Just not good enough...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 51
Just not good enough...
Another day, another day filled with calls from my AB. I know I shouldn't answer. Sometimes I dont even look at the call display. I should know better. I do know better. Ok, maybe I don't.
At least the volume was down today. Only 7 calls, compared to 11 yesterday and 14 a couple days ago. He is "STARVING" and has "NOTHING". He "NEEDS" smokes and "NEEDS" me to help.
How many times do you need to say no before they stop asking?
Definately more than 32.
Despite me working 14 hours a day for the last 3 days, he wants me to go to the bank and get him cash so he can eat. I told him to go to the foodbank. He said he can't get there. He "NEEDS" to get out of his new welfare funded place, people are doing drugs all around him, but he's been clean for 3 weeks. Oh, right. He said he has no welfare money, they cut him off (after a week?) because the person he is living with is scamming the system.
Strange, I thought they put you into that place. "NO NO NO" he says, they really did cut me off. Oh, right. So they didn't put you into that place? Hmm -- I'm lost, again. So, I cave. I say I'll drive you tomorrow to the welfare office and the foodbank to get his all figured out. No, thats not good enough.
He cries, he begs, he is a mess. My guilt really seemed to get the best of me today, and I cave.....again.
Ok, I will bring you over some soup and bread.
.
.
.
.
.
WHAT? YOU DONT WANT IT?
.
.
.
.
Oh right, you need cash to buy special juice for your diabetic heroin addicted roommate because you drank his last night. And you need to replace the organic food of his you ate. And you need to buy smokes for the guy down the street cause you borrowed some off him.
Fine. No soup for you.
I go against everything I know, and I make the offer to help, and its not good enough. I'm not good enough. My soup isn't good enough. But my cash is. Oh, right.
Phone is now unplugged.
At least the volume was down today. Only 7 calls, compared to 11 yesterday and 14 a couple days ago. He is "STARVING" and has "NOTHING". He "NEEDS" smokes and "NEEDS" me to help.
How many times do you need to say no before they stop asking?
Definately more than 32.
Despite me working 14 hours a day for the last 3 days, he wants me to go to the bank and get him cash so he can eat. I told him to go to the foodbank. He said he can't get there. He "NEEDS" to get out of his new welfare funded place, people are doing drugs all around him, but he's been clean for 3 weeks. Oh, right. He said he has no welfare money, they cut him off (after a week?) because the person he is living with is scamming the system.
Strange, I thought they put you into that place. "NO NO NO" he says, they really did cut me off. Oh, right. So they didn't put you into that place? Hmm -- I'm lost, again. So, I cave. I say I'll drive you tomorrow to the welfare office and the foodbank to get his all figured out. No, thats not good enough.
He cries, he begs, he is a mess. My guilt really seemed to get the best of me today, and I cave.....again.
Ok, I will bring you over some soup and bread.
.
.
.
.
.
WHAT? YOU DONT WANT IT?
.
.
.
.
Oh right, you need cash to buy special juice for your diabetic heroin addicted roommate because you drank his last night. And you need to replace the organic food of his you ate. And you need to buy smokes for the guy down the street cause you borrowed some off him.
Fine. No soup for you.
I go against everything I know, and I make the offer to help, and its not good enough. I'm not good enough. My soup isn't good enough. But my cash is. Oh, right.
Phone is now unplugged.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
it is not you that is not good enough. do not let him put u down like this. you deserve & he is not good enough to give u what u deserve,respect !!!! hands off the addict. keep coming back,we will walk this road with you.prayers,
Trying to get out of God's way
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Freeland Michigan
Posts: 60
Wow RUB does THAT whole scenario ring a couple bells LOL...seems the CA$H is what they want, doesn't matter what else you are willing to give up...I have been in those shoes more times than I care to remember. And it's not YOU that's not good enough, remember that please. They put us in that position where we seem "uncaring" - they get us all hyped up, thinking something bad is gonna happen if we don't take them some cash, and nobody wants anything bad to happen to their kid! They play us and know just what buttons to push!!
Good luck with this situation, I will pray for you and your son - and keep reading the "let me fall" writings on my desk :-)
Good luck with this situation, I will pray for you and your son - and keep reading the "let me fall" writings on my desk :-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 51
Thanks Laura,
And dont worry, I KNOW that I am good enough. I'm good enough to say no. 14 times on Monday. 11 times yesterday. 7 times today. And I will keep saying no tomorrow as well.
He made me fall victim to my guilt today, my guilt of leaving him high and dry, without food. But of course, thats now what he was after.
Also, just to clarify, my addict is my older brother.
And dont worry, I KNOW that I am good enough. I'm good enough to say no. 14 times on Monday. 11 times yesterday. 7 times today. And I will keep saying no tomorrow as well.
He made me fall victim to my guilt today, my guilt of leaving him high and dry, without food. But of course, thats now what he was after.
Also, just to clarify, my addict is my older brother.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((Rub)))
I think you did great....yes, you let him guilt you, but you realized it for what it was and you rebounded and unplugged the phone. As an RA, I can assure you it's all about money! And, honestly, I never went hungry. Even when I was on the streets, there were people who got to know me and would bring me FOOD....not money, because they knew what I would spend it on.
If I went hungry, it was my choice. If I slept on a hard floor in a vacant apartment or walked the streets 24/7, it was my choice. He can live with his choices, too.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I think you did great....yes, you let him guilt you, but you realized it for what it was and you rebounded and unplugged the phone. As an RA, I can assure you it's all about money! And, honestly, I never went hungry. Even when I was on the streets, there were people who got to know me and would bring me FOOD....not money, because they knew what I would spend it on.
If I went hungry, it was my choice. If I slept on a hard floor in a vacant apartment or walked the streets 24/7, it was my choice. He can live with his choices, too.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Fine. No soup for you.
It sort of sums up my definitions of boundaries. What I have learned about boundaries is that we can say "No, I am not willing or able to do THAT for you, but I can do THIS instead." And then the A is given the opportunity to choose.
Soup or no Soup.
Fine. No soup for you.
((( rub )))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 51
Thanks all.
Imagine, He calls again this morning (phone was back on as our business office is run from home). He "HAS TO" get a ride. Why? He "NEEDS" to get food. Just not my food. How? He wont say. So you are going to steal food and then get back in my truck? Not a chance. Oh, no, new story. "SOMEONE" gave him money. Of course!! And he needs to be there for at least an hour. An hour to buy your heroin addicted diabetic roomate some juice? Wow - complicated stuff.
So happy I am going away for a mini vacation this afternnon. Couldn't come at a better time.
And no soup for you - Classic Seinfeld!
Imagine, He calls again this morning (phone was back on as our business office is run from home). He "HAS TO" get a ride. Why? He "NEEDS" to get food. Just not my food. How? He wont say. So you are going to steal food and then get back in my truck? Not a chance. Oh, no, new story. "SOMEONE" gave him money. Of course!! And he needs to be there for at least an hour. An hour to buy your heroin addicted diabetic roomate some juice? Wow - complicated stuff.
So happy I am going away for a mini vacation this afternnon. Couldn't come at a better time.
And no soup for you - Classic Seinfeld!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Rub)))
The sad part is, when we are in active addiction, we don't realize how stupid we sound when we are trying to get money. I wasn't as bad as your brother, but you've reminded me today of another reason I'm so glad I'm clean!!!
Hang in there...he'll eventually figure out what he's doing is not going to work with you....just takes a while when your mind is stuck on dope. Sorry he's still calling, but I think you are doing great!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
The sad part is, when we are in active addiction, we don't realize how stupid we sound when we are trying to get money. I wasn't as bad as your brother, but you've reminded me today of another reason I'm so glad I'm clean!!!
Hang in there...he'll eventually figure out what he's doing is not going to work with you....just takes a while when your mind is stuck on dope. Sorry he's still calling, but I think you are doing great!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 2,859
I had a friend who is an addict and what he would do is go to the store and steal the expensive steaks and sell them to his friends for cash for drugs. Your doing a great job with your brother he will soon learn that he cant pull one over on you. He is a determined little bugger though isnt he. I cant imagine what your poor parents go through on a daily basis no wonder they needed a vacation. I fell I need one just reading what your going through.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 590
Originally Posted by CatsPajamas 
I don't know why, but that just cracks me up! :rof
It sort of sums up my definitions of boundaries. What I have learned about boundaries is that we can say "No, I am not willing or able to do THAT for you, but I can do THIS instead." And then the A is given the opportunity to choose.
Soup or no Soup.
Fine. No soup for you.
((( rub )))
It sort of sums up my definitions of boundaries. What I have learned about boundaries is that we can say "No, I am not willing or able to do THAT for you, but I can do THIS instead." And then the A is given the opportunity to choose.
Soup or no Soup.
Fine. No soup for you.
((( rub )))
KariSue
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Nice job, Rub and thanks for making me laugh.
I once took the bus to visit my son across town, stopped at a grocery store not far from his place and bought him a few groceries, the basics. Not 5 minutes after I left he returned them to the store.
They can find drugs, then they can find food. WE don't have to be the only answer.
Again, you shine girl, and the "no soup for you" cracked me up too.
Hugs
I once took the bus to visit my son across town, stopped at a grocery store not far from his place and bought him a few groceries, the basics. Not 5 minutes after I left he returned them to the store.
They can find drugs, then they can find food. WE don't have to be the only answer.
Again, you shine girl, and the "no soup for you" cracked me up too.
Hugs
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