ihatethis

...he's alive and well and on the west coast.

Oddly enough I don't care. I think now I know he's okay I can say goodbye on my terms. I even avoided coming back here because I just don't want to think of him. He contacted me Friday and I got the message Monday, I was actually having a weekend with the girls and not thinking of the ass... the one time I come back from a weekend away where I wasn't checking the phone as soon as I walked in the door... that's when I hear from him!!! He is just so selfish and I have no desire to put up with that bulls**t.

So I figured I'd post that... you guys heard all my whining, so I figured I should mention it when he finally turned up... 17 weeks exactly... no idea where he was. Now he e-mails me and leaves a number and expects me to call. Hell will freeze over before I call him... I swear to god. I just responded, glad you're not dead. You have my number too... take care of yourself. And that was it.

Is it wrong that I want to stab out cigarette butts in his eyes? I don't even smoke.

bluejay6

active addicts have a distinct pattern of separating from their families and their relationships and then returning. it is evoked by the disease. though it is painful for anyone to experience when an addict does this, it is helpful to decide whether you believe the addict is truly at the mercy of an illness which distorts reason and behavior, or if he is just an a**.

if you knew him before he was an addict, perhaps you know the answer for this. if you didn't, then you cannot know if he is a good person ravaged by addiction, or a jerk by nature.

for myself, everytime i say of an active addict "i can't believe he.....", i try to stop and ask myself whether i believe the disease concept of addiction. if i do, then i ask myself why i am angry at a practicing addict behaving precisely like someone with the disease of addiction.

i hope you can sort it all out for yourself.

kj21

thanks for posting ihatethis. 17 weeks...wow that is a long time, did he give any kind of explantion??? sorry, but addict or not he acted like a total a$$, in my opinion.

ihatethis

We knew each other as kids. And I don't know where the line is anymore between him and the addict. I just don't. He got in touch with his family at the same time he got in touch with me... I suspect he fell off the wagon and went into rehab. He's trying to gather things together... I'm just not planning on making anything too easy. He's used to everyone being focused on him and I'm not prepared to look after him. I’m not going to throw him a parade cause he decided to let me know he was alive. I worried so much. I don’t want to give him my worry again. He doesn’t worry about anyone but himself. The only shot I have at ever being treated with respect is to draw my line in the sand. I’m no ones doormat. If he wants contact, he can work for it.

I'm not a heartless person. Really. But no one is going to look after me, but me.

ihatethis

kj21...

no explanation... just I'm sorry. I'm okay and happy... here's the number, ask for me.... I'm not going to ask for anything.... let alone him.

CatsPajamas

That made me laugh.

Thinking it is fine, doing it is another thing. The first allows you to express your angry feelings in an OK way, the latter would involve all sorts of drama and the obvious amends...

There have been a lot of posts lately from some very angry people. It's good to recognize your feelings and to sit with them for awhile. I think it helps in establishing and maintaining boundaries ~ you are in a place to be able to clearly say what you will and will not accept.

Good for you!

Cats

Miss Pink

Is it wrong that I want to stab out cigarette butts in his eyes? I don't even smoke.

priceless.....simply priceless!!!