Flunked Out of Rehab
 

We had been guardedly optimistic. My step-daughter who is a 19 year old heroin addict had been in a rehab for the past six weeks. In general, she liked it and wanted to stay for several more months, but had trouble obeying the rules, especially smoking. Today, she was caught smoking once too many times in the bathroom and is being discharged.

Her mom is heartbroken. I console myself with the fact that it was not a drug or alcohol relapse. She had gotten the boot from her first rehab for alcohol. This place was much more strict about cigarettes than other places. There was no smoking from 9AM to 3PM.

The plan now is to get her back into day treatment until we can find another rehab, one without so many smoking rules.

Even though this was "only" smoking, I'm still bummed because we've learned over the last few months that she has trouble with rules and for her, breaking small rules often leads to breaking the big ones. Her last relapse began when she decide, "Gee, I can have a drink or two." Within a few weeks that led to full scale heroin use again.

Sending prayers for you and your family. It's tough to have high hopes, then have them destroyed. Don't give up on your daughter. I will never give up on mine. I just have little expectations at this point.
Your daughter sounds as if she wants to stop, but as you know, she wil have to follow rules.
Give mom a hug for me, and I pray step-daughter can find another rehab soon.

Speaking as a recovering addict and a former smoker - Jeesh, I hate these no-smoking rehabs. Some of them are entirely non-smoking which has more to do with insurance on the facility than on any "treatment modality". I know this is something that non-smkers just don't get (If she really wanted recovery she would not smoke, etc).

but the trouble is, she got kicked out and instead of feeling good she is feeling like a failure and a screw-up (which in fact she it, according to their rules which she did in fact break.) I would suggest encouraging her to hook up with NA meetings ASAP - where she will be encouraged and actually applauded for staying clean and nothing more (and smoking is OK for the forseeable future). In my experience, getting involved in meetings and the other recoving addicts there is the key to whether they make it or not on the outside.

Learning how to follow the rules and to stop rebelling at everything is something that takes a while to learn. Encouragement for what we do right is always a motivator, at least for me.

i hope she gets back in rehab real soon. saying prayers for you, your daughter & your family.

Well I don't smoke.. And I think that is a silly rule.... I understand how hard it is for you smokers just from what I see you go through, and when I was in my ED recovery, they let people smoke. They said trying to make a person stop their ED and trying to make them stop smoking was way too much pressure to put on someone. And my ED hosp. was super strict. I agree with what Sleepygoat said 100% with everything else she said also :).... :atv

Thanks to everyone for their kind words.

I just picked her up at the rehab and we had a good conversation on the way back. She feels awful about this. They told her to reapply and it looks like they may take her back in a few days! Except for the smoking, they really liked her there, but they had to do something after she had broken the smoking rules so many times. She was also very depressed because she had lost several day passes due to smoking.

She very much wants to go back to rehab, either this one, or someplace new. I believe it would be a mistake for her to go back to this one because smoking would still be a problem even though it is very good in so many other ways.

That sounds like a really good sign. That sucks about the smoking rules it really does.
Smoking is tough.

Andy,
She sure sounds like she WANTS this.
THAT is an encouraging sign, I think.

Hope they take her back. Is it possible for her to use nicotine patches through the day, until she can smoke in an allowed area?

(Just a thought..not condoning breaking rules, or smoking...but jeez...giving up one addiction at a time is hard enough!)

Hugs,

wow andy, good for her....sounds hopeful. be nice if she could get in somewhere , where she could smoke...

That's great she wants to go back! Hopefully she will find the right place for her and continue towards sobriety!
Hugs,
Vanessa

My AH smoked 2 packs a day before the Dr. at his rehab put him on Chantix, a smoking cessation pill. It has worked for him.

saying prayers for you and your daughter.

I've heard great things about chantix.

Does she want to quit smoking though?
Smoking is a safety thing for some.

This sounds like your daughter really has a desire to get sober and wants to be in recovery. This sounds hopeful. Fantastic

I totally understand how she feels about the smoking. I've got 10 months clean, and am trying to quit the cigarettes....did it for a week, have broken down and smoked about 1/2 a pack over the past 3-4 days, and am quitting again. I really don't think I could have even tried it earlier in my recovery.

I also have heard good things about Chantix. The only reason I haven't tried it is cost and some side effects (arthritis, even in people who have never had a problem before). It may be worth checking into.

I do think she is really trying and agree with done - it takes a while to realize you really do have to follow the rules:) I'm a LOT older than your daughter, but it was an adjustment for me to go from the drug-using, homeless street person who did what I had to to survive, to living with rules and consequences again (and not being able to numb them out).

Hope she can work things out and get back into a rehab.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

My gut tells me let her go back to the same rehab instead of a new one, in spite of their smoking policy. If she liked it there, she has bonded with the people and established relationships of value with the counselors. She needs the continuity and change is disruptive. there is something special about a place where we first get clean and learn about ourselves. I bet you she is better at following the smoking policy when she returns. Just my 2 cents.

Good news. She was accepted back into the same rehab after just two days. I'm concerned that the same smoking problems will come up again, but the alternatives are not good. The insurance will cover only this place or the ohter one that she has already been in. Except for the smoking rule, we like this place better.

She found out that another rehab has opening, but it probably would not be covered by our insurance. That one has another issue. It is co-ed, and she's a boy-crazy 19 year old. It was her ex-boyfriend who she was head over heels in love with that got her started on heroin in the first place. No place is ideal, so this is as good an alternative as any.

There were good things to having her home for two days. We like some of the changes we've seen in her attitude. We like that she desperately wanted to be accepted back.

Much good to be found in your posts...she seems to be accepting what she can, one step at a time.
I'm not sure I agree with the no smoking in that its asking an awful lot from people who would welcome any excuse as to why they can't stay.
Prayers she stays on track
(((Hugs)))