obsessed

Ok, what game is my AD playing now??? Lauren has texted since Saturday everyday telling me she is coming home!!Ok, Satureday night I was at a friends house and told her where I was but told her she could come over ther if she wanted but I was not going home, that stopped that nothing else, then Sunday before noon, she started it again and I told her I was still at my friends house but she again could come over there and again nothing so yesterday, I was supposed to work but just could not get it all together so I called in and was at my friendKates house and she texted and asked what time I got off work I told her that I did not go and that I was at Kates but I was getting ready to go home then she texted told me her jeans were in the dryer then she would be on her way, well of course nothing so I went to bed and when I got up this morning I had 2 text messages from her, one said she would be home within a hour and the last one telling me to leave the door unlocked but I was asleep so I don't konw and then it started this morning, asking what time I get off,I told her then the last I heard was I will be home when you get home so I am not sure what kind of game she is playing!! I wondered if late at night like that she has nothing else to do and she knows how I sleep..not very much anymore but I just can't figure out what she is doing. I have accepted that she has to be the one to get tired of living the way she is that no matted what I want for her does not matter, that she has to make that decision!!! I am trying and I know texting her back is something I should stop and I am going to work on that starting NOW!! But I did not come home Saturday or Sunday when she texted. I look at it and I think I have put my life on hold for this for over 2 years and Iam not going to jump and run home everytime she does this..it is not fair to me and no more of that!!! Now I just gotta work on the texti:atvng!!

marle

She is trying to control you. Stop letting her. Stop texting, remove it from your phone if you have to. If anything happens to her, you will find out. She is doing what addicts do and you are allowing yourself to be sucked in. You can choose to stop anytime you get tired of it. Whether you accept her text messaging will not change what she is doing, but it is changing you. Said with love and concern because I have been there. Hugs, Marle

Cupicake

she very likely does want to come home but the same thing stops her that stops all active addicts. once they get their drug in hand...well,...you know how the story goes. i found it worked for me when i told my addict not to say he's coming home until he's about to ring my bell or at my door step when he would seemingly play this game with me. it also helped to not set up an expectation that he will be where he says he's going to be....we know how that story goes too, right?

NoelleR

Hey Obsessed ----

You've gotten some good suggestions here, but one thing that you wrote has me a bit concerned....heck, it has me very concerned....."

"...I had 2 text messages from her, one said she would be home within a hour and the last one telling me to leave the door unlocked..."

Leave the door unlocked?.....and the question regarding when you would be home from work.....? Being a recovered addict myself, the first thing that popped into my head was that she was 'casing the joint.' Leave the door unlocked.....? If I had said that to my mom.....many, many years ago, I would have been thinking....when she's gone, with the door unlocked, I can get in, get all the 'stuff' I want, and get out......just a thought.....

Just remember, actions speak louder than words, and she doesn't seem to have any actions.....cept mebbe using.....btw, I am truly sorry you're going through this..... (o:


NoelleR
DOS/Clean Date: 6/23/86

hello-kitty

Yuk. I feel for you. She'll be home when she's done using and not a moment sooner. The key is boundaries. I hope you don't let your place be a crash house for her between binges because in my experience, that is what she is looking for right now. She wants to be sure that she has a place when the "fun" runs out but the "fun" keeps going longer than expected.

laurie6781

I too had some Red Flags on the leave the door unlocked and when will you be home.

But something else struck me because I did the same thing only back then there were no cell phones and I would call on the phone, (pay phones were only a dime, yeah I know I'm aging myself).

There is a pattern. When she is coming down, she wants to come home and try............then she gets her DOC and forgets that she was coming home. Starts to come down again and calls, then get DOC and forgets, etc and on and on and on.

Don't respond, erase her messages, change the locks, make sure all windows are locked and although you will definitely worry, time to get on with the business of living YOUR LIFE. She will change when she is ready and not one second sooner.

She's young and I would suspect her DOC hasn't brought her to her knees yet, but it will evenutally.

Please take care of YOU. I know it's hard, but understand that her HP is watching over her. She may have some HARD LESSONS yet to learn.

Now I don't mean this meanly, however, letting her bounce in and out of your house is NOT helping her. Maybe some Alanon meetings would help you to set some boundaries, especially one like, you may only stay here if and when you are on your way to rehab, and you must not be using.

I don't know your daughter as you do, however, any enabling on your part is just prolonging her bottom. Hell my parents enabled me until I was 33 1/2 and then finally said NO MORE and meant it. It still took me another 2 1/2 years and 1 1/2 of those living on the street to finally get sober and clean.

Please keep posting, you know we care very much and are very concerned about YOU!!

Prayers and good thoughts heading your way.

Love and hugs,

SoberAndy

"Leave the door unlocked" set off alarm bells for me too. NEVER leave the door unlocked for her when you're not there.

The question is, should you even want her home if she's not clean? I would tell her that the door will be open for her only if she gets back into treatment.

NoelleR

One quick note Obsessed.....just for clarification.....

Please don't think that I'm calling your daughter a thief (obviously there are other explanations for what she has said).....I guess what I'm really saying is that I was a thief.....and this might be a possibility.....just be careful.....

I'll be keeping you both in my prayers..... (o:


NoelleR