hopeful7

I have 3 duaghters living at home. Our addict daughter got out of jail 3 months ago and is now trying methadone. Won't follow through to clinics. She is stealing money cigs and clothing of the other girls. Lieing to me about having people in the house when I'm working. And hanging out with an old boyfriend that uses. I'm going out of my mind and other girls too. She also is bi-polar and won't take those meds. It gets explosvie when we confornt her. I hold my tough to keep the peace. I have to make a stand but if she's out of the house I think she'll be homeless and its cold. What do I do? I am ready to tell her out, but afraid of the explosive combativeness. See dr.s and clinics for 4 weeks now with no program in place. Probation should be starting soon, but I don't know if I can wait. The other girls are in bad mental shape trying to keep their things safe and not putting more pressure on me. It's cold, if it was warm I could do it easier.

SoberAndy

My heart goes out to you.

Can you really afford to have her home? She's using and will continue to use without treatment. Most likely the real reason she is refusing treatment is that they will urine test her.

You could tell her that she cannot stay home, but you will help her get into rehab. If she refuses, then it's her choice to go out into the cold.

mooselips

hopeful7,
Hugs to you, it's so difficult to deal with addiction, and as you can see, addiction is a family disease.

Since you are asking what to do, I think IMO, I would give her a timeline to move out. If she is not open to recovery, then for the sake of your 2 other daughters, and your sanity, she has to move on.

Sometimes, we prolong the agony by thinking they have no resources. It's actually amazing how many resources addicts have to keep them fed and warm. Give her a timeline, AND a list of homeless shelters. Her choice on where she would rather be.

And for you, have you tried Alanon meetings? A wonderful place for support, and strength for you and your daughters.

Hugs,

Ann

I agree with what Moose said. "We" are not their only option...we're not even a good one. Rehabs are good and so are shelters. Most shelters have counselors on staff who will help them get into a program if they show sincere interest.

For your sanity and that of your other daughters, please don't wait until this destroys the whole family.

Hugs and Prayers for all of you.

Spiritual Seeker

With my son, through the yrs. he has been put out 3 times. He can no longer stay here when most of what he says is a lie, he refuses treatment and chaos is in my house. No way will I allow stealing. He left himself last week because the option was treatment or out. My boundary didn't sober him up, but at least it is not crazy here now.
Hopeful7 - I know it gets more complicated when they have mental health issues (that is the true in my son's case too) Wishing you the strength and wisdom to make the right choices for you and your family. Remember, progress not perfection.

sickatheart

My heart goes out to you also,


I am exactly where you are, with my 19 yr old addict daughter. She went to detox 8 days and took off with addict B/F to start shooting up again I went from disbelief, to sadness to anger, She has been out on the streets for 11 days now with A/B/F (sleeping on his porchz) to make a long story short she calls me tonight and wants me to take her to the hospital because she says she doesn't want to use drugs anymore. Now its 3 hrs later 1:00 in the morning and she called and her father told her she can find her own way there. She says she has no place to sleep and it's cold but, she managed for the last 11 nights.

In any case the bottom line ,I told her is you have to go to detox and find yourself some fkind of rehab for a good long while and get clean in order to come back home. And if in the meantime you wind up in jail (oh well) I love her but she has to start facing some of the consequences of her a addiction and start taking responsibility for herself and her own actions. I'm sooo tired of it all.....


Hugs and prayers for you and your daughter

Joanne

sleepygoat

You already got some very good advice. I threw my AD out 18 months ago, after giving her every opportunity to seek treatment, get clean, etc. She survived, and so did I but it's not easy. These are our kids, and letting go while they self-destruct is unbelievably difficult. But I don't regret throwing her out for a second. I could'n continue to live that way - locking up my wallet, checkbook, credit cards, etc. she still managed to steal DVD's and CD's - the her attitude was terrible. BTW, she's a much nicer person now that i don't have to live with her (though she's still using).

caileesnana

My AD, 23, has been in and out for 6 years. I couldn't make myself quit "helping" her until her counselor at the last rehab (who has 20+ years clean) told me all I was helping was to help kill her. I started learning after that and continue today. I have put her out, called the police, reported her for theft and she has chosen to be clean for 3-4 months come home and leave again, no word, just gone.

There is no cookie cutter clear answer, but as most here will say, to have a using or recently recovering addict live in your home is hell! My family does better when she is gone. We worry and miss the old her, but the hour by hour misery is gone and that is better for us all.

prayers for you, keep coming back!
susan

hopeful7

I apprieciate all your comments and your support. Probably the main reason I posted. I have made my mind up today to give her the option of I'll take you to rehab/supported living but 2 weeks is the limit. Been here before and I'm not looking forward to it. The only thing that may help is she didn't go to a probation intake yesterday(even though she said she was). The probation officer came while I was at work. She's gone now, but I see she has another appointment on monday.

Thank you all for the help to see clearly that I have to put all of us at home in a safe environment. And it's her choices that make it impossible for her to stay home.