Miss Pink

HT....maybe its times to institute some boundaries?

TMI - Too Much Information

Maybe laying out a self imposed rule of "I dont want to know anything more about it".

Its obviously ripping you up. Let go.....Let god....

ctrom40

Teach,

Wow! It sounds like your plate is overflowing.....

Lot's of good advise has been given, I can offer none...
but, breath in...... breath out...... and take care of yourself first.

As they instruct you on the airplane, make sure that your oxygen mask is firmly in place before you begin to help anyone else.

Prayers and hugs,
Colleen

Impurrfect

(((Teach)))

Sorry I'm late on this, but sending you hugs and prayers. It really does sound like you have enough to deal with, without getting sucked into this situation. I totally agree that you need to tell them and others that you don't want to know all the details. You're not their counselor or their shrink.

I've gotta say, though, you're recovery is sounding much stronger, the longer this thread gets. Take care of you....they're old enough to make a baby, they're old enough to figure out how to take care of themselves and a child.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

greeteachday

(((((Teach))))) lots of good shared expereince here...Just adding hugs and loads of prayers for all of you. I hope your boundaries will keep you out of the day to day drama.

jlw1971

This is just so heartbreaking to read. This baby is being set up to battle the same addictions has his/her parents.

I'm at a loss here, but so concerned and worried about this baby and her other children.

Hang in there.
Jenny

marteen

(((((Teach)))))

Aw, I am so sorry to hear this whole thing! Lord, addicts can certainly make such a mess of things. I worry about you but it does sound like some of your boundaries are strongly in place when it comes to active using.

However, I am worried about when the pieces need to be picked up. YOU can't do it; you didn't cause it. I know when my AD got pregnant, I had to accept the fact that she may decide to have an abortion but I knew, even though this was my grandchild, it was not in my control as to what would happen. I just knew that I couldn't fix it or assure that it could be fixed. I had to just hang on and accept what happened. It sure wasn't easy and I bit off many fingernails but I had no choice.

If she has decided to make a choice to have the baby, then you can be a wonderful source of information and resources. But you cannot pave the rough road ahead of her and make her decisions any easier. She has a lot of demons that she and she alone has to deal with. For the sake of her children and the one on the way, I pray that she take the help she needs.

As for Trevor, I can't imagine how difficult it must be for him to feel good thoughts about her having this baby after all he knows took place. It's got to be very difficult for him to focus on staying clean and still have any excitement over a baby that he worries about. However, that is not YOUR problem to solve. Worry, yes, that would be impossible not to do but you cannot solve this for either of them. If it is solvable, they will find a way; one way or another. If not, then no matter what you do, you can't change that. It's not yours to solve. Offer advice and be there to talk to but you can't live their lives for them.

I know how hard these things can be and we all can only offer prayers and a little advice and words of wisdom. We can't be there when you make those difficult decisions but please know that we are all here for you with prayers and hugs. And you are not alone in being faced with difficult decisions. I just wish we didn't have to deal with such things! Geesh, life is hard enough as it is.

You are a wise woman, with a lot of knowledge, recovery and experience under your belt.

Hugs,
Marteen

rahsue

Here in PA the utility companies cannot turn them off if there are small children (and I would assume a pregnant woman) in the house. Although it may not be just her it may be the whole building since its being auctioned off. Anyway, call the water company for the extension.
I know things are crappy but I must say your son sounds very nervous that something is going to mess up his recovery. It is very hard be selfcentered when it's not what you would normally do but the recovering addict has to be that way sometimes to keep on track. I don't know what I would do in this situation but I have a feeling I would be more concerned with the recovery, (I guess I'm alittle self-centered too). Trevors girlfriend has been in this situation for awhile now, knowing that she is relying on trevor working and bringing in the money. I told my daughter along time ago, "never rely on a man for everything".

<<<<<HUGS and PRAYERS>>>>>>>>>>

CarolD

I just remembered 2 things...

My addicted daughter once told me she was pregnant
when she was not.
Well...Her periods were irregular due to drugs.
But....
I always thought she was wanting money and sympathy.
And she did plenty of both got from my Mom.

A Grandson was all set to marry and support his
x girl friends baby
Whoa! sid his Dad and I.
The DNA test proved it was not his child.

I'm not saying this is necessarily true in this case
but Teach....Whoa! ...

CatsPajamas

OH Teach,

This just stinks. I am so sorry for those involved, but I see a glimmer of hope for Trevor in the midst of this. His recovery is first and foremost in his mind, and there was a time that it didn't seem possible. Perhaps his words were just words - angry and impulsive - and in a few days things will settle down a bit.

I'm not sure that you can do anything else but take care of YOU and let their HPs take care of them.

Much love
Barb

mooselips

Thinking of you Teach....

historyteach

I spoke to the young woman today. The bill is over 1,000.
I can't and won't pay it; it's a stop gap measure anyway, as the building is being auctioned and she has to move.

I gave her the resources you all have given me. I told her to call the children's father too. He is responsible for them too, and he pays no child support. He's going away on vacation, and will be back the day before the water will be shut off!

I spoke to Trevor about adopting the child, or taking the child as a foster child. He isn't thrilled with the idea. He doesn't want to be a "part time dad" seeing his kid on weekends, he said. Seems he "should" have thought about that before he got this girl pregnant! But, I won't say anymore. It's out there.

I've done all I can. Now, it's up to them and their HP.
My thoughts and prayers are with them both...and the children.
If I need to, for safty reasons for the children, I *will* call CPS. That will be a last resort, but, I will, if needed for the children.

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and resourses...It's much appreciated... :ghug

I'm sorry I was gone for so long. Computer problems. I had to go out and buy a new power line for my computer. My former son in law looked it up online; it was $70; when I got there, it was $104! Grrrrr....Credit card is up there again.... We go on...

Shalom!

mooselips

good gravy!
I was thinking maybe a $60 water bill! $1000! Obviously it hasn't been paid for a LOOONG time.


You did your part by giving her the info, the rest is up to them.


Hugs Teach,

historyteach

I'm certain once the owner lost the house, he stopped paying the water bill.
Probably stopped paying it before he lost it, come to think of it. I would pay the mortgage before the water, if push came to shove...
I've never let myself get into that situation, though. I threw out my gambling ex *before* it got to that point! LOL!

Thanks Moose...

Shalom!

bookmiser

-Mooselips



((((((Teach)))))))

One of my sister's sons, (she has 2 sons, both addicts) spent the night at her place about a month ago. (he and gf arguing, apparently she wasn't enabling him enough or somthin') During the night and the next day while she was at work, my sister, that is, cause nobody else does. Work, I mean.
Anyway, he rented porn off her cable. 32 movies in 36 hours. Is that even possible? OMG!
Anyway, she contacted the cable company and at first they wanted her to pay at least $200.00 of it. Next day some big wig at the office called and told her she would have it taken off her bill. Now, that was nice!
I told my sister if she ever has her son over and he even LOOKS at the television, to send him out the door.....flying.
I know this doesn't have anything to do with your situation. Just thought you could use the laugh. Free porn. lol
Naw, really. The bill is really behind. Wow! Maybe she should get on even billing when she moves to her next place. They can arrange for her to pay the same amount every month, all year long. Winter G&E can break a person.
I hope your feeling somewhat better today, Teach. Would hate to see ya sucked in when you have your own stuff goin' on. School and such.
I'm here for ya, praying and sending you lots o' love and support.


P.S. Just ran across this and couldn't resist. Get it? We're talking about G&E. Lights? I still got it. Thought I lost it, but Nooooooooope. Still got it.
Love ya,
Linda

Nikki2003

WOW when I said my In laws helped me I didn't mean they would have paid anything like that. I am glad you didn't either. With me they covered 3 car payments so we didn't lose the car(He had been putting the money I had been giving him for the car payments into the bank so he would get a reciept to show me the payment was made, and then with drawing it agian) so by the time I found out it was 3 days away from being reposesed). Very nice, I thought. They also helped with transport, since I can't drive, to appointments, so we could get on assistance till unemployment kicked in, and also baby sitting for doctors appointments and meetings. They were an unbeleiveable support for me to vent to also. Never once judging me when I was freaking out. I keep them completely updated on the budget so they can see how I am slowly getting us out from under the debt load(since I am now in charge of it all and all the bank stuff and money is now at my parents place, no money here). I have even paid them back a little already of the car payments they had made, though it was a battle to get them to take it. lol, but I wanted them to know that their help was so appreciated and I am not a sponge and was thankful for it.

I guess what I had thought is that you could be a great support system like that. But no way paying a $1000 dollar water bill YIKES. You did the right thing. Hopefully they can do the right thing for themselves and their child/children.
Nikki