Please stop the merry-go-round...I'm dizzy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: usa
Posts: 6
Please stop the merry-go-round...I'm dizzy
Hi All,
I am very new to this posting but not to the disease of addiction. My husband of 13 years is the active addict in my life and together we have 2 children. I have lurked here for over a year now and have turned here each time I am experiencing crisis with my addict husband. The experience and strength I have found here have been extremely helpful during the difficult times that I like many others have experienced and am still experiencing....
I am currently living seperate from AH but still remain in constant contact with him for the kids sake.(The chaos of living in the same house with him became so disruptive to the kids and I, I'd had enough....so I thought)
My AH has a HEAVY pill (amphetamines) binge monthly- Just like clockwork. He does the usual disappearing act for @ 5 days and then as he begins to come down, calls me constantly....still in heavy paranoia mode....asking all kinds of crazy fictional questions. It basically turns into an interrogation... an obsession and suspicion of me. It's very scary for me and I guess after 13 years of it, you would think that I'm used to it by now, but I'm just not.
I knew this was coming since last week he claimed that he pulled a muscle in his back and went to the doctor and recieved flexeril for the pain. Of course he showed no physical pain when he would come over for a visit.
I felt uneasy about it and wondered if he was making up a reason to go to the doctor. Well, sure enough, 3 or 4 days after the dr visit, he had planned to bring dinner over to the kids, he called and cancelled claiming he was tired and wanted to go home and crash. That was the last I had heard of him-until this morning. The constant calling is driving me insane. He is currently in the suspicion mode....and as usual the "I'm sorry" stage will follow and then, he will sleep for 24-48 hours+......and everything is back to normal until the next month.
I've moved out of the house over a year ago, thinking this would get some sort of consistency and peace of mind for the kids and I. My relationship with AH is NUMB/NEUTRAL/Cordial.
I was ready to divorce at that point, but gave the change in living situation a chance. He accepted the change and AH is still heavily involved in the kids lives and they love him.....but the monthly chaos his binges cause continues. It's really starting to affect the kids....especially his calls to the house when using. It's so confusing for them.
I feel like it is just impossible for me to provide peace for myself and a crisis-free home to my kids without getting AH totally out of our lives. I am really feeling like it's my fault that I am exposing my kids to this monthly, still. I just don't know any other way except divorcing him. I have avoided this as I am afraid that one day the kids will be in his care and he will decide to use....
Sorry to ramble on....I am just tired, confused, and fed up with this loser. I think it's the great father and husband the AH is in between the montly binge that has kept me on this dumb rollercoaster.
Problem is.....I just don't know how to get off.
Any experiences on this are welcome. thanks
I am very new to this posting but not to the disease of addiction. My husband of 13 years is the active addict in my life and together we have 2 children. I have lurked here for over a year now and have turned here each time I am experiencing crisis with my addict husband. The experience and strength I have found here have been extremely helpful during the difficult times that I like many others have experienced and am still experiencing....
I am currently living seperate from AH but still remain in constant contact with him for the kids sake.(The chaos of living in the same house with him became so disruptive to the kids and I, I'd had enough....so I thought)
My AH has a HEAVY pill (amphetamines) binge monthly- Just like clockwork. He does the usual disappearing act for @ 5 days and then as he begins to come down, calls me constantly....still in heavy paranoia mode....asking all kinds of crazy fictional questions. It basically turns into an interrogation... an obsession and suspicion of me. It's very scary for me and I guess after 13 years of it, you would think that I'm used to it by now, but I'm just not.
I knew this was coming since last week he claimed that he pulled a muscle in his back and went to the doctor and recieved flexeril for the pain. Of course he showed no physical pain when he would come over for a visit.
I felt uneasy about it and wondered if he was making up a reason to go to the doctor. Well, sure enough, 3 or 4 days after the dr visit, he had planned to bring dinner over to the kids, he called and cancelled claiming he was tired and wanted to go home and crash. That was the last I had heard of him-until this morning. The constant calling is driving me insane. He is currently in the suspicion mode....and as usual the "I'm sorry" stage will follow and then, he will sleep for 24-48 hours+......and everything is back to normal until the next month.
I've moved out of the house over a year ago, thinking this would get some sort of consistency and peace of mind for the kids and I. My relationship with AH is NUMB/NEUTRAL/Cordial.
I was ready to divorce at that point, but gave the change in living situation a chance. He accepted the change and AH is still heavily involved in the kids lives and they love him.....but the monthly chaos his binges cause continues. It's really starting to affect the kids....especially his calls to the house when using. It's so confusing for them.
I feel like it is just impossible for me to provide peace for myself and a crisis-free home to my kids without getting AH totally out of our lives. I am really feeling like it's my fault that I am exposing my kids to this monthly, still. I just don't know any other way except divorcing him. I have avoided this as I am afraid that one day the kids will be in his care and he will decide to use....
Sorry to ramble on....I am just tired, confused, and fed up with this loser. I think it's the great father and husband the AH is in between the montly binge that has kept me on this dumb rollercoaster.
Problem is.....I just don't know how to get off.
Any experiences on this are welcome. thanks
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Your situation sounds awful. Know that all of us here are in or have been in similar shoes. I'm glad you found this site. Keep reading and posting. It will help you grow in strength and feel more assured about whatever decisions you make.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 215
Wow...it must be difficult
...to deal with the roller coaster you describe. And my heart goes out to you and your family. I am very new here also but one thing comes to my mind, that I would probably try to do. That is, when husband is not using and doign well then accept him warmly. However, if he goes on a binge and starts up the cycle of calling and badgering simply do not answer the phone, do not listen to his crazy obssessions, and do not attempt to answer his questions. It is your way of protecting yourself and the family. Tell him once that if he calls in this state you will not accept any more of his calls until he is over it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
sr-punched,
it sure sounds like a merry-go-round. i appreciate so much anvil's posts. she cuts right to the heart of things. i agree with her. no more "what it was like, what it might be...."
the reality is that he is an unrecovered addict who is controlling your life.
fate gave your children him for a father. they will each have their own experience of him and it will last their lifetimes. his condition will always impact them. but it does not have to control them, nor you.
i am so glad you separated!
i am hoping you will find your way out of the muck he brings. one thing your post makes clear: he will bring it again, right on schedule.
all the best to you. take good care of your family.
it sure sounds like a merry-go-round. i appreciate so much anvil's posts. she cuts right to the heart of things. i agree with her. no more "what it was like, what it might be...."
the reality is that he is an unrecovered addict who is controlling your life.
fate gave your children him for a father. they will each have their own experience of him and it will last their lifetimes. his condition will always impact them. but it does not have to control them, nor you.
i am so glad you separated!
i am hoping you will find your way out of the muck he brings. one thing your post makes clear: he will bring it again, right on schedule.
all the best to you. take good care of your family.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: usa
Posts: 6
Great Advice, Anvil. Thanks
I guess what I meant was having to see periods of the person they were before the disease took over. It's like getting a taste of a piece of candy and having it yanked away....again and again.
My expectations out of AH are extremely low and have been for a very long time. That's why I described my relationship with him NUMB/NEUTRAL. My biggest struggle is watching the expectations of a child get stomped on again and again and again. If it weren't for the kids we have 2gether, I would have been gone 8 years ago.
I guess what I meant was having to see periods of the person they were before the disease took over. It's like getting a taste of a piece of candy and having it yanked away....again and again.
My expectations out of AH are extremely low and have been for a very long time. That's why I described my relationship with him NUMB/NEUTRAL. My biggest struggle is watching the expectations of a child get stomped on again and again and again. If it weren't for the kids we have 2gether, I would have been gone 8 years ago.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
