can be a procrastinator and lazy so sometimes I choose to avoid step 7 - everytime I humbly ask HP to remove a defect I seem to get a whole lot more practice with that defect. So when I ask - I know what I am setting myself up for....an even bigger dose so that I can really work on whatever it is. I'm getting to the point of acceptance though...might as well just go on and get started with whatever it is.
Thanks - Donna
Questions like this are really good for me. Sometimes I get so caught up in the details that I don't know what is what....too many, too much. A question like this helps me to reel it all back in. I've really been taking a hard look at what the payoffs are for my character defects. I can be a procrastinator and lazy so sometimes I choose to avoid step 7 - everytime I humbly ask HP to remove a defect I seem to get a whole lot more practice with that defect. So when I ask - I know what I am setting myself up for....an even bigger dose so that I can really work on whatever it is. I'm getting to the point of acceptance though...might as well just go on and get started with whatever it is.
Thanks - Donna
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everytime I humbly ask HP to remove a defect I seem to get a whole lot more practice with that defect.
NOT something I will ask for again. sheesh
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Join Date: Mar 2002
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Step 7 was a new experience for me....to pray and ask for something and then really believe that it would happen. I put my garbage out then kept checking to see if it was gone.
The easy stuff was gone. But I had to work a little harder on some of the tougher ones like patience (yup, me too) and the need to interfere. And that was okay because at least the field had been narrowed down and I could clearly see what I had not quite given up. That was the funny part...God would take my defects but not until I had given them up.
I felt significantly lighter after Step 7 and was determined to stick with a better way of living. It hasn't been perfect and I've done several Step 7's since then, but it keeps the load lighter and reminds me that it's all about progress not perfection.
Thanks, Cats, again, for taking the time to make these Steps useful to newcomer and oldtimer alike.
Hugs
The easy stuff was gone. But I had to work a little harder on some of the tougher ones like patience (yup, me too) and the need to interfere. And that was okay because at least the field had been narrowed down and I could clearly see what I had not quite given up. That was the funny part...God would take my defects but not until I had given them up.
I felt significantly lighter after Step 7 and was determined to stick with a better way of living. It hasn't been perfect and I've done several Step 7's since then, but it keeps the load lighter and reminds me that it's all about progress not perfection.
Thanks, Cats, again, for taking the time to make these Steps useful to newcomer and oldtimer alike.
Hugs
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Join Date: Aug 2002
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I have found many good readings on Step Seven:
This one is from Courage to Change 3/5
When I first started working the Steps, the thought of having my character defects removed made me very nervous. I thought I would end up like a chunk of Swiss cheese, full of holes. But I wanted to get better and I was continually assured that the Steps were the key to my recover, so I went forward in spite of my fears. I had to take the risk and act on faith before I could receive the gifts my Higher Power held out to me.
Nowhere in Steps Four through Seven do we ask God to add anything, but rather to take away the things we do not need. I found that every single defect that was removed had been hiding an asset. I didn’t lose myself at all. Instead, as I let go of the things I didn’t need, I made room for my strengths, skills, and feelings to become more fully a part of my life. I take comfort in this, because it reminds me that everything I need is already present. But I couldn’t be sure until I worked the Steps and found some relief from my shortcomings.
Today’s Reminder
God knows exactly what I need and has already given it to me. My job is to “keep it simple” and ask for God’s help in relieving me of the extra stuff – the shortcomings that keep me tied down.
“Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised.” – American Proverb
This one is from Courage to Change 3/5
When I first started working the Steps, the thought of having my character defects removed made me very nervous. I thought I would end up like a chunk of Swiss cheese, full of holes. But I wanted to get better and I was continually assured that the Steps were the key to my recover, so I went forward in spite of my fears. I had to take the risk and act on faith before I could receive the gifts my Higher Power held out to me.
Nowhere in Steps Four through Seven do we ask God to add anything, but rather to take away the things we do not need. I found that every single defect that was removed had been hiding an asset. I didn’t lose myself at all. Instead, as I let go of the things I didn’t need, I made room for my strengths, skills, and feelings to become more fully a part of my life. I take comfort in this, because it reminds me that everything I need is already present. But I couldn’t be sure until I worked the Steps and found some relief from my shortcomings.
Today’s Reminder
God knows exactly what I need and has already given it to me. My job is to “keep it simple” and ask for God’s help in relieving me of the extra stuff – the shortcomings that keep me tied down.
“Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised.” – American Proverb
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Join Date: May 2007
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Doing the work
Step 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings
I know that after I see my own shortcomings and then ask for them to be removed, that I have work to do to change my habitual patterns.
My critical eye was able to take everyone else's inventory, but my own. I discovered that this is one of my biggest character defects.
It was easy to focus on my son's problems, when my own side of the street had gotten pretty messy.
I am committed to asking for my own shortcomings to be removed and doing the work
to rid myself of them once and for all.
I know that after I see my own shortcomings and then ask for them to be removed, that I have work to do to change my habitual patterns.
My critical eye was able to take everyone else's inventory, but my own. I discovered that this is one of my biggest character defects.
It was easy to focus on my son's problems, when my own side of the street had gotten pretty messy.
I am committed to asking for my own shortcomings to be removed and doing the work
to rid myself of them once and for all.
Last edited by Spiritual Seeker; 02-29-2008 at 02:04 PM. Reason: spell
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Posts: 433
The shortcoming causing me the most problems is my eating. What do I get from it? Avoidance I suppose. Why do I have such trouble letting go of eating sweets and salts?
I've been working the steps with my sponsor and am on Step 8 in which I find my self at the top of the list for making amends. As I work Step 8 I find insights about Step 7 (and Step 4 as part of that) changing and deepening.
A part of me doesn't believe my HP will take away some of my shortcomings and I continue to pray for willingness. Another part, hopefully the bigger part, wants to trust and believe HP is dealing with it. I know the wisdom I gain comes from my HP and I'm hoping it is further groundwork needed to remove the defect; more work to be done on my part.
Thank you so much for putting these Step Studies at the top so they can always be found easily!
Nea
I've been working the steps with my sponsor and am on Step 8 in which I find my self at the top of the list for making amends. As I work Step 8 I find insights about Step 7 (and Step 4 as part of that) changing and deepening.
A part of me doesn't believe my HP will take away some of my shortcomings and I continue to pray for willingness. Another part, hopefully the bigger part, wants to trust and believe HP is dealing with it. I know the wisdom I gain comes from my HP and I'm hoping it is further groundwork needed to remove the defect; more work to be done on my part.
Thank you so much for putting these Step Studies at the top so they can always be found easily!
Nea
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