LiveLife

It's been two weeks since I told my ABF to never come back. I'm missing the sober man that I fell in love with 5 years ago. I still see him healthy and handsome and passionate for life when I think of him. I started to think about what I would do if I turned around and there he was sober and healthy because I've been told that he'll be back at some point. I know I would want him to to hold me and tell me he's sorry and that everything's going to be all right and I would "forget" the pain of the past year.

So I've decided to write a warning letter to myself. I'm going to remind myself about how unbearably painful and crazy this past year has been for me and my children. Then I'll hide the letter away. If he ever comes back I'm going to take out the letter and read it. Then when I fall stupid, I'll have no excuse. (Sometimes I wish he had shown up with a warning label when I met him, but then who reads those things anyway? lol)

I thought about when I had my first baby. Nearly 40 hours of labor and then C-Section. I thought I was going to die .... but then 3 years later .... the same thing with child number 2. Isn't it amazing how your mind can "forget" the pain and focus on the pleasure.

I also hope this letter will help me heal from this relationship. I need to get the past year out of me so I can seal it up and move on.

Thanks to you all ..... it feels so good to know I'm not alone.

kj21

Great idea. Maybe I'll do the same. You are right though...who reads the warning labels? lol

grateful2b

That's brilliant, Live....

VanessaLee13

I heard one time that no woman would have more than one child if she actually remembered how painful and hard labor was the first time around. I don't have any kids, so I wouldn't know.

I hope you can find some peace. I know for me, writing stuff down and getting it out of my head always helps.
Hugs, Vanessa

raerae6

this is a great idea and it WILL help you a lot! I had a journal and I would refer back to it and see all the crappy feelings and distress i went through with one of my exes... every time I thought i felt better about him...i would go back and read that journal...and rememebr how bad it really was...

lightseeker

I think it will help - I did the same thing but even so, I fell in the same hole over and over again. Even when I had the past "write" in my face. What I wish that I had done as well is to have continued to go to Alanon and work a program. Each time I ended a relationship with an addict I also ended my association with my recovery. Whenever I ended up with the addict snarfing around again (and yes, they do have a way of coming back) I would find some way to tell myself that this time it was different. Things being different weren't really possible because I had not done the work to make me different. I've never been one to take my own advice....I've had to learn the hard way. Oh well. It is what it is....but I have learned that no matter how much clarity I have at times it goes away when my "drug" shows up again packaged like I like him. I'll always find a way to tell myself that now it's different. Alanon has really helped me a lot. Having a sponsor also makes me be more accountable.

I'm thinking about you....the bad is so bad and I know how you are feeling.....wanting him gone but yet still wanting him there.

Be kind to yourself. Lots of love, Donna

greeteachday

So true. Writing it out is a great idea and as Donna (a very wise, insightful and sweet lady) says, keeping up on meetings helps me not to "relapse." When I stop working my program, I start slipping into the old way of thinking. Hugs

CatsPajamas

During one of my more difficult times when my ex was "snarfing around" (love that !) I happened to see a part of the Disney movie The Jungle Book. The part that caught my eye was when the snake Kaa was hypnotizing Mowgli and singing a song "come to me". I realized that was exactly my scenario - I was being hypnotized by my manipulative ex, and I was being drawn back into a toxic situation that was most likely going to end badly (much like what would happen to Mowgli if Kaa got him all wrapped up...)

I wrote "Kaa" on sticky notes and put them on the front door and by the phone. I needed a visual and stark reminder of my reality.

It worked.

Hugs

Cats

Wascally Wabbit

I used to keep a diary. I would explain everything in detail. Then, after that book was full and I needed to buy another, I read through this diary. I was apalled at what I had written. I was disgusted that I had allowed myself to become so low over someone else who was an alcoholic. It was a real eye opener that day.