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Old 02-12-2008, 08:43 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Hi All,

I've moved over to the mental illness forum, as my AS turned out to be a casual marijuana user with schizophrenia. I'm still checking this board as so many of our problems and issues are the same as yours. Take Care of Yourselves!!
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Old 02-13-2008, 06:06 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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AS is still sitting in jail. He will be released in 14 days from now. I visit him once a week being that he is only about 25 minutes from where we live. He of course is doing phenomenol and looks great (aside from being a bit stir crazy). I have had such a calm peace of mind with him in there. Not sure where this will go when he comes out but I keep reminding myself it's all in his and gods hands. He says he will throw himself back into work and looks forward to coming home. He talks to me now more than ever. I pray he moves forward in a positive way and doesnt fall back into old habits. Please pray for us. Hugs.
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Old 02-13-2008, 09:17 PM
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We've survived yet another ride on the rollercoaster.....
and for that I am grateful....

I do not know what the future holds (did i ever??) but I am cautiously optimistic that the new meds will help RAS....perhaps supply a missing piece to the puzzle

as always my daily prayers include a wish for peace, serenity and recovery for all who are affected by this terrible disease
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Old 02-14-2008, 06:00 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Just checking in here, too :-) My son is in a heap of trouble, probation violations, last I heard he was thinking of "making it warm" (I told him things might be easier on him when the warm weather comes as he's just staying with whomever will let him crash with them, could say I was being sarcastic)...so maybe that means that he's going to leave the state. I was up for a good hour around 3 AM thinking of all the bad things that will happen to him in prison, then decided what can I do about it anyway? NOTHING. It's his life, his choices. My heart is broken, but I have alot of GOOD things in my life, awesome fun grandkids, a fantastic husband, and my hospice volunteer work. FOCUS FOCUS on the good things - I have to keep telling myself that. Going on a cruise in early March, can't wait, it will be so good to get out of Michigan, leave all the drama behind, and I WILL HAVE A GREAT TIME!!! We're driving, so we're leaving a few days early just to hang out in Fl a few days before the cruise, even driving out to Key West to spend the night!

All I can do is trust that God will do with my son what is best for HIM, and help me to get over whatever that happens to be.

I love reading this forum and hearing about success stories, maybe there will be one here from me one day!!
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Old 02-14-2008, 06:18 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Hi All,

Sitting on a powder keg here, and waiting to see if things blow up. My AD and I got her latest HIV labs and her viral load quadrupled in three months time. The docs at the clinic are wondering that it may be a 'false' reading (but I'm not, really. Crack does that to the HIV virus). At any rate, they repeated the viral load this past monday and we will get the result of that in a week from today.

If it is is a 'real' reading, she needs to start the HIV meds ASAP. And she needs to get clean in order to do that because HIV meds don't work when they are using, and she knows all that.

The biggest, bestest surprise is that my Leah is saying things like, "Maybe God let me get HIV and let it get so bad so fast because He knows that's the only way I'll ever want to get clean." and "Mom, I really feel like God is speaking to me - like he's warning me to get clean now, or I'll die." Good stuff. She always did have a big spiritual streak since she was a wee little kid, but the drugs buried it for these past 8 years.

So we are waiting on the 2nd set of lab results. They also tested her (finally) for hepatits and we will find out that too. The vomitting and diarrhea have finally subsided - she had a normal stool this week for the first time in a month or more.

Next thursday may be a big day. I will certainly keep you posted.
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Old 02-15-2008, 10:46 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Another mom checking in

Been off & on the SR site for a while - busy at work (state job & 2nd job), also had pneumonia at christmas, never got over it, then relapsed with the flu -

Anyway, AD is still incarcerated - how funny - incarcerated sounds so much more "dignified" than in jail - the mind games that go on in "Ritaville" - no matter how you say it "she's been locked up since early December" - and her court date is around the middle of March - don't kno if she will get off with credit for time served or what -

went to see her once, broke my heart to talk to her thru that glass on the phone - we write letters to each other almost every week - you can tell the drugs are pretty much out of her system - the intelligent Ash is coming thru the letters, she is helping the other girls with their studies for the GED - last few letters have talked about her gratefulness for her education and the gift of her intelligence.

I don't know if it was the Christmas season, the weakness from being sick, or the hope of her sounding so positive in her letters - but I have deposited money in her acct, once a month and only $20 each month - but I do feel the pull for it to be more - so kno that I'm going to have to watch that in me - working on a meeting with my Sponsor to make sure that doesn't get out of control.

AH is well - not really sure - 2/7 could have been his 5th sobriety b-day but since the last oh well let's not go into timeframes - anyway - he didn't make that date. Not attending meetings anymore - I was very sad that day - for him, for me, for our marriage, for our daughters and our grandchildren - for what is lost - but sent up prayers that it may be restored.

ok - that's it for me -
Big ole Mom hugs out to all of the Parents

Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita
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Old 02-15-2008, 05:53 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by cece1960 View Post
All's quiet on the home front here in Ceceville.
Still sticking with the quit (smoking), so any drama has probably been caused by me

I'm on my 4th week of not smoking (usually 1 1/2 packs a day)
I'm using the chantix pill, it's really good, I don't seem to be a beatch.
or so I think lol
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Old 02-15-2008, 08:21 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Hi all,
I have not been on the boards of late..i've been dealing with a BP2 inbalance and chronic fatigue...
I've been doing all of the codie work with my daughter, but over the last while I have been doing some emotional work around that and I am relieved to say that at some point in the last week, I came to a place where I could finally 'see' her life and her choices and 'know' how powerless I am, not just words...I am finally at a place where I can truly stand back and disconnect from her llife and any responsibility for how she chooses to live it. The really cool thing about all of this that before when I was a flaming codie, brittle with fear about her life, I could not see the truth that was her life, and I could not see any hope in her life.. Now I can see that she is capable of doing what she needs to do to fix her life, and that it is her timetable, not mine.

As a single parent and a parent of a child with some handicapps because of her cancer, learning disabilities, and BP2, it was easy in the past for me to fall into a place of not believing that.
It was her birthday tuesday, she is 24. We spent the afternoon together. She talked and I listened, without the need to push, pull or control. She told me that she was pregnant but was getting an abortion...She talked about quitting drinking, and I listened..It cannot be my desire but hers. She can talk and I can be hopeful for her, but that is it. I do not know when she will stop drinking... I recognize now when she is telling me something she thinks I want to hear... Right now she is in love with an alcoholic,is living with him and is full codie with him..He is the same age as her, a bit wilder and not as mature so God knows where that will go.
I only know that I love her, and wish her well, but it is no longer my job to worry and figure out how she will stop.. That is such a trap for me...
Doing the codie work is one thing ,coming to a place of acceptance required a mourning process...

Hope all is well with everyone...

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Old 02-17-2008, 11:17 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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AD just casually told me in a phone conversation, she called, ( I do not call her) that abf stopped doing coke for her.....she was doing meth for a bit sometime ago and I try not to let my mind wander to visions of the two of them hunched over the coffee table......let go and let God....let go and let GOD...
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Old 02-17-2008, 11:25 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Can I join the parent check-in group? I ranted the other day about my 24 year old son and wanted to tell all the folks who responded how much I value your advice, input and encouragement. And Grateful2b, I think that once the mourning period is over you do feel a certain peace. Perhaps it is just in letting go of the fight and surrendering. But I have a problem with maintaining that serenity! I try to stop my mind when it starts going down the codie path with my son, try to love the son underneath the addict like advised, and try to keep my head clear with what is enabling and what is just being a mom. It's so hard to fend off the anxiety sometimes. I sure could use a mantra for these moments!
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Old 02-17-2008, 11:51 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Absolutely, Peach....when I first came to this site, I had no idea I was a flaming codie...Thank you SR!! I had banged my head against the wall for 7 years trying to figure out WHY I had such a hard time letting go...It was a mystery to me.I proceeded to do the work like a good little codie girl... Did all the boundary work with her, made the changes I needed to make...but I wanted to be free of the pain I felt... but I wasn't prepared for the emotional fallout....the vacuum left in my life that my codie behavior filled up...(single-parent, only child, almost lost her to cancer and the street) ...when I finally came to a place of truly accepting that I was and seeing how much it had defined my life, it was emotionally devastating because of my denial of my emotions for so long...but a tremendous relief to 'see' that I am powerless and can finally let go.....
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Old 02-17-2008, 12:13 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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I just wanted to add that I am just so humbled at this point by the power of my addiction...teach, you spoke of serenity...I don't have an answer, except to just get up the next day and have at it as honestly as I can.. Through out the years I have drawn on the comfort and strength of the God of my understanding to show me the way( he directed me here).. and I trust that I will find some peace as I work the truth of MY life....and let my daughter work the truth of hers...
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Old 02-17-2008, 06:55 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Hello all,
AS is still in Oregon. He decided to take the plea deal of 18 months soft probation for transporting marijuana w/ intent to distribute.
But since he's pretty committed to this life style it's only a matter of time until he is back in jail. He believes he is a marijuana rights activist.
Its hard for many reasons but I am learning its his journey and not mine and I need to stop waiting for the next shoe to drop( easier said than done) and have faith that whatever happens is in Gods hands and part of my son's lessons. ( Although I occasionally have dreams about kidnapping him and sending him to Tibet until his probation is done. Bad Codie thoughts but I'm not acting on them!))
We have good talks and he shares lots. He feels its hypocritical to say its okay to smoke pot occasionally but still keep it illegal so he's taken it upon himself to battle this. I mostly listen, and know I can't control his decisions, but sometimes I have to run for the duct-tape. since I've said my peace, (okay so I've yelled a few times not so peacefully), he knows the risks, he knows the affects, so anything else from me is too much. And he can debate me to the ground. He has so much ( biased) research on it, so it's not worth it to try. He's convinced.
Granted he is doing much better (physically and mentally) than when he was into harder drugs. The Trust is back, ( he is into truthfulness these days, more than I want actually) and he is back to being the person who cares about everyone and everything, but I wish he would see it's one addiction for another. He still can't do anything w/o going to extremes. He tries to say he gets it from me as I taught him to look beyond the self ,and to think and learn, and stand up for what you believe in. ( thanks but this isn't what I had in mind!):crazy No this ones on him.
He is a smart guy was always reading non-fiction. But his beliefs seem to get further away from mine, which seems to be hard on both of us. "Sigh" Got to love em.
Cathy
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Old 02-18-2008, 06:06 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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i have been kinda in & out lately. i have gone full time at work for awhile & it has been 15yrs since i worked full time. i also had the flu that was going around. my a.s. is still sitting in jail. my grandson went to court & they put him in juvenile waiting for a bed at a training center.i am happy about this. at 16 it was hard to think about him being in the county jail. i did not go to court for him. that was a first for me.i have not accepted any calls from him or his dad. i am still turning them over daily to God. i have accepted the fact that my son may never get clean & live a normal life but i still have hope.
thanks for this thread. it is good to see what is going on with everyone. prayers from this mom for you & our addict children. hugs,
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