tnthelp

It's been 4 days since I asked my boy friend to leave.... Yesterday was the hardest day ever. It still seems to be one hour at a time, even one minute at a time. I hurt so bad, I miss him so much, and wish I hadn't mades him leave yet. I can't seem to find anything to take my mind off the pain. He doesn't seem to hurt at all. He just sticks this crap in his arm and keeps on going....... Says he loves me more than the drug but still he chooses it over me. He's just moving on with his life. I'm stuck here........ I can't even pick up the pieces.


When does it start to feel better?

kj0975

It takes a long time to get over the pain of a break up. I think its harder when an addict is involved cause your left with alot of other unanswered questions, feelings, thoughts. He is not in a good place right now the drug controls his entire existance. Time heals all wounds I found it really helps when there is no contact. Its hard at first but as time goes on its easier. You will find you've gone a who day without thinking of him, then it goes to weeks, months, years. Give yourself time to feel the pain and get over the breakup. It does get easier.

tnthelp

I just need to tell our storry,

I'm sorry guys, I know ther eis not a lot you can say. I know it takes time. I know it takes a long time. I'm at my rock bottom I guess, I can't change him, and it hurts to bad to wait on him. I know he loves me, he's not using me, but his drug use destoys me.
We go so far back, we were best friends, I still remember like it was yester day (14yrs ago) I remeber walking late at night and sitting on a swing set on a school play ground I was 21 he was 29, and we talked about every thing, and the sprinklers came on. They popped right out of the ground, we ran but they were every where, finally it was use less, we just walked and laughed. I was falling in love but he was recovering from a marriage that he had destroyed by snorting coke...... They had been divorced for 2.5 years, and he beat kept beating him self up over killing their life. I never saw him high, but I knew he was not ready to stop. After they split he started smoking crack. We enjoyed each other and spent every minute together we had away from work, he was not doing any drugs at the time, but I could tell he was getting 'bored'. One night he was no where to be found and I knew the next day that he had been out getting high. I met him for dinner the next day and at the end of dinner I told him I couldn't watch what happen next. He never asked what I ment, he knew. I packed my stuff and moved to Oklahoma. It was so easy then. I had only planned to spend the summer in Dallas and way.
It never hurt to think about that summer, I held those memories very high. I loved him, always would. 14 years later we meet again, he's gone from smoking crack to shooting coke. Anvilhead, you asked what if any thing made me think he needed me? He made me think he needed me, he told me he didn't realize until I had been gone a couple years how much he had loved me. He said he needed me to be his reason to stay clean, he made me promise to never alow it. I kept my promise, but I'm the one paying the price with my heart.
He's a great person, but can't keep a job. He functions well for a while then startes to take off pay days, and you know the rest. No money, no drugs, Gets a job and starts over. I can't call that a functioning addict but........... he makes it, there is no rock bottom for him. He is depressed and has tried suiside, once when his wife left and again just a few weeks ago. He's in hell, and I can't help him. I'm in hell and he can't help me.
I wish I had realized how hard it was to love an addict, I would have forgotten that summer in Dallas had I know it would ever come to this........

Miss Pink

the pain eased when i sought support.

alanon, naranon...any-anon...have you gone yet?

tnthelp

I can't find anything in my town, the closest is about 30 min away. I've got to start helping me, but I'm very depressed and find it hard to go into public. We are in a small east texas town. Leave it to an addict to find a dealer here.

Oh! NO NO, I didn't really think of it as a fairy tale, it was more like a tragedy. I lost him twice to drugs. You'd think I'd learn, but I'll always love him. I don't know that I'll forget the pain this time. I hate addiction and how it controls people.

I allowed this to happen to me, I knew the risk and took it. I just didn't understand the nature of the beast, not sure I ever will.

just for today

but you can help yourself....you are both in the hell of your own choosing...his choice to use drugs and not get help, your choice to allow a known drug user in your life....now don't get me wrong I'm not putting you down for your choices, we are human (and tend to believe in fairy tales) and all make unwise choices....but we can use those unwise choices as lessons learned or we can continue to believe that someone that has been a addict for all those years is going to change and be what you dreamed he would be, just because that is what you want....it ain't gonna happen....these are his choices and he has that right and please think about what you are missing so badly, the dream of long ago or the reality of watching him fill his body with drugs......no matter what he says what he is offering you is not love, actions not words tell the tale, what he is offering you heartache...like you said he is doing his drugs and moving on.....that is what addicts do....I wish it were different.....you must put the focus on you because that is all you can control....

tnthelp

He called and ask if he could come pick up something he left here. I said yes, I knew he needed money, I hit my knees and prayed for the strength to say NO.
When he got here he kept making small talk and I could tell he wanted to ask, I was ready to say no and felt good about it. I don't know why I'm stronger when he's in front of me. I think it reminds me of why I said leave in the first place. He didn't ask, maybe he knew the answer, I don't know.
I know most of you don't think he will stop after so many years, but I know in my heart he will. I saw that man today, the one that wants more. I know he's lonely and he misses me. I may not see it again for weeks if he finds money, but it renewed my faith that it's still possible. He knows rehab is his only option, and he said tonight I was thinking of getting high one last time calling you to take me to the VA, I didn't say a word at first then said just let me know when you are ready. He said I thought about it all day yesterday. I can't push him. He left and a friend called a few minutes later and said I just saw "%%%" and he was parked and it looked like he was crying??? Is every thing ok??
I lost it so now the "secret is out" I kept it hush hush he was using again, I know I know,

I knew he was crying when he left but he tries to act all tough..... he's the toughest ACTING guy I know, in fact the first thing many people say is "he sure is a manly man" it's kind of a flaw, not really a good thing, but I know it's not real. (He cried when the cowboys lost) Any way, just wanted to share how my day ended, with a little tiny glimmer of hope. I needed it so bad......... Don't throw to hard guys......