Words that trigger me
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
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Words that trigger me
I had a conversation with my Norm (my normal BF) and he made the remark that something was "stupid". I had this HUGE rush of emotions/ feelings... all because of one word that took me back to another horrible place and time. He wasn't calling ME or any action of MINE stupid, just a situation that was "stupid" according to him. And he was quite surprised by my reaction - a mix of anger, fear, defensiveness etc.
It made me realize that certain words are obviously a trigger to me, and it's funny that it doesn't seem to matter WHO says them.
Do you have any?
It made me realize that certain words are obviously a trigger to me, and it's funny that it doesn't seem to matter WHO says them.
Do you have any?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Layton, Utah
Posts: 60
When I first started spending time with my now husband, he was playfully holding my wrists and sitting on me all in fun. He is the kindest man I have ever met. He is 6'4" and 230.
I threw him off of me and the bed. He was stunned.
It was a reaction to my exah pinning me down not in fun.
I also would react to certain words or little things he would say(my new husband).
I finally realized that because I let the abuse go on so long and get so bad, that maybe I am afraid that I won't recognize it and so I tend to overreact.
Kind of like having been at war and hearing those sounds.
I now try to stop and think if I am overreacting.
But even after 21 years away from my exah(rest his soul) I do still react defensivly at some times.
I threw him off of me and the bed. He was stunned.
It was a reaction to my exah pinning me down not in fun.
I also would react to certain words or little things he would say(my new husband).
I finally realized that because I let the abuse go on so long and get so bad, that maybe I am afraid that I won't recognize it and so I tend to overreact.
Kind of like having been at war and hearing those sounds.
I now try to stop and think if I am overreacting.
But even after 21 years away from my exah(rest his soul) I do still react defensivly at some times.
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Wow...Lynette...that is very powerful stuff. It makes so much sense that you would tend to over react. I hope your husband is patient and understanding about it. The wounds sure do take a lon time to heal, don't they???
Same with you cats and the stupid word ! Wow ! Isn't amazing how a simple word can trigger those old emotions?
For me...whenever anyone says "I promise..." I cringe inside. I don't want anyone to promise me anything...that way I won't be disappointed and hurt. I still walk around with my dukes up.... I wonder if I"ll ever be able to put them down???
I know one thing...I can put them down when I come here. What a blessing...:ghug3
Same with you cats and the stupid word ! Wow ! Isn't amazing how a simple word can trigger those old emotions?
For me...whenever anyone says "I promise..." I cringe inside. I don't want anyone to promise me anything...that way I won't be disappointed and hurt. I still walk around with my dukes up.... I wonder if I"ll ever be able to put them down???
I know one thing...I can put them down when I come here. What a blessing...:ghug3
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
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Originally Posted by outonalimb 
For me...whenever anyone says "I promise..." I cringe inside.
I now trust people, not promises. And those I trust don't need to promise... I know they will.
Another trigger is the word "mom" in a certain tone. As soon as I pick up the phone I brace, even now, years after.
(((Hugs)))
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Not words, but "meeting" people somewhere. My house or theirs is safe but to "meet" anywhere downtown or at a theatre just doesn't cut it for me. Too many times I stood waiting forever and got overwhelmed by a feeling of abandonment. I hate meeting anyone anywhere.
Good thread, Cats, as usual you got my head going.
Hugs
Good thread, Cats, as usual you got my head going.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
I'll work on it...
I told you about ________ ...
Being with someone who has more than 2 drinks in less than a half-hour
I'm sure there's more, just can't think of them right now, and I'm hoping I'll let some of these innocent sentences go, but the gut clenching that comes with them is amazing - mine is still quite fresh. I'll be curious next year, the year after, etc. how long and what is left.
Keep asking the question Cats -
I told you about ________ ...
Being with someone who has more than 2 drinks in less than a half-hour
I'm sure there's more, just can't think of them right now, and I'm hoping I'll let some of these innocent sentences go, but the gut clenching that comes with them is amazing - mine is still quite fresh. I'll be curious next year, the year after, etc. how long and what is left.
Keep asking the question Cats -
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
oh sheez, do I ever know what you mean.
My RAS has a pair of shorts that when I see them I get those feelings, apparently he wore them one too many times when I caught him with drugs. Oh the silly things that can throw us off balance!!
My RAS has a pair of shorts that when I see them I get those feelings, apparently he wore them one too many times when I caught him with drugs. Oh the silly things that can throw us off balance!!
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
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How about "No, that's not what I said. I said xxxx"
Which of course is the exact opposite of what he actually said. Grrrrr
I also don't like "So when are you coming home, mom?" as my AS used to have really REALLY big (unapproved) parties at my place when I was out of town on business.
Ah, triggers.
Which of course is the exact opposite of what he actually said. Grrrrr
I also don't like "So when are you coming home, mom?" as my AS used to have really REALLY big (unapproved) parties at my place when I was out of town on business.
Ah, triggers.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
My trigger isn't always a word, it's more like a situation. When someone starts criticizing me, it's all I can do not to reach over and knock them in the head.
I have heard enough criticizm in my life and, unless it is going to do me a great deal of good, I dont want to hear it.
I have heard enough criticizm in my life and, unless it is going to do me a great deal of good, I dont want to hear it.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
My trigger would probably be, whenever someone raises their voice...... I quickly go in the other direction, or hang up the phone.
Most likely, as a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home.
Hugs,
Most likely, as a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home.
Hugs,
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
I've read other that talk about situations that are triggers for them - that is a little more for me that words.
My worst trigger, somedays is my doorstep. I stand there, not knowing what is on the other side of that door since my AH's relapse and change in his recovery path. I know that anytime I walk thru that door I could walk back into the same things I lived with prior to our wonderful time in recovery. It is so frightening that I cannot move.
Then that voice of my God that lives within me says, maybe AH slipped back, but you & I haven't - whatever is beyond that door - WE can handle, WE have options, choices and plans. Walk on thru - you are no longer alone.
Still a trigger, but not just a trigger of fear, but also a trigger of my recovery.
Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita
My worst trigger, somedays is my doorstep. I stand there, not knowing what is on the other side of that door since my AH's relapse and change in his recovery path. I know that anytime I walk thru that door I could walk back into the same things I lived with prior to our wonderful time in recovery. It is so frightening that I cannot move.
Then that voice of my God that lives within me says, maybe AH slipped back, but you & I haven't - whatever is beyond that door - WE can handle, WE have options, choices and plans. Walk on thru - you are no longer alone.
Still a trigger, but not just a trigger of fear, but also a trigger of my recovery.
Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Edmonton, AB, Canada
Posts: 14
Mine would be "i'll be alright", or "I'm going to a meeting." (for months he went to a meeting then took off to use) Another weird thing is not hearing a RUSH song on the radio after seeing him....it's weird but it usually happens as I'm driving home. Puts faith in me. Oh the rituals i've developed
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
"I swear to God..." Probably the most certain way I could tell a lie was coming.
Also, I get triggered when I perceive anyone in a position of Power (whether physical or financial or authoritarian) uses that power to threaten, harm, belittle or hurt another person. In fact, I can find myself getting SO out of control, that I know it goes back to my dad and some of the abuse from my childhood. That hurt little girl is still inside simmering... and when she sees a bully - watch out!
Also, I get triggered when I perceive anyone in a position of Power (whether physical or financial or authoritarian) uses that power to threaten, harm, belittle or hurt another person. In fact, I can find myself getting SO out of control, that I know it goes back to my dad and some of the abuse from my childhood. That hurt little girl is still inside simmering... and when she sees a bully - watch out!
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