Update on AH
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: newport, ri
Posts: 7
Update on AH
Well hubby came home from detox last night and before he came home I was so scared and nervous and not really sure how to react to him coming home. I dodn't want to throw myself at him because I did miss him but I was still so angry that yet again the lives of my children where disrupted by his addictions..
He came home and said he was going to a meeting at 730. I was happy but at the same time I felt PISSED & ANNOYED!! I felt these things for selfish reasons I have been doing everything solo for so long I thought he would come home and want to spend some time with us. Annoyed that I was left holding the bag on my homework but the kids too, dinner and a house that reeks to the high heaven because of his withdrawal last weekend. He puked & **** from one end to the next. And I also felt distrust, like is really going to a meeting or is he going to use???
I went to a meeting online myself right after and reminded myself these are my issues, the only one he can focuz on is getting better for the good of himself first our family second.
I was proud of myself for having this lil mental arguement in my head and not vocalizing it to him.. Before I would have allowed my anger to take over. I am really trying not to let my issues carry over into resentments.
He left at 650 this am for his all day intensive treatment, he won't be home til almost 6 tonight. I know he needs the meetings and after I thought about it, things are better with him gone. I can focus on me not thinking internally... how do i react if he does this or that.
I have alot of studying to do and I'll put my energy into that, and then an online meeting.
I just with there were more f2f metings for Al-anon around, I need to work on my recovery from being co-dependant.
I know I am just rambling but it helps
My prayers out to everyone...
:praying
reagan
He came home and said he was going to a meeting at 730. I was happy but at the same time I felt PISSED & ANNOYED!! I felt these things for selfish reasons I have been doing everything solo for so long I thought he would come home and want to spend some time with us. Annoyed that I was left holding the bag on my homework but the kids too, dinner and a house that reeks to the high heaven because of his withdrawal last weekend. He puked & **** from one end to the next. And I also felt distrust, like is really going to a meeting or is he going to use???
I went to a meeting online myself right after and reminded myself these are my issues, the only one he can focuz on is getting better for the good of himself first our family second.
I was proud of myself for having this lil mental arguement in my head and not vocalizing it to him.. Before I would have allowed my anger to take over. I am really trying not to let my issues carry over into resentments.
He left at 650 this am for his all day intensive treatment, he won't be home til almost 6 tonight. I know he needs the meetings and after I thought about it, things are better with him gone. I can focus on me not thinking internally... how do i react if he does this or that.
I have alot of studying to do and I'll put my energy into that, and then an online meeting.
I just with there were more f2f metings for Al-anon around, I need to work on my recovery from being co-dependant.
I know I am just rambling but it helps
My prayers out to everyone...
:praying
reagan
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
i'm pretty sure we are advised to support the addict in his attempts to recover. you sound pretty resentful and i hope you can get some support. if you're angry when he's using and angry when he's recovering--trying--then seems it's a losing situation. he has a disease he's dying from.
i was a single mother who raised a child alone, with no money from anyone and no family to help out. and it wasn't because of an addict. it was just the way it was. you also have single-parent responsibilities and the reason is that you have a sick husband. it's just the way it is. we need to be careful about our resentments. we can get sicker than the addict.
good luck to you and i hope he manages to hang onto recovery. at least he's trying.
i was a single mother who raised a child alone, with no money from anyone and no family to help out. and it wasn't because of an addict. it was just the way it was. you also have single-parent responsibilities and the reason is that you have a sick husband. it's just the way it is. we need to be careful about our resentments. we can get sicker than the addict.
good luck to you and i hope he manages to hang onto recovery. at least he's trying.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: newport, ri
Posts: 7
bluejay
that was the point of my post.. I didn't let MY issues get in the way of his recovery. I knew how important it was and realized that I have to work on me. I went to a meeting and shared and realized that he can't or won't be a part of our family until he has more time in recovery...
I was proud of the fact that I didn't let petty things bubble forth from my mouth as they have been known to do.
that by taking a step back and thinking before speaking I didn't have to put either of us first or last. We were both working on our recovery simultaneously.
As far as the distrust, I think this early in the game anyone dealing with an addict is going to have those feelings and with time they will fade or be shown valid.
I am trying and I am glad he is trying, instead of the ostrich approach we always had, ignore it and it'll go away
one day at a time
that was the point of my post.. I didn't let MY issues get in the way of his recovery. I knew how important it was and realized that I have to work on me. I went to a meeting and shared and realized that he can't or won't be a part of our family until he has more time in recovery...
I was proud of the fact that I didn't let petty things bubble forth from my mouth as they have been known to do.
that by taking a step back and thinking before speaking I didn't have to put either of us first or last. We were both working on our recovery simultaneously.
As far as the distrust, I think this early in the game anyone dealing with an addict is going to have those feelings and with time they will fade or be shown valid.
I am trying and I am glad he is trying, instead of the ostrich approach we always had, ignore it and it'll go away
one day at a time
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
synea, It sounds like you are doing really well. Great job on focusing on you and the kids! I know how hard those resentments are! You are doing the right thing by letting him work on his recovery. You are right about trust. You have to watch his actions, and not his words. I have a hard time with the trust thing myself, but I am trying to teach myself that it doesn't matter right now. One day at a time. I need to focus on myself, so that I am safe no matter what he does. Your words are inspiring! Great job!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
