New here. My story.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kenai, Alaska
Posts: 21
New here. My story.
Hello. My name is Julie and my husband is a drug addict. We have been together for 4 years and have 3 BEAUTIFUL daughters. When we met, I knew that my husband smoked pot, but I had no problem with it considering the other drugs out there. After we had been together about a year I found out hehad been using cocain. He admitted that he had been in rehab 3 times in the past for cocain addiction. Over the years he has been on and off drugs. He's been clean of cocain for a year and quit smoking pot about 6 months ago. HOWEVER..after quitting the cocain, he became addicted to prescription drugs. He had been in the hospital for a serious medical problem for about 2 months and when he came out, he went to the doctors frequently. I thought nothing of it since he had been seriously ill. Over the months his behavior became more and more erratic. One night I was covering for another employee and worked from 4pm-midnight. At 11pm, I got a call from the police that my husband was out in the streets completely out of it, with two of our kids. He had overdosed and picked up the baby and took off walking. Our oldest followed him, screaming at him to go home. Luckily the neighbors heard the commontion and the police responded quickly. They took him to the hospital and determined he had, pain pill, sleeping pills and xanex in his system. After he was released he admitted that he had gone to doctors all over town while I was at work, getting pills.
He swore that he wouldn't touch another pill again and I wanted to believe him so badly that I accepted him back.
He began getting pills again about a month ago, although I didn't know it at the time. 3 weeks ago, I got off work and was on my way to pick up the kids and he called and I could tell he was out of it. I told him that I could not deal with him anymore and that I was unhappy. We argued and I got off the phone to go in and pick up the kids. When I got back in the truck I had several missed calls from him. He would not answer my calls and when I got home, I found he had taken approx. 18 Ambien. I refused to allow my children to be exposed to anything. So I went to the bedroom to check on him, closed the door and fed my children, bathed them and got them to sleep. After, I called my mom and asked her to come watch the kids and I dropped him off at the hospital.
The next day I went to check on him and he had to have a psych eval. before they let him go. Keep in mind that I work in the mental health field and my company is the one that does psych evals. and the counselor that gave him the eval. is a personal friend.
It was so humiliating to have people at work know what was going on. I told my husband that if he didn't get treatment I could no longer be with him. I will not allow him to put me or my children through any more.
He has been in treatment for about a week and a half now and seems to be doing well. It's been very hard for me since he's been gone. He's missed our anniversary, valentine's day and our oldest daughter's birthday. I'm angry at him for the way I've been left to deal with a high-stress job, 3 active kids and home.
His counselor contacted me about coming to family nights at the treatment center and I really do want him to get better but I feel alot of hurt and anger towards him and since it's a group setting they want me to get up in front of everyone there and tell them about my horrible life.
I'm a very personal person. I've always been and it's very difficult for me to admit to anyone, let alone strangers, what bad shape my life is in. He doesn't understand why I feel this way, thinking that I should be an open book.
I've been feeling low more and more and went to the doc and put on an anti-depressant. I'm usually a happy-go-lucky person, but this has gotten me to the point, I don't want to do anything or go anywhere. I'm in desperate need of some support.
Thank you for taking the time to read my long-winded story and I look forward to talking with you........Julie
He swore that he wouldn't touch another pill again and I wanted to believe him so badly that I accepted him back.
He began getting pills again about a month ago, although I didn't know it at the time. 3 weeks ago, I got off work and was on my way to pick up the kids and he called and I could tell he was out of it. I told him that I could not deal with him anymore and that I was unhappy. We argued and I got off the phone to go in and pick up the kids. When I got back in the truck I had several missed calls from him. He would not answer my calls and when I got home, I found he had taken approx. 18 Ambien. I refused to allow my children to be exposed to anything. So I went to the bedroom to check on him, closed the door and fed my children, bathed them and got them to sleep. After, I called my mom and asked her to come watch the kids and I dropped him off at the hospital.
The next day I went to check on him and he had to have a psych eval. before they let him go. Keep in mind that I work in the mental health field and my company is the one that does psych evals. and the counselor that gave him the eval. is a personal friend.
It was so humiliating to have people at work know what was going on. I told my husband that if he didn't get treatment I could no longer be with him. I will not allow him to put me or my children through any more.
He has been in treatment for about a week and a half now and seems to be doing well. It's been very hard for me since he's been gone. He's missed our anniversary, valentine's day and our oldest daughter's birthday. I'm angry at him for the way I've been left to deal with a high-stress job, 3 active kids and home.
His counselor contacted me about coming to family nights at the treatment center and I really do want him to get better but I feel alot of hurt and anger towards him and since it's a group setting they want me to get up in front of everyone there and tell them about my horrible life.
I'm a very personal person. I've always been and it's very difficult for me to admit to anyone, let alone strangers, what bad shape my life is in. He doesn't understand why I feel this way, thinking that I should be an open book.
I've been feeling low more and more and went to the doc and put on an anti-depressant. I'm usually a happy-go-lucky person, but this has gotten me to the point, I don't want to do anything or go anywhere. I'm in desperate need of some support.
Thank you for taking the time to read my long-winded story and I look forward to talking with you........Julie
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Hampton Roads, VA
Posts: 68
Julie,
Welcome to SR. There many people here who are strong in their recovery who will share words of strength and comfort with you. Keep reading and learning.
Parts of your story sound very similar to mine. The last two months have been some of the worst in my 8 year marriage but I am taking one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. Right now I am doing okay. You will too.
Prayers and positive thoughts going out to you.
Welcome to SR. There many people here who are strong in their recovery who will share words of strength and comfort with you. Keep reading and learning.
Parts of your story sound very similar to mine. The last two months have been some of the worst in my 8 year marriage but I am taking one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. Right now I am doing okay. You will too.
Prayers and positive thoughts going out to you.
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
(((((hugs)))))
I'm so sorry you are going through this, I feel your pain because I'm experiencing it too. I could have written your post because minus the children in the equation your life sounds exactly like mine.
I really don't have any advice for you but I know some of the others on here will.
Hang tight and keep posting and reading on this board, you will find comfort here and the support is overwhelming with warmth and sincerity.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, I feel your pain because I'm experiencing it too. I could have written your post because minus the children in the equation your life sounds exactly like mine.
I really don't have any advice for you but I know some of the others on here will.
Hang tight and keep posting and reading on this board, you will find comfort here and the support is overwhelming with warmth and sincerity.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Dear Blaze,
Although I am visiting this board for my son's drug addictions, I did go through the "treatment" experience with my alcoholic ex-husband when I was very young with two little ones at home. I was also very down, depressed and angry with him even though he was in treatment. I refused to participate when called by the counselors; I just couldn't do it. And my husband did get sober, on his own because he wanted to, not just for me. (He also stayed sober for many years before relapsing in his 40's.) That is an option for you right now if you choose to not go in for the group experience. The thing I want to say is that YOU get to choose what all YOU can handle right now in this frightening, bewildering moment, sweetie. Do what will be best for YOU. It is truly time to focus on yourself and your children right now.
Although I am visiting this board for my son's drug addictions, I did go through the "treatment" experience with my alcoholic ex-husband when I was very young with two little ones at home. I was also very down, depressed and angry with him even though he was in treatment. I refused to participate when called by the counselors; I just couldn't do it. And my husband did get sober, on his own because he wanted to, not just for me. (He also stayed sober for many years before relapsing in his 40's.) That is an option for you right now if you choose to not go in for the group experience. The thing I want to say is that YOU get to choose what all YOU can handle right now in this frightening, bewildering moment, sweetie. Do what will be best for YOU. It is truly time to focus on yourself and your children right now.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Julie, welcome...I'm so sorry that your husband's addictions brought you here, but glad that you have found this forum. There are wonderful caring people here who are walking the same journey, so they understand like few others can.
I have not experienced addiction with a spouse either, but I do know the pain and depression and extreme sadness it brings. I'm quite private too, but I did find the family program at my child's rehab to be extremely helpful...it actually introduced me to Naranon and Alanon, which has been a life saver. Each treatment center is different; in my case the program really was for us...the families of addicts. It was also 4 1/2 days in duration, which was terrific. We worked on us while the recovering addicts worked their own program and at the end of the day, we would have one group meeting that helped to ease the transition from rehab back to reality.
If you can find the opportunity to attend meetings, they really do help. I found meetings to be like coming here...filled with love and support...but it was in person.
Keep reading and posting, it truly does help. Focus on you and your kids and let him deal with his stuff. Sending positive thoghts and prayers to all of you. Hugs
I have not experienced addiction with a spouse either, but I do know the pain and depression and extreme sadness it brings. I'm quite private too, but I did find the family program at my child's rehab to be extremely helpful...it actually introduced me to Naranon and Alanon, which has been a life saver. Each treatment center is different; in my case the program really was for us...the families of addicts. It was also 4 1/2 days in duration, which was terrific. We worked on us while the recovering addicts worked their own program and at the end of the day, we would have one group meeting that helped to ease the transition from rehab back to reality.
If you can find the opportunity to attend meetings, they really do help. I found meetings to be like coming here...filled with love and support...but it was in person.
Keep reading and posting, it truly does help. Focus on you and your kids and let him deal with his stuff. Sending positive thoghts and prayers to all of you. Hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
Hi Blaze. Welcome. You will find what's best for you - just stay true to your own needs. For me, when I finally started talking about my issues with my best friend (I had kept a lot of stuff to myself from embarrassment and shame) it was like the flood gates opened, I felt soooo relieved, and you know what? All I got was love and support. Then I found out about the addiction. Well, I was told "You're only as sick as your secrets". I put up with a situation that was unfulfilling for years and years because I kept "secret", so for me, right now, not much of my life is private. There will come a time when I have some privacey again - but never secrets. Everyone that I found in Alanon and NA and especially here at this board have been wonderful! When I opened up, it opened a world I never thought I'd experience. So, while I'm not loving that I'm dealing with this, I can't say that I am disappointed in the lessons I'm learning. Being more open, for me, has been an amazing journey of finding so much love around me.
You do what's right for you, this was just my experience, for something to think about is all. Keep writing and reading here. It's a wonderful place!
(((((hugs)))))
You do what's right for you, this was just my experience, for something to think about is all. Keep writing and reading here. It's a wonderful place!
(((((hugs)))))
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 2,859
I understand your hesitation about the group setting, but on the other hand I know why they want u to do it. The point of it is for u to share to your husband what he has done to you, how he has let u down. Its for him to see and know that his addiction doesnt just cause him pain it causes the whole family pain. Addicts are selfish and think that their addiction doesnt harm or bother anyone else. They are only hurting themselves. With you going to this group and sharing he will see that it doesnt only impact him it impacts u too. I would go to the group and listen it would mean alot to your ah and it will help u to see your not alone. Listen to the other people share and u might be able to do it too. He needs to hear what you have to say, when done in a group he wont feel alone and alientated and neither will you.
You need to seek recovery for yourself in order for you to understand his recovery. Your hurting, your mad, your feeling emotions that are hard to understand, thats why its so important for you to get better too. I wish u alot of luck I have been there. Yes its great that he is getting help but it would be better if u did too, to justify your feelings and to understand too. Your not alone if you were this board wouldnt exist.
You need to seek recovery for yourself in order for you to understand his recovery. Your hurting, your mad, your feeling emotions that are hard to understand, thats why its so important for you to get better too. I wish u alot of luck I have been there. Yes its great that he is getting help but it would be better if u did too, to justify your feelings and to understand too. Your not alone if you were this board wouldnt exist.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
do not feel embarrassed about what your husband does. i felt that way for yrs. with my addict son. i came here to S.R. & learned the 3c's. i did not CAUSE it, i can not CONTROL it & i can not CURE it.it is not my fault & i can not & you can not do anything to keep them clean or sober. they have to be ready to do all the right things for themselves. you are among people who are right where you are or have been there. read around & WELCOME to S.R. keep coming back.prayers for you, your husband & your family.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 92
I am not sure I have much to add but I wanted to say,
Welcome. These forums have helped me make some sense of all this confusing stuff.
What do they say...addiction is clever, cunning, and baffling. It really is.
I hope you can take some time for yourself, to figure out what YOU need to do. Make a date to be with yourself, let the kids be with your mom. Maybe writing out your thoughts will help? Anyway, Welcome. I hope you can find some peace from others here.
Welcome. These forums have helped me make some sense of all this confusing stuff.
What do they say...addiction is clever, cunning, and baffling. It really is.
I hope you can take some time for yourself, to figure out what YOU need to do. Make a date to be with yourself, let the kids be with your mom. Maybe writing out your thoughts will help? Anyway, Welcome. I hope you can find some peace from others here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 50
Hi Julie. Welcome! Your story reminds me of my own in so many ways. I too have an AH and am going through a crazy time myself. I am also new to SR but am so fortunate to have found it. Reading the posts are very helpful and therapeutic for me. I am unable to attend meetings bc I can not leave my husband alone with the children any more and the love and support on these boards are amazing! Keep reading. I will keep you in my daily prayers.
~Chloe
~Chloe
StrivingToThrive
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
" Blaze"
Welcome to SR it is a wonderfully safe place to take your pain to.
I understand the feeling of anger and betrayal. As people have said, addiction is a family illness as it affects(destroys) families as well as the addict.
As others have said. His journey is his and yours is yours so focusing on you and your kids right now is okay.
It took me a while of attending Al-Anon to find compassion and understanding for the addict. Anger was there for awhile ( and still rears it's head if I let it) I definitely can relate to that.
Family meetings can be very educational as well as healing even if you go resentful and angry. I have a friend who didn't talk at all at first meetings just listened so maybe that's an option for you. I never went to a meeting with my son ( he was out of town) but he told me when he heard the pain and hurt coming from the other mothers and spouses he understood how it affects everyone.
Isn't it amazing how we spent so much time doing damage control and hiding the problem that now that it's out in the open so many emotions we denied and kept locked up are flowing?
Find a meeting that's for you and focuses (like this forum does) on the loved ones instead of the addict. Then
When you are ready, you'll go to family meeting for you.
In the mean time we are her for you.
:praying
Welcome to SR it is a wonderfully safe place to take your pain to.
I understand the feeling of anger and betrayal. As people have said, addiction is a family illness as it affects(destroys) families as well as the addict.
As others have said. His journey is his and yours is yours so focusing on you and your kids right now is okay.
It took me a while of attending Al-Anon to find compassion and understanding for the addict. Anger was there for awhile ( and still rears it's head if I let it) I definitely can relate to that.
Family meetings can be very educational as well as healing even if you go resentful and angry. I have a friend who didn't talk at all at first meetings just listened so maybe that's an option for you. I never went to a meeting with my son ( he was out of town) but he told me when he heard the pain and hurt coming from the other mothers and spouses he understood how it affects everyone.
Isn't it amazing how we spent so much time doing damage control and hiding the problem that now that it's out in the open so many emotions we denied and kept locked up are flowing?
Find a meeting that's for you and focuses (like this forum does) on the loved ones instead of the addict. Then
When you are ready, you'll go to family meeting for you.
In the mean time we are her for you.
:praying
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