I am new here...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 50
I am new here...
Hi. I am new here. I randomly found this website while searching for support for myself. It is hard for me to get out to nar-anon meetings with two small children. I don't want to leave my AH home alone with them anymore. I am so past the hurt and am in more of an angry or "I don't care" phase when it comes to our relationship. It saddens me to think this is how my life turned out. I know it isn't my fault but I wonder how long I can stay in a marriage without trust and respect for me or for himself. I am really hoping that "this time" it will get better and he will continue with getting help. Maybe I am fooling myself. Some days I pretend things are normal again, but I know I am lying to myself. I really have nobody to understand how I feel since it's always about him and his depression and drug use. Everything feels so hopeless right now as I wait for "something" to happen. I feel as if I am always just waiting... I have turned into the best detective and at least that occupies my mind a bit. But is it healthy? Anyway, just thought I would share a bit and hope to make some friends who understand me. Thanks for listening!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome, Chloe, you've come to a good place where we do understand because we've been where you are.
Take a read around and you'll get a feel for how it is living with an addict, from many perspectives, and what we do to help ourselves find balance and good lives, regardless of how they are doing.
And don't worry, most of us have been codie detectives, I know I was, until I realized that it never changed one thing my addict son was doing but it sure kept my adrenaline flowing and was nothing but upsetting to me.
Those of us who have been around for a while, here and through meetings, have found a better way to live and you can too. There IS hope for each one of us and brighter days ahead for those new to all this.
Glad you joined us and am happy to have you walk with us on our journey of recovery. Make yourself comfortable, ask as many questions as you want, and just know that coming here was a big step in your journey of recovery too.
Hugs
Take a read around and you'll get a feel for how it is living with an addict, from many perspectives, and what we do to help ourselves find balance and good lives, regardless of how they are doing.
And don't worry, most of us have been codie detectives, I know I was, until I realized that it never changed one thing my addict son was doing but it sure kept my adrenaline flowing and was nothing but upsetting to me.
Those of us who have been around for a while, here and through meetings, have found a better way to live and you can too. There IS hope for each one of us and brighter days ahead for those new to all this.
Glad you joined us and am happy to have you walk with us on our journey of recovery. Make yourself comfortable, ask as many questions as you want, and just know that coming here was a big step in your journey of recovery too.
Hugs
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Hi Chloe,
Welcome to SR. I'm so glad you found this sight. I know how it feels to feel so alone in this. And boy do I understand the anger thing, too. Just know you're not alone anymore. There are so many good people here who are going through the same thing you are.
I did the detective thing for a while until I realized it is humanly impossible to police someone 24/7. I started attending Al Anon meetings where they taught me I am not my AD's keeper, that she is an adult and it's up to her to decide if she wants recovery. No matter how hard I tried to keep a watch on her, or guilt her, or talk to her, or cry, or beg, she just wasn't going to seek recovery until she was ready.
I also learned the 3 C's:
I didn't CAUSE the addiction
I can't CURE the addiction
I can't CONTROL the addiction
Please stick around. If you can't make face to face meeting, please keep reading on here. This place was a lifesaver for me in my early recovery!
Hugs to you and I hope to see you around some more.
Hangin' In
Welcome to SR. I'm so glad you found this sight. I know how it feels to feel so alone in this. And boy do I understand the anger thing, too. Just know you're not alone anymore. There are so many good people here who are going through the same thing you are.
I did the detective thing for a while until I realized it is humanly impossible to police someone 24/7. I started attending Al Anon meetings where they taught me I am not my AD's keeper, that she is an adult and it's up to her to decide if she wants recovery. No matter how hard I tried to keep a watch on her, or guilt her, or talk to her, or cry, or beg, she just wasn't going to seek recovery until she was ready.
I also learned the 3 C's:
I didn't CAUSE the addiction
I can't CURE the addiction
I can't CONTROL the addiction
Please stick around. If you can't make face to face meeting, please keep reading on here. This place was a lifesaver for me in my early recovery!
Hugs to you and I hope to see you around some more.
Hangin' In
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome, i am sorry for your pain. you are in the right place to learn to take care of yourself. their is nothing you can do to help your a.h. i hope he stays in recovery & works it. it works if you work it.it takes a long time to be able to trust out addict. they have lied to us to many times. stay with us & read around. keep coming back, we r here for you.prayers,
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
Hi cloe and welcome to best place you'll ever be in for support and recovery.
Read all you can here take what you can use and leave the rest.
This website saved my life. I feel strange calling SR a website because its more like a second home to me. There are alot of highly intellegent people in here and you'll learn so much from them,
One thing you probably need to do is stop the detective work, you're going to drive yourself crazy. I used to drive all over the place for hours just looking for my son, and what do I think I was going to do if I found him, stop his drug use, sheez that would never happen. You need to take care of yourself so that you can be there for your children and so that you can stay sane.
good luck
Read all you can here take what you can use and leave the rest.
This website saved my life. I feel strange calling SR a website because its more like a second home to me. There are alot of highly intellegent people in here and you'll learn so much from them,
One thing you probably need to do is stop the detective work, you're going to drive yourself crazy. I used to drive all over the place for hours just looking for my son, and what do I think I was going to do if I found him, stop his drug use, sheez that would never happen. You need to take care of yourself so that you can be there for your children and so that you can stay sane.
good luck
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 35
Chloe
You do not need to know my story. Only that I found my way here. I don't post a lot but I read almost daily. This site is packed full of strength and support. Everyone here will help you. Just open up and let them in. This is where I get the strength every day. I promise you. Stay here. Read the sticky's and the posts. Ask questions. Vent problems. Whatever. Just stay here.
Dustie
I am 103 days - 15 hours - 57 minutes clean from enabling!!!!!
You do not need to know my story. Only that I found my way here. I don't post a lot but I read almost daily. This site is packed full of strength and support. Everyone here will help you. Just open up and let them in. This is where I get the strength every day. I promise you. Stay here. Read the sticky's and the posts. Ask questions. Vent problems. Whatever. Just stay here.
Dustie
I am 103 days - 15 hours - 57 minutes clean from enabling!!!!!
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