VanessaLee13

I had a great week.

Tuesday: Went to my first Alanon meeting! My ABF's father and his wife (not really my BF's step-mom---they've only been married 3 years) came too. It was a great meeting. A few other first-timers were there as well. It seems like a great group of people and we plan on continuing to go back. Had a little trouble finding exactly what door to go into, and got a little wet in the rain in the process, but it turned out great!!! Both Brian's dad and his dad's wife found their "codie soul mates" there. Haha. At the end of the meeting they each went up to someone who had talked during the meeting who they thought echoed their feelings and behaviors almost exactly. It was a very positive experience for all of us, and I'm looking forward to going back.

Wednesday: Picked up Brian's daughter, L. (15 yrs old), and went to the family meeting at Brian's rehab (Brian's oldest son, T.--18 yrs old, went last week with L. and I, but he didn't want to go this week.). Brian's dad, mom and sister were there as well. It was a huge group of people (well, 20-25 or so, but we filled up the whole room). Another great meeting and great sharing of experiences. We all got to sit and talk with Brian for a little bit after the meeting, which was nice. Gave Brian's mom a couple hugs before she left, and she was crying. I told her it was going to be OK, and she said "it'll take awhile." She and L., and I'm sure Brian's dad will be coming to the meeting again next week.

Worked Thursday 7pm-7:30am, cleaned the house Friday night.

Saturday: Brian got an 8 hour pass to come home. Had some good alone time and talks with just him and I at the beginning and end of his visit (so great to talk to him with a clear head, positive outlook and human emotions undulled by drugs! ). In the middle of the visit, we had his daughter, L. and son Z. (12 yrs old) and went to Brian's mom's for a bit. His son, T., didn't want to come. Had a nice visit at his mom's, then came back home for a bit. And Z. tried calling his mom to see if he could stay longer, which made Brian feel good. So, just dropped Brian off a little bit ago, gonna go to sleep, see him for a bit during visiting hours today (Sunday), then work Sunday and Monday night and do it all again next week!!! Haha.

So two issues:
1. Concerned about Brian's son, T. He is being a normal 18 yr old boy, and not wanting to talk about or be too involved with the situation. Brian does realize that he needs to let T. deal with this on his own time and in his own way, but it is definitely hard for him. Keep T. in your thoughts and prayers, everyone.

2. Trying to figure out what exactly my unhealthy behaviors/reactions/thoughts/etc are in response to Brian's addiction. Meaning: I have never thought I could control his using. Never thought if I acted or did something differently that he would stop. Never thought it was my fault. Never made excuses for him to anyone. My family and friends have known about his addiction almost as long as I have. I’ve never tried to hold back telling him what I was thinking…..BUT…I know that some of the ways I have dealt with his addiction and the problems with our relationship surrounding it are unhealthy. I haven’t quite been able to pinpoint exactly what those issues are yet. So I am listening at meetings, hearing other people’s stories, and going through my head and thoughts. Working on pinpointing those issues so I can begin to work on them.

But things are going great, feeling strong on my own (weird living alone again!), and am looking forward to the future.

Thanks for being here everyone. And again, sorry this post was sooo long! Just wanted to get it all out.
<3, Vanessa

Hangin' In

Now THERE'S a smart woman. Best thing I did was treat myself to meetings and this board. Listening is important. Listen to what people have been through. Find someone at your meeting who has something you want (peace, serenity) and watch what they do. Keep going to those meetings, listening, and reading and posting here. Things will become clearer, I promise.

Now I didn't say it happens overnight.... Recovery is slow but, oh, so worth it.

Hugs to you for taking steps forward,
Hangin' In

VanessaLee13

Thanks

Meetings and SR are so great! Real lifesavers (literally, in many cases, I am sure).

One thing I've always been good at is listening. Not usually a big talker, which sometimes is OK. But I do plan on doing a lot of listening.

Why not overnight??? Haha. I definitely know one of my downfalls is my total and utter lack of patience. Haven't had too much luck in my life working on that one!!! Oh well, maybe someday!

Vanessa

Impurrfect

(((Vanessa)))

Sounds like things are going really well for you. As far as T, that is just something Brian and he are going to have to work out and it will take time. Maybe T just needs to figure out how he feels about the situation and wants to be detached from it right now.

YOU are doing great! As long as you keep taking care of YOU, and let Brian do what he needs to, it will be okay. I'm really glad Brian's dad found a soul-mate in al-anon, because I know he has been taking this hard.

Keep doing what you're doing!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

sleepygoat

What a hopeful story. Thanks for sharing it.

kelsh

It is wonderful that both the families are taking part in Brian's treatment...it will mean a lot to him when he is less toxic and can realize the importance of this in his recovery.

When my Dad went to in-patient treatment, the facility was in the town I lived in so my Mom came along and stayed with us. She and I took part in the family program with my Dad and he was so proud to have us there.

He never drank again and died sober. He got to see me get sober and so did my Mom. My brother did quit for about 14 years and started using again so was still using when Dad died and still is to this day. He is a 66 year old immature adult out in society and is escaping the real world.

My Mom & Dad were very co-dependent with my Brother...bailed him out of jail...paid his fines...paid his bills when he got divorced...so now he feels he has no one to depend on since our parents are gone.

He asked me to bail him out of jail once and I refused to so he hasn't asked again.

God Bless all of you for working together through this most difficult time. :ghug

kelsh