shymis72

Hi. I just happened on this site searching for how to find a sponser. My boyfriend (well actually my common law husband since we've been together for 18 years and have 4 kids) has an addiction to opiates. He has gone to rehab twice. He says he wants to quit and the longest he has been clean for is about 17 days. His best friend is an addict and he always says he can hang out with him and not start taking again but it never happens that way. I don't really know why I'm here. I already know that he will probably never change and that everything he tells me is a lie. I also know that I enable him but it is hard not to because he gets mad and calls me names and says stuff to me or breaks stuff or just makes me feel bad and I just give him the money. I know that I should leave especially for my kids sake because as long as he gets what he wants he doesn't care if they have anything including a place to live as he has spent our rent money and sold their stuff to get a pill. I think I'm just scared of the change because we have been together so long and I'm scared maybe I am making the wrong decision and maybe I am supposed to stay here to help him. He has told me that he would get a sponser and go to meetings but he hasn't because he doesn't really talk too much and he doesn't know where to go and even if he did go he wouldn't ask someone to be a sponser. I pray all the time for help to find an answer or just advice maybe that's why i found this site, I don't know. If anyone would like to offer any advice please reply.

cece1960

Welcome (((shymis)))
You're from my neck of the woods...and I know its not just us that have gotten caught up in the opiate addiction cycle. Its rampant, and its easy to find someone who is using also.

It sounds like you already understand that enabling them, and putting up with the rampage of an addict is helping nothing to change.

The hard part for us, is taking action to change our world. There's no real easy solution or advice other than to begin to take it on on our terms, not the addicts terms. I can just about guarantee you that as long as those actions give him what he needs...his ability to use, then they will continue.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Just as it takes a tremendous amount of courage for an addict to step outside of their "normal" behavior, its takes just as much for us to do the same. And sometimes it takes time and practice.

Seeking help here, and at meetings if you're willing, can be the support you need.

You and your family are important...and he CAN change if HE'S willing.

Stick around, there are great people here who understand

((((Hugs))))

BayAreaPhoenix

shymis: Sounds like you're in a really tough spot. After 18 years with this man, you know him well and it sounds like the addiction has been part of that life for a long time. You know what will change. Nothing changes if nothing changes as the saying around here goes. Read around at everyone's stories, and the advice and support that will be coming here along this thread, you will be able to make the right decision for you at the right time!

You've found a great place to gather strength and wisdom!