Developing a backbone
 

Ahem, I'm somewhat of a pushover at times. Something I'm working on. Just venting here really.

Today my adult son (who is an addict) who I think is recovering (never sure) asked to use my car as his is not running right. He also asked for gas money. I told him I don't want him to use my car as he lives with us so I don't believe he is insured on it without paying an extra premium for him. I think he would be covered if he were living elsewhere. Anyway it's not much of a car but it's all mine. Just got it paid off this month. So he said he would risk taking his and hope he made it. I said fine. He said he is going to look for a job. So I did give him $10 for gas and told him I wanted a receipt. I said "I love you and I don't care if you get upset but right now I can't trust that you will buy gas with it so I need a receipt." I also told him to ask his wife for any money next time.

I try to help them out but am getting tired of it. So good for me! I actually did it! Oh and also he needs to pick up his son at school to save on child care expenses. I told him he could walk as the school is close and we live in a warm climate.

It seems a bit silly to be so happy about a small step but I'm so proud of myself anyway, lol.

KariSue

((((KariSue))))

It's not silly to be happy about standing up for yourself!!! We all start with baby steps, and each time we take one, we get a little bit stronger and ready for the next one.

Keep taking care of you!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

KariSue! Boy do I know how good (and silly) it feels when you see your own progress, little steps or not. For me, it just gives me that sense of "yes" my work is paying off and if I keep going, these "little" victories for myself are just going to keep being more and more until it's my way of life! I can't wait for that! In the meantime, take joy in your small step - you should!!!!! :Dance7:

KariSue-
I also don't think it's silly at all! I feel just like you do regarding my son and his "casual" attempts at getting $5-$10 out of me. And absolutely NO to the "Can I use your car?" stuff as well..... Thanks for this "silly" post!

It's not silly to me. I'm so happy for you that you are learning to change and that you feel good about it too! That's doubly good in my book.

Good for you KariSue, I'm right there with you. We have been going through cocaine here with my son. (he doesn't live with us)) and I am at my ropes end. He went through rehab and I thought he was doing so well. I am now questioning this and am thinking through detaching if he doesn't get back into the program and get a sponser. Its so sad that they can't see all the harm they are doing to their bodies and minds....Stick to your guns and maybe we can help each other out. This iste is a godsent and I love the support and people here......Hugs, Bonnie

Yep, I definitely hear you! That is what it has been like around here. I'm trying to grow a new body part..a backbone, lol.

KariSue

I am questioning too. It's hard. You think they are not using but you're not sure. Whenever I feel like that I assume they are but that's just me. Like I know one of the signs that someone is using cocaine is that they talk like a motormouth...just yack on and on with hardly a break. Just the other night my son was doing that but I was pretty sure he wasn't using at least for awhile before that night. Now I'm not sure. I don't know how one is ever sure...

Someone here told me that you should look for "actions" of an addict not "words" as we all know they are good liars. That helped me. Also, the 3 c's. I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it.

Good luck to us all! We certainly don't deserve this but at least we have each other. :ghug2

KariSue

Progress not perfection. And it sure feels good when you realize YOU CAN do it!
susan

KariSue,
Good for you, for setting BOUNDARIES.
I just told my oldest son the other day, when he asked why I didn't trust him, that trust is hard to come by, once you've been burned so many times.

Hugs,

Yea for you. You are not a push-over
You have a backbone where your wishbone use to be.
It feels good to stand our ground. He may not change, but you are, so that is still a very good thing.

Love it, SS.
KariSue, you are awesome, and I understand the little steps!
I'm now "snapped back" to (almost) where I was 2 yrs. ago. AS is/was? using again, and now is living with me. He has been pilfering...ok stealing $$ lately and I am not tolerating it anymore! :bounce