Her hole turning into grand canyon

Old 01-18-2008, 09:44 PM
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Her hole turning into grand canyon

Found out via atty flyer what she did...on January 1, 2008 she received a "citation" for "solicitation of a prohibited substance".

I assume she was either buying or selling drugs, can't find any definations on line. Why was she not arrested? Why was she given a ticket?

Now, add this to all the rest. Maybe explain why she stole the cash from ATM--stupid, doesn't she know I would miss my money? The lawyers panhandle for business? She has 21 days to pay $575 fee, $60 court cost, or ask for trial. My calculations say the 22nd is right around the corner.

Maybe going to jail will sober her up, and hopefully they will put her somewhere for a long, long time.

Now, she won't be able, if she ever becomes human, to go on field trips, work w/ kids etc. She is a piece of work. Hope she is proud of herself!!
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Old 01-18-2008, 10:45 PM
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Old 01-18-2008, 11:59 PM
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Is there a chance you could appear before the judge and ask for her to be sentenced to rehab?
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Old 01-19-2008, 12:20 AM
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get it, give it, grow in it
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I know it is hard not to worry about their future and see all their possibilities fading away. But it doesn't help you to be in that place of worry.
It is really about you and how you learn to cope.
Worrying is stressing you out. Susan try to stay in the now for your own peace.
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Old 01-19-2008, 04:27 AM
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There are ways to have felonies expunged from a record after some period of time. She has not thrown away her entire future... just the immediate one.

I have posted to another mom or two tonight something that is just bashing around in my head... how often I "saved" my kids. And then ended up stealing away the opportunities they had to learn lessons from their experiences - especially the bad ones.

I remember when my Eagle Scout son went to jail... it was heartwrenching to watch him screw up and screw up. But you know what? The night he actually was incarcerated was the weekend that Mr. Big took me on a romantic, one of a kind, trip to Canada.... and I was SO worried about both kids, I was ruining the trip.

Then son called to say he was going to jail and daughter called to say she was back at her recovery house and I realized something.... one in jail, one in rehab - I had nothing to worry about!!!

I think that was the BEST romantic weekend on the face of the earth.

I can't imagine a safer place.

So - it might just be a good thing if she goes through the process of arrest and court... my daughter ended up getting her last rehab through the court system, and she swears that was the rehab that got through to her the most.

We can't know what is "best" for our kids... but Someone does. And He walks with them every step of the way.

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Old 01-19-2008, 06:25 AM
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Sorry! I really thought my life was over, too, when I got my charge. But because I had not had any other charges (other than a DUI 14 years ago), they put me on a "first offender" program. This means that if I complete probation, I will NOT have a felony on my record.

Though this sounds great, it is NOT for someone who doesn't want to do right. If I do screw up, I will not go back to county jail....I will go to prison for the entire term of my probation (5 years) matter how much probation I've completed.

I could have really, really been in trouble the week I relapsed, but for some reason, I was given another chance by HP. The thought of spending time in prison scared me enough to GET clean again, and stay clean long enough to WANT to be clean.

I'm thinking Kasey needs a little jail time, but it's not for me to say. Some of us just need those bars between us and freedom to realize that that's not the life we want.

Sending YOU extra hugs and prayers, because I know this is stressing you out, but also sending Kasey some

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Old 01-19-2008, 06:52 AM
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Going to jail might just save her life, rather than ruin it. God's blessings come strangely wrapped sometimes, but my guess is that this whole experience with her is a blessing in disguise.

I know your worry and I can tell you, when I stopped worrying about my son (it never once changed the outcome) and started taking care of myself by going to meetings and working my own life became worth living again.

Sending lots of hugs and a map to the nearest meeting
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Old 01-19-2008, 08:15 AM
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From my personal history, I stood back, and let the courts resume responsibility for my sons, both of them. Although now, I would be more likely to attend court the FIRST time, and ask for court ordered rehab.

For me, jail does not solve any long term problems, unless they decide to attend meetings while in jail.
And being a recovering codependent, you know darn well, how I love to fix problems..

Hugs to you, try not to worry, she has someone looking after her...
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Old 01-19-2008, 08:26 AM
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It is so difficult while such things are happening to remember that her HP is there and watching over her. From the outside looking at your post, I can see HP in action. He seems to be raising her bottom; making her face the consequences of the life style she has resumed. Her disease is pushing to move her down a dark path and her HP is helping her to see the light.

I've found with both my daughters and really throughout my life, that my higher power rarely acts the way I thought he would. But as I look back on many things I perceived as horrible at the time and I worried them to the point of being physically and spiritually sick, I find that he really was there and that there was a reason.

Hating the disease and loving the person...let go let God...more will be revealed...All these slogans, coming here and going to meetings really helped me through those dark times and to learn that worry and "future tripping" did not change a thing.

I'm glad that you are letting her face her own actions and pray that you can start to let go of the panic as well. Hugs
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Old 01-19-2008, 09:56 AM
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The weird this, she wasn't arrested. she was issued a citation, a ticket. pay it your off the hook!:wtf2

If I know when the court date is I will definately go and ask for the longest rehab, sober living they will give. She was in jail for 9 days before for shoplifting and swore she'd never go back again. We didn't answer the phone, visit, nothing.

I really believe she is mentally ill. My dad says she can't help being slow or having problems w/ addiction, but she can help being stupid! I agree. You get a ticket for whatever it was, you don't steal money 5 times at an ATM machine!!!!!! Maybe this is the way the aliens are going to take over our civilization, through the minds of addicts....just thinking again.

I agree, God has his hand in this. why else would it all happen so close together, and one thing worse than the next. I know there is something bettter for her as she shoudl be dead after all that has happened. but she is still alive and kicking (as far as I know).

Prayers I have strength to make it through..
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Old 01-19-2008, 10:11 AM
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I wish I could explain to you why we A's do what we do, but even I don't understand how I could have done the things I did. I like the way Done said it on another thread...addiction kidnaps your brain.

Still sending you hugs and prayers!

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Old 01-19-2008, 12:18 PM
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I have nothing to add to all of the seasoned wisdom above except to echo it and send you love and prayers and my empathy.......
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Old 01-19-2008, 09:25 PM
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I know your frustration. My oldest son had to learn the hard way and it did indeed sober him up. Jail was actually good for him.
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Old 01-19-2008, 10:57 PM
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You do have the strength to make it through. Your HP will see to that.

I now view bad decisions, stupid actions, just plain not thinking, and other stuff like that by my kids as opportunities to learn what they need to learn in order to get to where their HP wants them to be. It's amazing that once I turned my stinkin' thinkin' around (that would be my negative thinking that the worst is always going to happen) to seeing these setbacks as opportunites for them to learn what they need to learn in order to grow up and be responsible, my life began to get better.

And my kids, well, they are learning, slowly but surely, like their mama.

You hang in the Cail. Your HP hasn't brought you this far only to drop you.

Hangin' In
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Old 01-19-2008, 11:14 PM
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I am will keep her in my thoughts and hope that jail is what she needs, if that is where she should end up.
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Old 01-19-2008, 11:58 PM
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This may not be a felony at all. In newark (my favorite city), NJ - my daughter got only a $35 dollar fine for possession of heroin. It was like a ticket,that's all. Interestingly, in the same arrest she got a $75 fine for "invalidated subway ticket". So according to the city of Newark, an improper subway ticket is more than twice as bad as possession of heroin. Go figure. At any rate, if all your AD got was a fine and ticket, its unlikely to be a felony at all. I was told by a lawyer, that if my AD was caught with heroin in another NJ city, it would have been a felony and jail time. So it all depends on the city your daughter was arrested in, and its laws.
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Old 01-20-2008, 07:31 AM
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i hope she finds herself too. they have to fall so far to ever be able to get themself up. it has never made sense to me. all we moms can do is pick ourself up, wipe ourselves off & keep on getting it. prayers for you & her both.
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Old 01-20-2008, 08:38 AM
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All of our choices in life come with consequences, some good, some bad. Some consequences come immediately, some come later. An addict thinks that by numbing themselves that they are escaping consequences. But we know it does not work like that. Your daughter will be faced with consequences even if she does not end up going to jail. Loss of trust, health issues, loss of productivity. All come with addiction and Kasey will someday have to face what she has done to herself. Susan you have choices too. You can choose to take a huge step away from your daughter, not try to get information about her, let her do what she needs to do to get where she is going. Or you can continue to hold on to her. Either way there are consequences for your choices too. On the one hand is more of the same, on the other is peace and serenity. I still have sadness. That is something that a mother can't escape. But I have accepted it is part of loving my daughter. The rest of the stuff I don't care to get involved in. I give my daughter to God and let Him take care of her stuff. Hugs, Marle
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Old 01-20-2008, 08:54 AM
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take a huge step away from your daughter, not try to get information about her, let her do what she needs to do to get where she is going. Or you can continue to hold on to her.

thanks marle, as always, for the thoughts & words. I KNOW this time made me not only take a huge step away, but run the opposite way! I will always love her, but holding onto her hurts too bad, you are right. I havn't looked for her or tried to get info, the atty notices come here because this is the address on her license. I have wanted to go out pounding the streets again, but I am not going back to that darkest of places. I haven't even gone looking for my car...just waiitng on the police to find it, her get stopped etc. I can't believe I really haven't done anything. What info I have has fallen into my home via puclic info and her one friend calling--the one she said she was w/ all the time.....lies. He was looking for her and she wouldn't answer, then we turned phone off and he got concerned and called us.

I told my mom, sister, and BIL last night. My mom, the "weak" one was the only one that said anything immediately. With tears in her eyes she said "Susan, let her go. Don't let her hurt you anymore." To hear that from MY mother, was sad but I needed that support. I didn't tell them about the ticket.

As we left, my daddy says "give my oldest two grandkids a hug for me" I nodded, and my mom/sister had the saddest face I've seen since looking at me in the mirror. I'm sure mom will tell him, I could only manage to get it out once.

I know God is with her and is only a prayer away.


Last edited by caileesnana; 01-20-2008 at 08:57 AM. Reason: another thought
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Old 01-20-2008, 08:59 AM
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An addict thinks that by numbing themselves that they are escaping consequences.

That makes perfect sence. She thinks because she is ignoring what she's done and can't remember it, it will go away. Numbing themselves.....
thank you~
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