cuttlefish

I just needed to post somewhere. I've used this forum before and it helped immensely, so I'm back again.

I'm worried about my brother...he's coming off a meth and crack addiction (but still doing pot/pills/who knows what). He's said he's been clean for around 2 months from meth and crack...yet my mom said he's been coming around and acting funny. I have a younger sister still at home, and she's seen him go through my mom's stuff looking for receipts. He told her he takes these to local stores to get the money back, that he's too poor to get what he needs otherwise. He doesn't have a job, and lives with his girlfriend and her parents. He's not poor, he's too stoned to pass a drug test.

I told my mom to change the locks. I don't want him around my sister, I don't want her to follow the same path...but I live on the opposite side of the country, I don't know how to help. She's a highschooler, at the very same age when my brother started to get into trouble. She recently got arrested for shoplifting.

I'm concerned for my siblings, but I'm starting to hate my brother...I don't want his crap dragging my sister down...I'm so far away I can't help her, and he's supposed to be her big brother, a mentor, and he's not that at all. It's sad when she wants a lock on her door to make sure he won't steal her things (even though he says he's 'sober' now).

How do I deal with this?? This is family, it's so much harder than I ever thought, especially when I'm so far away

Spiritual Seeker

You are powerless over what goes on in that house,
Other than encouraging your mother to have approp. boundaries with your brother

hope213

welcome, you are in the right place. there is nothing you or anyone else can do to keep your brother clean. they are taking the right steps by locking things up. your mom needs to set boundries for your brother & if he steals she needs to have him arrested. your sister has choices in her life. she can say no to drugs or go along with him,or anyone else as far as that goes. she is old enough to make her on choices in her life. no one made her shop lift & no one can make her use a drug. step back & hands off the addict.let him fall & reach his bottom.i know this is hard on you. i am saying a prayer for you & your family.

mooselips

cuttlefish,
There's really nothing you could do if you live 3 miles or 3000 miles away, except give your sister encouragement.
Perhaps you could see if your mother would attend Alanon or Naranon meetings, with your sister? It could help your mother site up boundaries, and be a wonderful support system for both of them.


Hugs, and prayers,

Ann

I agree with Moose, the distance doesn't matter, we are powerless over their addiction (and his actions belie his declaration of sobriety).

I don't know how old your sister is, but I think I'd make sure your mom knew what she had seen and what is happening, please don't "cover" for anyone here, their lives may depend on your honesty.

And encourage them to go to meetings, it isn't going to be an easy road for either of them and setting up support and a good program for themselves now will help them make it through whatever lays ahead.

Hugs

bookmiser

(((((((((Cuttlefish))))))))))

I have to agree with the others.
It wouldn't matter if you lived next door. An addict is going to do
what they have to do until they're completely done with the drugs.
I take it your brother's not in a recovery program? How old is he?
Mom may have to change the locks on the house in order to live in
peace with your sister. They really need a support group in the
area. Have you spoken with your mom on her thoughts about your bro?
Is she an enabler and only wishful believing him when he tells her he's
clean? I feel for them and you. I know it's hard being so far away, but
you have to live your life regardless of what is happening back home.
You've come to a great place to put out your thoughts and feelings.
The feedback here is tremendously helpful. Maybe you could even attend
an alanon/naranon meeting.
I'm sure there are others where you live that have the same or similar issues.
Having your own support system will help so much.
Keep coming back to sr. We're here for ya and hope you continue to take
care of you.
Hugs from a new friend,
Linda

p.s. As far as your sister goes. Has your mother issued consequences
and boundries, should this happen again? I'm sure your mom works to
support the family, so maybe a relative, (aunt, grandma, ect) could
take your sister under her wing and talk with her about certain issues
and the consequences of her actions. Just a thought.
I'm sorry for your pain.

One last thing. My son who was 23 at the time, robbed my home while living
with his gf. I had him arrested and he spent 6 months in the county prison.
He kicked heroin by being in there. He doesn't work recovery and still smokes
pot, but what I did started me on my own path to a better self.
It opened up my own issues of codependency and helped me to learn how
to "let go, let God".
The 3 c's of codependency:
1. I didn't cause it.
2. I can't control it. (this is the hardest for me)
3. I can't cure it.