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Some of the ladies from Sober home called

Old 01-22-2008, 10:05 AM
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Some of the ladies from Sober home called

To tell me how sorry they were about Kasey, how much they loved her, and how much I did for them. They said the way I loved Kasey was how they wanted their own mothers to love them one day, that I was a strong person, and had made such an impression.

I was amazed. Why did I make such an impression to them but not my daughter?

One of the older ladies said before Christmas Kasey was doing great, looking good, etc. Then after Christmas she saw her walking around the mall w/ some guy, hair not brushed and she asked her what was going on...."nothing" and she suspected then. She was sad Kasey hadn't even come to say goodbye and she had stayed up all night praying for her.

I can't explain how touched I was by these two ladies--one my age and one is Kasey's age. They cared, they loved her, they are doing well.

Just amazed and humbled,
susan
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Old 01-22-2008, 11:05 AM
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you have a lot of recovery under your belt & doing well at using it. that is what they were refering to i am sure. lots of times we can reach other people before we reach the ones we love & care about so much. hang in there. kasey is going to do what kasey wants to right now. my prayers are still for both of you.hugs,
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Old 01-22-2008, 11:28 AM
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Originally Posted by caileesnana View Post

I was amazed. Why did I make such an impression to them but not my daughter?

You did, that should show/tell you this is about "Her" not you.
It's just that's she's not there yet.
It's nothing that you 'didn't' do.

You couldn't have done anything more or if I wouldn't have just
done or said this then maybe...

nothing more would have worked,
she's just not there yet.

I hope this may have put you a little more at ease.

Love your daughter, hate the disease.

Much love and light to you..:ghug3
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Old 01-22-2008, 11:44 AM
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Your daughter sounds a lot like my step-daughter. She was the darling of her treatment center. Everyone loved her. She was attending two meetings per day and did really well for about 60 days. But then she relapsed. She was still attending the center and her meetings and putting on a show but she was using.

Now, she's back in rehab. She's not using, but has a problem with the rules. She keeps smoking. They actually booted her for two days only to let her reapply and take her back.

Like your daughter, she just seems to have a split personality. She wants to get clean, but the call of drugs is still very strong. She still doesn't get that she pick and choose the rules that she will obey.

Drugs are a slippery slope. I'm sure your daughter doesn't set out to relapse, but she still thinks she can hang out with people that do or just do it once and it won't lead to more. She still doesn't truly understand that she's not like other people.

Your daughter is also 19, isn't she? Part of it comes with the age. If you look at the stats on drug and alcohol use, it drops dramatically around age 22. I hope that you and her can hang on that long.
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Old 01-22-2008, 12:14 PM
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Sober,
Unfortunately my AD is 23, 24 in April! Chronologically that is....the ladies that called were from a sober living home. They had already compelted rehab or prison or both. Maybe when she catches up in age she'll wake up??
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Old 01-22-2008, 12:19 PM
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caileesnana,
You made such a wonderful impression, because you are taking care of you, and working your program!

Kasey does have a few recovery tools in her toolbox, so, when she's ready, she can open it up, and get back to work.


Hugs to you, and prayers for Kasey...
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Old 01-22-2008, 12:54 PM
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caileesnana,

Your recovery is strong because you are taking care of you and it shows.

Your daughter did get some tools of recovery and when the moment comes that she is ready, she will have those tools and a mother who has gotten strong and healthy for herself.

It doesn't mean that it's hopeless just because someone goes through treatment and relapses. I went to treatment in 2007, learned the tools, and I relapsed when I got out. I believe that the time I spent learning the tools shortened my time out there using. I knew there was hope and I knew the door to go through. When I came to the end of my rope, I grabbed the tools of recovery and hung on. I was in treatment last summer.. my sober date is in October. It didn't take too long to realize the pain and become desperate to grab on to those tools. The point of this is to say that there is hope even when it looks hopeless.

It is not hopeless.
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Old 01-22-2008, 01:17 PM
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i'm glad they made that effort - reached out to give you some comfort. yes, there are a lot of wonderful folks to meet on this journey of recovery.

prayers from another mom. grateful, and humble - k
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Old 01-22-2008, 04:22 PM
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(((((susan))))
You did make an impression on your daughter, but on the addict??? That's a whole other matter.
You can love your daughter and hate the addict. A recovering addict hates to see another one fail at recovery. When they finally "get it" they want the people they have been with to "get it" too and feel bad when they relapse. Her time to "get it" hasn't happened yet.
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Old 01-22-2008, 04:35 PM
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Originally Posted by caileesnana View Post

I was amazed. Why did I make such an impression to them but not my daughter?
Just amazed and humbled,
susan
Susan, I am glad you received some much deserved appreciation from these women....you made an impression on them because they are ready and open to what you had to offer and your daughter is not yet. not about you but her..Take some comfort, that when she is ready, you will have good to share...hugs,
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Old 01-22-2008, 04:48 PM
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(((susan)))
I am so glad you got affirmation from these two women. That speaks volumes of how great a mom you are!
Like others have said, Kasey will reach for those tools when she is ready.
Hugs from another mom
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Old 01-22-2008, 04:53 PM
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Originally Posted by mooselips View Post
caileesnana,

Kasey does have a few recovery tools in her toolbox, so, when she's ready, she can open it up, and get back to work.
Agreed. My step-daughter got booted from her first rehab after three weeks for drinking. Despite that, she credits it with giving her tools that helped her later.
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Old 01-22-2008, 05:32 PM
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Cail,

One of the first things I was told when I started my recovery journey was when my AD did hear it, it was not going to be from me.

That has been so true. I truly believe that we parents just can't get through to them. It has to be from someone else working a program or because of some devastating thing that happens to them, something that gets their attention.

I finally realized that I could talk and talk until I was blue in the face, but my daughter just wasn't going to "get it" from me.

So today I know the only thing I can do or be is a good example of what recovery looks like. I attend my Al Anon meetings and try to work my program everyday. I pray both my daughters, one addicted, one not, see something different in me, something they want.

Kasey will hear it when she's ready. (And you'll probably think to yourself, "I told you that 15,256 times. Why didn't you listen to me?" )

Hugs and prayers for both of you,
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Old 01-23-2008, 05:52 AM
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(((Susan)))

I'm really glad those ladies called you. You ARE a good mom and a wonderful person. The Kasey you saw when she was clean is still there. Unfortunately, the Kasey-the-addict is the only one you see right now.

Keep taking care of you, and give Kasey to HP.

Hugs and prayers to you and Kasey!

Amy
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Old 01-23-2008, 09:07 AM
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amazed and humbled as well...

sometimes the simplest things touch us so much...

thanks for sharing...

love,
s
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Old 01-23-2008, 09:07 AM
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She's getting closer to her "bottom". With each step forward she learns more.
And why would you question your ability to impress!!! "for the love of God"!(said with extremity) because you're a great person and a healthy one thats why you impressed them. good job!!
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