katyk

Hi,

I'm sick with the virus d'jour and my AH, instead of staying home to take care of me, is out doing a friend a favor. Whether this friend really needs the favor, or he has alterior motives (obtaining pills, getting drunk or high, etc), I feel crappy and want him here. He thinks I'm being irrational; I think I'd be more generous if this weren't pattern behavior.

I guess I just want to talk this one out. I can accept that I have fear or anxiety, and my lack of trust in him makes it less likely to be understanding, and its not like I'm dying. I've just been laying at home alone all day and want somebody here.

Thanks for "listening"

Ann

Katy I hope you're feeling better today.

Yes, it would be nice to have him stay home with you when you are feeling low, but the thing is, his staying clean won't depend on that. He will use or not use regardless of how you feel or what you need, because that's what addicts do.

Maybe try some meetings this week and see if you don't feel a little better. Living our lives without fear, living without looking over our shoulders to see what they are doing and trying to figure out why, and living a life WORTH living again are all gifts of recovery that you can have too.

Sending hugs and prayers because I know this all sounds a lot easier than it is. But you're worth the effort.

Hugs

WLDKATZ

(((( HUGS)))) i know that "IRRATIONAL" need for him to be there and I call that my baby syndrom it is just that need, I am glad your talking and posting and I hope you feel better I can't tell you what I would do as I wasn't in an ok place myself when I was in a relationship like that but I can tell you this, the trust issues that you are having with hims hould be discussed, if he isnt using and u think he is is just as destructive to a relationship as him still using and not telling you.

For right now you take care of you and get better soon!!!!

Hugs and Prayers,
Pamm and Da Gurlz

Te3ebt

i was searching all day for this topic to share about, excuse me guys i am new at online meetings,chat etc..
Anyways, i was sick for 4 days with a high fever and my H who has been in recovery for almost a year now, he was also sick at the same time, he only cared about himself and went to hospital alone, he didn't take me w/him, i asked him to do but he didn't, and then i started to see the look i remembered through his active days,the anger that i feared a lot before,then the critisism about me, like i am not a good mother,i don't care about the house, etc.. after that comes the shouting and fighting and i can't forget the beating (it only happened twice through our six years of marriage). and i confronted him w/my fears and i told him i won't accept it anymore.
But i couldn't expect what came next, that it would happen after his recovery, i was abused in the most painful way, physically he beated me as if i am a man and fighting w/him for i can't remember how long it lasted, i then was defending myself and calling him names, he wasn't saying anything he was only punching and kicking and slapping me .... his reasons was (he said) that i raised my voice over him and that is unacceptable for him.
I do get nervous and raise my voice sometimes, i am trying to work on that defect, but sometimes i can't.
I called my father and his mother and told them i can't take it any more, although i can't say that he is always like that, he isn't, but i want him out of my life and for the first time i can't, may be because he has been a good father for the last year, but not w/ me, we still don't have a life together, our sex life is horrible, i don't enjoy it, i am not thinking about him or any other person, i have problems at work, i gained a lot of weight, that its hard to loose, i come from work really tired to play w/my daughter or do anything w/her, i have somebody who helps me to but i make sure to take her out whenever i can, she is a very smart girl, i love her but my friends call me a one way direction person, i am only good in doing one job (perfectionist) i can't take it anymore, i am so stressed, i want to start using anything, i want to get relifed, i think i got infected by this desease, i don't know, i have so much to say but.....
i want to add something, we are from a third world country but we are well educated, he is working the 12 steps program, me too i am one of the founders of Alanon after years of not having such meetings in our country, we want to start NarAnon but i don't know how to get the littreature, i have a sponsor but she doesn't go to meetings, i am in a mess.i think i am saying a nonsense stuff.
God help me.

katyk

Te3ebt, there is no excuse for being abused, whether you raised your voice or not. Stay safe, start thinking about a plan on how to get out when he becomes violent-- places you can go, people you can trust. Search out your community resources. I wish you the best. Big hugs....