hundow08

just when i threw up my white flag, and surrendered... God came in and took over. At least that is how i feel. B/c when i finally decided okay. i am done with this liar, this deciver, this man who took so many years of my life, letting my self fall apart, this have begun to turn. my ah has actually started to go to meetings, he is seeing a counslor, and trying to stay clean. I am so greatful for all of this but there is this annoying voice in my head.... he'll just relapse. Dont give him this last chance he used up his last chance 10 times ago. I want to believe that he will stay clean but it is so hard. i know i need to take it one day at a time, and i am, but i still am saving money, still planning on what happens when we seperate.... and so i am riddled with guilt. it is so strange right now..... him being clean for the first time in 7 years... me not worrying about where he is, being angry at him for being high...worrying about relapse... i am not sure how to handle this strange voice in my head, all these questions ridding around in my subconcious mind. i guess i need to tell myself to be patient, not to worry about what i cant control and focus soley on my recovery......... it is just so hard to do.

holdingouthope

When my AH had his brief window of sobriety I, too, continued saving and felt guilty for it. I even nicknamed my account the "Safe from the Addict" account at the bank and felt guilty for that. Then I realized I was feeling guilty for saving money for myself and that I should never feel guilty for doing that. Just my experience.

good for you for attempting to focus on yourself! I found it tiring and fruitless to base my happiness on whether or not my husband is in sobriety. Hopefully you are feeling a little less tired and a little more happy.

hello-kitty

If this is his last chance, as you say, that sounds like a boundary. Be sure to stick to your boundaries and you will be fine. It's not about him. It's about you and what you are willing to accept in your life.

I'm glad you are still saving money. He's been clean, what? a week? He's been to how many counseling sessions? Time will tell hundow. Time will tell.

Just enjoy today. Expect the best but prepare for the worst. Disaster preparedness, right?!

Ann

Doing nothing is an action when we choose to wait, choose to stay and see how things play out or wait until the time is right to go. When you're time is right, you'll know, in the meantime you sound like you're doing okay.

Stick with your program and taking good care of yourself. Sometimes life just takes us to where we are supposed to go.

Hugs

LiveLife

Enjoy the sober moments the best you can. I try not to feel bad about planning for the chance of relapse because I've been through it over and over. The past year has been hell for my ABF and I but we were able to experience some amazing sober moments in the midst of the chaos that was our life together. I can still see his face as we enjoyed our good days together. These are moments no one can take from me and special times I will always remember. He used to say that I needed to be more positive on the good days, but then I was hurting, too and we both have healing to do.

He's been gone for two weeks now. I told him to leave because things had become to crazy for us and his drug use was extreme. I do pray that he takes this time to get his life back and maybe this time he can hold onto his sobriety. We have never been separated this long in the 5 years we've been together. This time I am sticking to my boundaries ... hour by hour .... day by day.