BayAreaPhoenix

I have had a little bit of a rough week, as you know, but looking back, I think I made some progress without realizing it! my AH (soon to be ex- I hope) has been trying to get me to "engage", and I haven't. First was the emails about where I was last weekend - I posted here about that, didn't respond to him and it seems that by majority (unanimous really), that was the right thing to do - although my head was spinning and trying to logic, rationalize, and come up with answers - but I didn't use any of it (thanks tons for helping me keep my mouth shut!). Last night I got a call from AH that he needed to use the expedition tomorrow (that's the car I drive). I said OK, after my meeting (I go to NA on thursday nights) I would empty out all my stuff. He then said he would be back "very late Friday night". Those were his words. I thought what a weird thing to say - not I'll have the car all day so you know, or something sort of normal - just referring to "tomorrow" as "Friday" was weird - you know. I said OK, didn't know what else to say, didn't spend time thinking about it, other than it just came across sounding odd. Then he said I should call him later to make sure, on the house phone. Particular emphasis on "house-phone". (we've both been using our cells mostly with the current situation). So, after the meeting I called THE HOUSE PHONE, and he didn't answer (we have caller ID and I know my cell # shows up - also knew he was home, he NEVER goes anywhere) and what do my wondering ears hear? Hi, this is ______, I'm not home right now, blah blah blah. HE CHANGED THE MESSAGE! To him, in a Happy voice! It made me laugh, after it took a minute to realize what I was hearing. Can you imagine if I had done that? So, I left a message in a normal tone - car was empty, please leave the keys to the other car so I could use that one tomorrow, etc. I made a stop on the way home, left the phone in the car, and when I got back there was a message from him. Strange tone, sort of accusatory I guess, not sure how to describe it - "I don't need it, I've made other arrangements" - that's it. I never called back or anything, no need, didn't occur to me. I got the biggest chuckle though when I put all the pieces together. He was trying to get some sort of reaction and engagement from me, and I didn't do anything - and not even on purpose, it just didn't occur to me! No "where are you going", nothing about the new message, nothing about having a problem switching cars, nothing! This is a good thing - right? I feel like it's a good thing. I just had to tell you - and again - my many many thanks! Today, I think was good!

Question is - do you think the anti-depressants have kicked in or he's back on pain-killer's? Just curiosity. I vote for pain-killers - I took anti-dep. once for a month to get through the holidays, I don't remember wanting to "poke" anyone to get reactions, but maybe I'm wrong - Doesn't matter I know, I almost feel like making "book" on this one, now that I get what he's been doing all week.

Anyhow - Have a good weekend all. Hopefully I will not be writing with a not-so-good day tomorrow or the next, but you know, I know it is what it is -One day at a time!

BigSis

((CW)) You did very well.

I don't know what he is doing - but separation can be a big thing for a person. Perhaps this is his way of working through it. If so, your responses are right on target. If not, well ...your responses are STILL right on target.


Good job!

bluejay6

wow, c-d, i am learning a lot from you. your non-reaction is exactly what the experts say is necessary with an active addict. it sure sounds like he has a ton of secrets. active addicts always do. they are always ten steps ahead of us.

anti-depressants do not create a high and his behavior does not, IMO, reflect that of someone who is taking them. a member of my family suffered a major episode of clinical depression and i learned quite a bit about it, and about all the meds. your description sounds like addict behavior because he is so secretive. someone on anti-depressants may certainly have mood swings and that may cause unpredictable behavior, for the meds take several weeks to take effect and most people do not receive the right med the first time around. but i think we all feel in our gut when an addict is using...sounds like you are feeling that very strongly.

your posts show so much growth day by day. thank you for sharing. i'm always learning....

LiveLife

Please be careful. Like bluejay said it seems they are 10 steps ahead of us. My XABF left a message earlier this week that he wanted the registration information for our van so he could process his registration (it's already past due.) He needs to pay an old ticket ($260) and get auto insurance before he can get his license plates updated. He's currently using drugs so I doubt thats how he would spend his money and I know that if you go to the registration office you can show your drivers license and pay your registration .... no problem, so I didn't call him back.

Later in the week he left a message about needing transportation and could I help him get to rehab. Hmmmmm .... what happened to the van? Why do people see him walking in our old neighborhood? Hmmmmm....... both our names are on the title to the van and I have the title. I guess that didn't matter to whoever has the van now.

Just my experience .... I will never let him have access to my car.

greeteachday

You are doing really well, not reacting and not playing into his manipulation...Kepp taking those little steps forward...they really add up! Hugs