Westlee19

My story start when I decided to start going to my sister's house for the weekends to get a break away from my mom's house. I walked into my sister's house, I looked awful, I had been arguing with my step dad that night. I had my friend Tim come and pick me and my son up and take me to my sisters house. As I walked in I saw this guy sitting on their couch...I was like wow, he is cute, my sister had told me about him before but I didn't think much of it since he is 7 years older than me. I sat down and started smoking a cig and had my sis's boyfriend go to the gas station to get me some beer, i was stressed out, I don't normally drink. Well he got back and by this time, I'm sitting next to this cute guy, his name is Jesse. We started talking and we just kinda clicked. I really liked him, well he ended up going home that night but I talked to my sis about him and she said he was single. So I was happy about that, he ended up coming over the next morning...we exchanged numbers. I'm now dating him and we have been together for 2 1/2 months now, and we have been happy. But I did find out that he had been indited a few months before we met. He went to court to plea and he did guilty, then a month went by...he went for sentancing...he ended up getting 3 years on probation and 6 month in rehab. I was happy he was going for help but its so earlier in our relationship, I'm scared...I do love him and we have even talked about getting promise rings...I just don't know how to handle not being able to see him for a month and then we will only get to see eachother once every month after the first month. Its going to be hard but I know that if we make it through this, I can make it through anything with him, I'm scared for when he gets out, I don't want him to go back to using...I need help with showing him that I'm here for him while he is in rehab and for after he gets out...how to make sure I can help him not to start using again. I say thank you to anyone that can help me with this.

Ann

Welcome Westlee, there aren't many of us up this early (it's only 4 am here) but I'd like to welcome you to SR.

You may not understand this, but if he has been sentenced to 6 months in rehab, that's a very good thing...for him. It very well may save his life if he is willing to do what he needs to do to stay clean.

The key here is that it is all up to him. Sweetie, if love could save an active addict, not one of us would be here. Whether they use or don't use never depends on us, no matter how much they say that they "need" us to get/stay clean. What they "need" is a good recovery plan and better choices in their lives.

While he is gone might be a good time for you to start going to meetings, Alanon, Naranon or CoDA are three very similar 12-step programs that can help you regain your balance and learn to make healthy choices.

Also, something caught my eye in your post. You met this man when you left for a time to escape the dysfunction in your own house. If drugs or alcohol were a factor, or if the dysfuntion is ongoing for any reason, perhaps that is making you more vulnerable to "love" or wanting someone to love you...at any cost. These issues also could be addressed and worked out at live meetings, and I promise you that they would help you more than you know.

These may not be the answers you were looking for, and only you can decide what is right for you, but take a good read around and you will see that a relationship with an addict, expecially one not in recovery or new to the process, can be an emotional roller coaster ride and a troubling place to be.

Take your time with this, let him work his program at rehab and maybe start working one for yourself there. And see where time takes you.

Hugs

Kasey

Ann is right, and this is exactly the conclusion my ex came up with after I told her I wanted/would stop because I wanted to be with her. I wanted her more than addiction but it didn't stop my addiction. It only put a wedge between us. On one side was Kasey and his use of ... well name it. On the other side was a scared and beautiful woman who eventually made the right choice after 10 years of being scared of my state of sobriety at any given time.

I am too new to all of this so I think you have to make your own decision. You can always come here for help. These people here rock.