rub

Well, for those that have been following my story, my brother was kicked out about 10 days ago, and since then my parents have gone on vacation. I am taking care of their house. I stop in daily, feed pets, water plants, make sure no one has broke in.

My brother is calling me often. He needs money, he needs food, he needs to do laundry, he needs "important papers" that are locked in the house. I call bs on all of it. Well, he probably does need food and money...but thats his choice.

He called last night saying that I need to let him in my parents house, or I need to drive him around, or let him borrow my truck. He doesn't ask me for food. He doesn't ask to use my washer and dryer. He says he found a job, but needs my truck to get there. I feel like a cold heartless witch saying no no no all the time. But I know its all lies.

I keep my doors locked while I'm at home, blinds drawn, just incase he comes by. I feel scared of him. Not that he would physically hurt me, he just intimidates me and makes me feel like the jerk in every situation.

So, I can keep saying no no no no, stop answering the phone, hide myself away. Or do I take over a few boxes of Kraft Dinner, a can of soup, and say hope that gets you througha couple days till your welfare check comes in?

I just don't know what to do. Its all dumped on me, and I hate it.

hello-kitty

Good for you for not falling for his games. He's not going to spend his welfare check on food sweetie. You know what he's going to spend it on don't you? I hope you don't bring him anything to eat. Instead, why not give him the names and addresses of food banks or free soup kitchens in your area? Make him be responsible for his choices. If he gets hungry enough he'll go.

I know it's tough but stand your ground. He has chosen this path. Maybe just stop answering the phone when he calls. Sometimes no contact is the best way to avoid the hard luck stories and manipulations.

rub

Thanks. I will look up those phone numbers now, and when he calls again I will let him know. He has friends with vehicles - hopefully one of them will help him get to the food bank.

He never used to call me. Ever. Well, maybe five times over the last year. He knows better than to ask me for money, as the answer is ALWAYS no. I think thats why its so hard. Today I just turned off the ringer. But I guess I need to tell him not to call. My parents told him that if he really needed something while they were gone, to call me. But I know they didnt think he would be calling me 14 times in a day, like today.

peaceteach

Trust your gut, Rub. He's lying... Don't go see him, don't take him food, don't let him near your truck or the house, turn off the phone (that's a major red flag when the calls increase in frequency), and take care of yourself. He must call your parents like this all the time-geez! You all need a vacation from this guy, don't you?

kj21

It is so hard to say no to people you love, but it is the only way to help them. Make them responsible for themselves. He is an adult, he will be OK if he chooses to be. It doesn't make it any easier for you though...hang tough, chin up and try to keep occupied with other things. Hugs,

hope213

you never know what an addict will do. make sure u keep yourself safe. that is the most important thing. i agree,do not give him money & do not lend him your truck. take care of yourself. he will figure things out for himself even if it is not the right thing to do. he is not your problem.keep coming back.

sleepygoat

You are doing very well!!! he needs your truck? The nerve!

rub

Thanks everyone. I have absolutely no intention of giving him money, or leting him "borrow" my truck. I know I would never see the money again, and I may never see my truck either.

I just hate the guilt that goes along with the no. I know I am making the right desicion, my sister and husband support me, but I still feel so sorry for the situation.

hope213

no guilt!!! you did not CAUSE it, you can not CONTROL it, you can not CURE it. remember the 3c's.