I am struggling .. please pray for me.
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
I am struggling .. please pray for me.
I am sharing this because I need prayers for strength
I am going through a very hard time in my marriage and it is a very dark, ugly place that I am in. I try very hard to rise above and stay level headed, but lately the weight has been hard to carry. I am weighed down to my knees in a very painful place.
Day before yesterday I had been cleaning and found a vicodin from when we got into our motorcycle accident ... I looked at it and felt like taking it, but didn't.
I thought about throwing it away, but didn't .. the reason why I didn't throw it away was because of a fleeting thought thought that crossed my mind "what if I need it later"
Now mind you I don't want to use to get high (not at all), but I would take it to kill the pain .. to numb myself.
I don't like the place that I am in ... but I know I am there for a reason .. there is a lesson to be learned, but the fire is hot and it burns .. and I am ready to get out NOW!!!
Please just pray for me .. I am wrestling with the addict inside me .. the one that says take the pill and make everything all go away. I'm afraid that if I flush it and my pain increaces that I will have endure more pain.
Inside me there is a great war going on .. between the recovering addict ... and the old self .. I don't know who is going to overcome. I want this excruciating pain to go away ..
Passion
I am going through a very hard time in my marriage and it is a very dark, ugly place that I am in. I try very hard to rise above and stay level headed, but lately the weight has been hard to carry. I am weighed down to my knees in a very painful place.
Day before yesterday I had been cleaning and found a vicodin from when we got into our motorcycle accident ... I looked at it and felt like taking it, but didn't.
I thought about throwing it away, but didn't .. the reason why I didn't throw it away was because of a fleeting thought thought that crossed my mind "what if I need it later"
Now mind you I don't want to use to get high (not at all), but I would take it to kill the pain .. to numb myself.
I don't like the place that I am in ... but I know I am there for a reason .. there is a lesson to be learned, but the fire is hot and it burns .. and I am ready to get out NOW!!!
Please just pray for me .. I am wrestling with the addict inside me .. the one that says take the pill and make everything all go away. I'm afraid that if I flush it and my pain increaces that I will have endure more pain.
Inside me there is a great war going on .. between the recovering addict ... and the old self .. I don't know who is going to overcome. I want this excruciating pain to go away ..
Passion
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Nyte I can kind of relate, Something yesterday brought up a lot of stuff that I don't want to deal with or feel. But I won't give anyone, not drugs, or other people that kind of power over me. My head is a wreck today, it's spinning, I feel terrible, worse because I didn't get any work done.
But to get past this pain and figure it out, I just have to sit with this, if I take something, anything, it's just going to prolong it and then I will have to deal with that and a whole lot more when I'm coming down, and then I'll want more drugs.....
It's okay to feel, feelings are okay sweetie. When things happen and we feel that's a sign that we must deal and fix the problem. Move forward because once you do then you are Free Again. Your not weak, your not helpless, deal with your marriage problems, take them head on. A Voice, Reason, Sanity will help fix a broken Marriage.
A vicodin will lead you to addiction, death, and divorce, and mad, hurt angry children.
So What's it going to be?
Use your voice or use a vicodin to hell.
But to get past this pain and figure it out, I just have to sit with this, if I take something, anything, it's just going to prolong it and then I will have to deal with that and a whole lot more when I'm coming down, and then I'll want more drugs.....
It's okay to feel, feelings are okay sweetie. When things happen and we feel that's a sign that we must deal and fix the problem. Move forward because once you do then you are Free Again. Your not weak, your not helpless, deal with your marriage problems, take them head on. A Voice, Reason, Sanity will help fix a broken Marriage.
A vicodin will lead you to addiction, death, and divorce, and mad, hurt angry children.
So What's it going to be?
Use your voice or use a vicodin to hell.
StrivingToThrive
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
nyte
:praying:praying
You are a strong and beautifully spirited person. you will work through this.
I know how hard it is to have trouble in a marriage. And it can feel very dark and lonely. in fact I feel some of it now. I love my husband very much but I can't change him or how he thinks and feels so I have to constantly remind myself to let his issues go and work on mine. And i mean constantly!!
The pain can be pretty hard but tonight it is lessoned because I picked up a book and read some of the posts here that I keep by my bedside. ( sort of like a fix when i need it. no pun intended.)some of those posts are from you!
Most recently the "enabling one" from you is currently my read. so I know that strength is in there somewhere.
you are right. the vicodin would take the pain away, and even though I'm not an addict I have done similar things to ease the pain. But it seems to bring me down further when it wears off..
Take a time out from worrying about it. Pray about it. give it to your HP then let it go.
i am praying for you also.\Cathy
:praying:praying
You are a strong and beautifully spirited person. you will work through this.
I know how hard it is to have trouble in a marriage. And it can feel very dark and lonely. in fact I feel some of it now. I love my husband very much but I can't change him or how he thinks and feels so I have to constantly remind myself to let his issues go and work on mine. And i mean constantly!!
The pain can be pretty hard but tonight it is lessoned because I picked up a book and read some of the posts here that I keep by my bedside. ( sort of like a fix when i need it. no pun intended.)some of those posts are from you!
Most recently the "enabling one" from you is currently my read. so I know that strength is in there somewhere.
you are right. the vicodin would take the pain away, and even though I'm not an addict I have done similar things to ease the pain. But it seems to bring me down further when it wears off..
Take a time out from worrying about it. Pray about it. give it to your HP then let it go.
i am praying for you also.\Cathy
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
((((((((((Nyte)))))))))))))))))))
Prayers for you Nyte. I might not understand your struggle, but you HP does.
I will pray you can let go of the stinkin' thinkin' and give it to your HP.
One day a at a time...one hour at a time....whatever it takes, you know what to do. I know. I've watched your do it on this board.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Prayers for you Nyte. I might not understand your struggle, but you HP does.
I will pray you can let go of the stinkin' thinkin' and give it to your HP.
One day a at a time...one hour at a time....whatever it takes, you know what to do. I know. I've watched your do it on this board.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Putting off (and increasing) the pain is not the same as numbing... and that is what taking the pill will do.
Your HP is here, right beside you, right this minute. It is late tonight, but if you can't call a program friend, perhaps a breakfast meeting would be a good way to start tomorrow, and a brownbag meeting during the middle of the day and your regular meeting tomorrow night. Keep hitting those meetings until you HEAR what your HP wants you to hear.
You've been down this road, but there may be potholes and dips you don't know about...reach out and take the hand that is offered from others on the same road.
((((Passion))))) Know you are in my prayers.
Please just pray for me .. I am wrestling with the addict inside me .. the one that says take the pill and make everything all go away. I'm afraid that if I flush it and my pain increaces that I will have endure more pain.
You've been down this road, but there may be potholes and dips you don't know about...reach out and take the hand that is offered from others on the same road.
((((Passion))))) Know you are in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
NYTEPASSION! You have come so far and given so much, please take some strength from us now to help you! I don't know what it's like to fight the addiction, but I know that you are so worth not letting the disease get a hold of you again. Look back at your own posts, your own strengths that you have shared with all of us, you have such wonderful words of encouragement and hope! I, for one, have learned so much from you! I thank you for that. My prayers and hugs are coming to you!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
Holding on to it is a reservation and reservations get us to use again. that one pill will get bigger and more powerful the longer you keep it - it will play with your head again and again. Its just not worth it!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Sending prayers that you find the courage to make it through another day, and that you find the support you need to get stronger.
Bad days don't last forever, you know that yes? Do what you need to do to get your head to a better place. Meditate, don't medicate.
Hugs and Prayers :praying
Bad days don't last forever, you know that yes? Do what you need to do to get your head to a better place. Meditate, don't medicate.
Hugs and Prayers :praying
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
Oh, Nyte, sweetie.
I'm so sorry you are struggling.
Please, for your sake, flush that d*mn thing away.
A prayer for all of us....
My Father, You are my immovable Rock, my fortress, my high tower.
When the enemy comes against me, he has to face the Rock of Ages
who stands with me in battle. You give me strength and skill to battle
my enemies, and You help me to overcome them every time.
Thank You, Lord!
I find this prayer deals with so much that we are all up against.
We're all here for you, sweetie. Be strong. There is so much more
to be revealed. One day at a time.
Love, prayers, and support out to you,
Linda
I'm so sorry you are struggling.
Please, for your sake, flush that d*mn thing away.
A prayer for all of us....
My Father, You are my immovable Rock, my fortress, my high tower.
When the enemy comes against me, he has to face the Rock of Ages
who stands with me in battle. You give me strength and skill to battle
my enemies, and You help me to overcome them every time.
Thank You, Lord!
I find this prayer deals with so much that we are all up against.
We're all here for you, sweetie. Be strong. There is so much more
to be revealed. One day at a time.
Love, prayers, and support out to you,
Linda
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Nyte)))
I'm so sorry you're struggling, but you know the vicodin is only going to prolong the pain.
I DO understand the "not wanting to deal with the feelings" but I'm like Done....I don't want to ever give anyone or a drug so much power over me again.
The fact that you came here and posted says a lot. Those of us, who are RA's, will probably always entertain the thought of "numbing out". We don't have to act on those feelings, though. You've been through a lot, and you've been a tremendous amount of ES&H for me and others here.
Flush the vicodin ('cause you KNOW it won't stop with 1) and lean on us for support, okay?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm so sorry you're struggling, but you know the vicodin is only going to prolong the pain.
I DO understand the "not wanting to deal with the feelings" but I'm like Done....I don't want to ever give anyone or a drug so much power over me again.
The fact that you came here and posted says a lot. Those of us, who are RA's, will probably always entertain the thought of "numbing out". We don't have to act on those feelings, though. You've been through a lot, and you've been a tremendous amount of ES&H for me and others here.
Flush the vicodin ('cause you KNOW it won't stop with 1) and lean on us for support, okay?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
I so understand. The main trigger that I have today is my husband. Actually, the feelings that come up in our relationship. I have to constantly work on my spiritual fitness to deal with it. When I feel like "stashing" that is a real clue for me. NOTHING is more important than my sobriety. You told on yourself and that is huge...when I do that it always me to do the next right thing. You know what that is. Good advice before me. Remember, relationships can be just as addictive as any drug.
Thinking of you and sending you love - Donna
Thinking of you and sending you love - Donna
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 388
Nyte,
I cannot even begin to understand how you feel right now.
Please flush it, and let go, let God....
So many people love and care about you here and in the "outside" world.
You have beautiful children that need and adore you.
You know what to do, just start doing it.
Hugs of love,
Colleen
:ghug
I cannot even begin to understand how you feel right now.
Please flush it, and let go, let God....
So many people love and care about you here and in the "outside" world.
You have beautiful children that need and adore you.
You know what to do, just start doing it.
Hugs of love,
Colleen
:ghug
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
There are two wolves. They are fighting a terrible battle. The battle is to the death. One wolf is addiction and if he wins, then the addiction will win and the pain he tells you he will numb wiill increase tenfold. The other wolf is sobriety. He does not promise an easy life. He does not promise that life will be pain free. He does promise he can give you the tools to face that pain.
The wolf who will win is the wolf you CHOOSE to feed.
I will pray for you in Jesus name, just as I do each and every day for your daughter, Dakota.
The wolf who will win is the wolf you CHOOSE to feed.
I will pray for you in Jesus name, just as I do each and every day for your daughter, Dakota.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: homebased
Posts: 408
(((Prayers for you)))
you need only be strong for a moment...
gather your strength and find the moment and flush the pill....
after that the decision is over and even if a bad day follows you'll ride it out drug free and eventually a better day will dawn
the drug will never make a bad time better, it can only make a bad time worse
you are in my prayers
you need only be strong for a moment...
gather your strength and find the moment and flush the pill....
after that the decision is over and even if a bad day follows you'll ride it out drug free and eventually a better day will dawn
the drug will never make a bad time better, it can only make a bad time worse
you are in my prayers
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