painter

While doing some spring cleaning, I ran into my journals that I have kept for the past 20 years. Flipping through, I was shocked to realize that I have been going through the drug /codependant with my AD since 2001. I was SHOCKED when I realized. I have been in such denial. After reading , I was amazed to alot that I had absolutly forgotten. All the money she had stolen, the lies she told. But I had blocked it all out. She lived with me with the two grandbabies for 8 months while ABF was in jail and she was doing so good. Working, taking care of kids. Soon as he was realeased she took up with him again. Now they have hit rock bottom (at least in my book) But what amazes me is the denial I was in. Ha. Time for this ole woman to wake up. I have a feeling that he will be back in jail by the end of this month, several more charges. I am afraid to hope that she will be here and start again. I can't seem to stop the hoping and praying for the best, even though I usuallly get kicked in the head. Sad and heart broken for all the lost dreams and hopes we all have for our children. Maybe one day we will understand why they had to go down this path.

Ann

Hey, Painter, when I think back to all that happened it amazes me that I ever made it through. I think our minds store anything that is more than we can handle at the time, but sooner or later we need to clean those memories out and not let them haunt us forever.

For both of us, I think maybe just being grateful for the awakening and looking forward instead of back just might help us stay on a good path.

I'm sorry your daughter fell back into life with that man and my prayers go out that she'll be back taking care of herself soon.

Hugs

painter

Oh, Ann thanks so much, just for caring. I feel so alone with these problems. Just knowing someone else "out there" cares means so much. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

marle

My daughter is 21 and has an abf that is 38. She is with him because she has told me that "he is more messed up than she is and that makes her feel safe." She knows that their relationship is very sick but between him and the drugs, she has a hard time leaving. She left him in the spring of 2006 but went back after 3 months. I too have put a lot of the stuff that my daughter has done in the back of my mind. Sometimes I remember and then I let it go again. The purpose that it serves is to remind us not to go there again. I have forgiven my daughter but I will never completely forget. God wants me to not repeat those painful lessons. Hugs to you, Marle

Spiritual Seeker

It is so hard for us, as parents, to see our adult child relapse after we have seen them
clean up for awhile. We can't believe they would choose that dark place again, and that we have to go through it again too.
I understand your heartbreak.
Detaching from our kids is difficult, but the alternative may be more difficult.

painter

Good one Marle. Forgive but don't completly forget. The pain in my heart that my beloved child could do what she has done to me is almost unbearable. But for my faith that God has a plan and is keeping all safe keeps me from killling myself. Thank for all the good words and caring.

hope213

((((painter))) it is hard for us moms to really look at our kids & the bad choices they have made. it is best for us to face the facts & walk thru the pain. when we do that we have taken the first step to being able to turn our kids over to our H.P. & begin our recovery. prayers for you & your daughter.

sleepygoat

I've been taking a walk down memory lane myself in the form of a memoir class I am taking. Been writing about things when we first found out she (AD) was using. It is amazing what we have all been thru and how far we all have come in our own recovery.

But speaking for myself, I have no intention of stopping praying; and I do much, much better on a daily basis when I allow myself to have hope, then when I am feeling hopeless. My God is loving, caring, greater than me AND greater than the disease of addiction. sometimes I think, "Is that just a form of denial?" but the answer I always seem to get is "No way Jose! Keep praying and let God do the rest!" so please have yourself a hopeful day in which a loving, caring, powerful God surrounds you with love.