Msguy

Hello all-

My Sig. Other is a cocaine addict. She has been clean for 3 years now, but has had a few relapses, including one yesterday. Well, I blew up (I know, should have kept my cool).

Regardless, she is getting help. But in our conversation this morning, I compared her relapse to a breach of our trust. She lied about it, and didn't admit until I showed her the phone records. It isn't the relapse that has me so upset-it's the lying to me. I told her it was on the same level as having an affair-I took it that seriously.

I know addiction is a disease, etc., but at some point an addict has to be truthful with herself and the people around her. Am I overreacting?

Msguy

Well, you are right anvilhead. She is not clean. And a cycle of addiction is not acceptable-not to me, any way.

Thanks for keeping me honest with myself.

hello-kitty

That is a mistake to believe that. Addicts are not truthful to themselves or anyone else for that matter. That's what it means to be an addict. It's called being in denial.

You can't separate addiction from lies. it's all part in parcel. Until using sucks more than not using, an addict will do whatever it takes to keep using - in spite of anything loved ones say or threaten to do. Her actions will speak louder than her words. And so will yours. So keep an eye on her, and an eye on yourself. How long are you willing to wait?

hope213

i am glad to see you here. you seem ready to work your recovery & that is what really matters. you, it is not about her. what do you want out of your relationship? it sounds to me as if you need to set some boundries. she is not staying clean & like the rest said, her lies is part of the addiction. do not set any boundry that u r not really to carry out. i know all of this is difficult for you. living with an addict is really hard. be good to yourself , take care of you & keep coming back.prayers for you both.

rahsue

addiction=lying
addiction=stealing
addiction=manipulation
ect. ect. ect.
An addict cannot be trusted with normal emotions or actions, they are not capable of having them. the only emotions you see are the ones they need to get what they want.

sorry if I'm busting a bubble but thats it in a nutshell.

kj21

Hi msguy, I do not think you are overreacting. relapse is serious. you need to decide if you are willing to live with the chance of relapse. Spend some time really thinking about your future, how do you see it? can you have it with her? Life with an addict is very hard on us. But you will learn what you can live with and what you can't. try not to focus on her, but focus on you and what you want out of life.

bookmiser

(((((((Msguy))))))))

I'm Linda and my 26 yo son is the addict in my life.
Sorry for the reason that's brought you here, but glad you could
join us.
I have to agree with Anvilhead. She has a good point.
Regardless of the lies, they come with the addict territory, is
her drug abuse acceptable to you?
Have you tried going to alanon/naranon meetings. Face to face
meetings will really help you.
Keep coming back to sr. We're here with support, care, and feedback.
Remember, nothing changes if nothing changes.
Hugs,
Linda

lightseeker

Life with an active addict is extremely difficult. As the saying goes "how can you tell when an addict if lying?" "Their lips are moving". Truth becomes so distorted that you just can't count on anything.

Good advice before me - keep working your own program. I've set a lot of boundaries but now I'm working on the self-discipline to adhere to them. You are right - this is a life long disease....it's good to know what you are dealing with.

Good luck with everything - keep taking care of yourself.

Donna