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Codie slip? Maybe, maybe not...

Old 01-24-2008, 06:43 PM
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Codie slip? Maybe, maybe not...

An ex of mine called tonight. He's the one who was bipolar and chronically depressed... and he's not allowed back in my life.

I answered a call from a pay phone, and it was him. He was just getting out of jail. Apparently he had been arrested for an outstanding traffic warrant-something that I thought was taken care of as I was with him when he took care of it~ He was 375 miles from where they had impounded his car. No money, no coat, it was cold... yada yada yada.

I believe that he was in trouble. I also believe that he has burned all of his bridges and he doesnt have anyone else to call. I wired some money via Western Union, and I gave him an old calling card so he could make phone calls from a pay phone to figure things out. I told him that was all I could do for him, that I couldn't help him anymore.

I am wrestling with my decision. I DON'T want him back in my life. I felt something... compassion maybe? I feel good about sending him a little money. I don't ever expect to get it back... I hope he used it to buy a coat. He's not an addict... he's just a lost soul.

I don't know why I needed to get this out here.... but I feel better for sharing it.

Cats
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Old 01-24-2008, 06:51 PM
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Hi Cats~~It looks like you've been here alot longer than I have been~~~and this codie thing is soooo hard for me right now. I think you did a nice, compassionate dead and shouldn't being worrying about helping a friend. You know your limits and will stick by them. Relax!! If he has no money and no other friends to call on, the mother in us comes out even if it is a friend. Sometimes I wonder where the moms are?? I may just realize that in the montrhs ahead if my son doesn't stay clean.....Life!! It's so confusing at times. Smiles, Bonnie
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Old 01-24-2008, 06:51 PM
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cats, i really do not see where you were enabling him. you helped some one in need. there is a difference. feel good about it. you helped but now u have told him you have done all u can do. hugs,
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Old 01-24-2008, 06:53 PM
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If I called with the same story... would you have thought to do the same?
If someone you don't know at all had called with the same story...would you do the same?

Helping a lost soul once...is a sign of mercy and compassion.
Repeating it...
Well feed a man a fish...
or teach a man to fish...

If every person that calls gets money and a phone card from you...I would worry about you.
For what you posted... I smile about you. I think your heart is in the right place.
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Old 01-24-2008, 06:56 PM
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Cats,
Sounds like a very kind and compassionate thing you did. I certainly wouldn't call it a codie slip...someone who was near and dear to your heart at one time called and asked for help, and nice person that you are, gave him money for a coat and a method to contact someone else who could help him.
I say good for you, cats, good for you. I thank my hp that with all the trouble in the world, there are still people like you that will answer in a time of need. Sounds like your ex didn't have many others to call, and that your gut told you he wasn't lying. Thanks for sharing. (((cats)))
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Old 01-24-2008, 07:03 PM
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I think you have a heart of gold and that was such a nice thing to do.

You did for him what he is incapable of doing right now and that was very kind and made you feel good too.

I wouldn't be surprised if one day when he gets better organized, if he repays you and tells you how much it meant.

Thanks for making my heart smile tonight. I love stories of goodness.

Hugs
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Old 01-24-2008, 08:27 PM
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Cats, You are a beautiful soul...No guilt, no second guessing...you are kind and compassionate and my heart is smiling with you :ghug
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Old 01-24-2008, 08:47 PM
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(((Cats)))

I agree with everyone else...you were just being a big-hearted, compassionate friend.

I'm slowly figuring out that when I feel good about taking an action, expect nothing in result, then it's usually not a codie slip.

I think you did a good thing!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 01-24-2008, 11:17 PM
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((((((((Cat's)))))))))


How thoughtful!

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Old 01-25-2008, 04:33 AM
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Cats,

I agree with all the others. You did not do anything wrong.
You are compassionate and thoughtful and you did what friends do.

Now, if you would have gotten in your car and drove over to where he was..... helped him buy that coat.... this would be a different thread.

Hugs,
Colleen

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Old 01-25-2008, 07:58 AM
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I think sometimes when we are searching for our own recovery we get mixed up, or confused or whatever you want to call it. Are we helping, enabling, being a sucker even, who knows what we are doing sometimes but the important thing to remember is we are doing what we want and not what we feel we have to do.
I have such struggles with the helping or enabling with my son. We have talked about it alittle because he is the one that brought it to my attention that I am his biggest enabler. He of course said it to me in a very loving way by saying it is sometimes unavoidable when you have unconditional love for someone. I sometimes have to say now is this helping or enabling. He'll laugh and say as long as he is in his recovery he won't allow me to enable. I have no idea what he's talking about, lol, but it is his recovery. Anyway my point is as long as we are comfortable in what we do it can't be all that bad. if we find out it was a wrong choice then we will have learned from it so as not to repeat it. my opinion anyway.
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Old 01-25-2008, 08:35 AM
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Cat...that was a nice thing you did.
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Old 01-25-2008, 12:45 PM
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(((Cats)))
I think that's just part of being a good, compassionate person.
A relapse would have seen you getting in your car, going and getting him, buying him dinner, and bringing him home!


You're a good person.

Hugs to you, sweetie,
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