Heaven help me! Seeking your wisdom...
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Heaven help me! Seeking your wisdom...
Well, I've got some bad news...
Trevor and his g/f broke up. She's pregnant with his baby. She's @ 4 months along; not exactly sure yet, as she hasn't had her ultrasound yet. A snowstorm and her youngest getting strep throat kept her from both appointments...
Anyway, Trevor came home.
He told her to get an abortion...
When she first got pregnant, he wouldn't "consider" an abortion! Now, he's telling her to get rid of it, like it's an old shoe or something...
He's claiming that he must put his recovery first -- and that his recovery is shakey now while they are together, due to many stresses, (money, her other kids, her not working bringing anything into the household...) -- but the recovery comes even before his child! :wtf2
I do not want any religious arguements here, please. I am pro-choice; so is the young woman. But, she has stated she does not want an abortion at this stage; it means a hospital stay, and she has two other children. I told her if she doesn't want one, not to get one. Period. Pro-choice means just that; CHOICE. It is her body; it is her decision.
Here's the issue...
They have been living in an apartment that is being auctioned off. That means, they have been living rent free. She doesn't work; Trevor worked two part time jobs and went to school. Things were difficult. She finally got some limited assistance for her two children, but, can't get anything for herself, as she has a prior felony. It was years ago; she's been clean for years, but, it is what it is. More great laws in the state of RI! Don't help someone get on their feet after making a mistake...and turning their life around!
She called me last night crying her eyes out. The water company is about to shut off the water. She has nine days. She has no mother or father; she has no one...She doesn't know what she is going to do. Neither do I to be honest! I know next to nothing about this stuff.
But, she is carrying my grandchild!
And none of them can live in a place without water!
I suggested she talk to her son's counselor for starters. At least he might know something....
This is a disaster...and I am horrified at the prospects.
I cannot let them live on the streets.
G*D help me; G*D help them....
I could wring my son's neck right about now. The only saving grace is that he didn't know, when he left, that the water was going to be shut off. And, he went over there last night to talk with her.
Any ideas?
Any prayers to send out?
Could use both if you've got 'em...
Shalom!
Trevor and his g/f broke up. She's pregnant with his baby. She's @ 4 months along; not exactly sure yet, as she hasn't had her ultrasound yet. A snowstorm and her youngest getting strep throat kept her from both appointments...
Anyway, Trevor came home.
He told her to get an abortion...
When she first got pregnant, he wouldn't "consider" an abortion! Now, he's telling her to get rid of it, like it's an old shoe or something...
He's claiming that he must put his recovery first -- and that his recovery is shakey now while they are together, due to many stresses, (money, her other kids, her not working bringing anything into the household...) -- but the recovery comes even before his child! :wtf2
I do not want any religious arguements here, please. I am pro-choice; so is the young woman. But, she has stated she does not want an abortion at this stage; it means a hospital stay, and she has two other children. I told her if she doesn't want one, not to get one. Period. Pro-choice means just that; CHOICE. It is her body; it is her decision.
Here's the issue...
They have been living in an apartment that is being auctioned off. That means, they have been living rent free. She doesn't work; Trevor worked two part time jobs and went to school. Things were difficult. She finally got some limited assistance for her two children, but, can't get anything for herself, as she has a prior felony. It was years ago; she's been clean for years, but, it is what it is. More great laws in the state of RI! Don't help someone get on their feet after making a mistake...and turning their life around!
She called me last night crying her eyes out. The water company is about to shut off the water. She has nine days. She has no mother or father; she has no one...She doesn't know what she is going to do. Neither do I to be honest! I know next to nothing about this stuff.
But, she is carrying my grandchild!
And none of them can live in a place without water!
I suggested she talk to her son's counselor for starters. At least he might know something....
This is a disaster...and I am horrified at the prospects.
I cannot let them live on the streets.
G*D help me; G*D help them....
I could wring my son's neck right about now. The only saving grace is that he didn't know, when he left, that the water was going to be shut off. And, he went over there last night to talk with her.
Any ideas?
Any prayers to send out?
Could use both if you've got 'em...
Shalom!
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Words I wisdom? Wish I had some. Thoughts and prayers those I will glady give. A shoulder to lean on I am here. A difficult dilema. I wish I had some ESH to share. Judith
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Done, that *could* be an idea...
I'll check it out...
She's been involved with them in the past, though, so, I doubt that's something she'd want. Her kids were in foster care for a short while and the oldest, a boy, has PTSD as a result of being abused...
It'll be a hard sell...And I won't do it without her knowledge and consent. She's a good woman, trying very hard right now.
Thanks for the idea, though!
Shalom!
I'll check it out...
She's been involved with them in the past, though, so, I doubt that's something she'd want. Her kids were in foster care for a short while and the oldest, a boy, has PTSD as a result of being abused...
It'll be a hard sell...And I won't do it without her knowledge and consent. She's a good woman, trying very hard right now.
Thanks for the idea, though!
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 177
I have no idea what to say. My AH is the addict in my life and I just found out this past fall litteraly a few weeks after having our third child. He started when I was 7 months pregnant. Spent all the money we had and then some. We almost lost everything. If it was not for his parents helping me and the kids, even during the times he was kicked out, I don't know what I would have done. He is the soul provider for us. They have assured me that no matter what they will stand behind me and the kids. And I am so greatful for that. I have no idea what I would do without their support.
Sorry I can't give any advice here other then what my AH's parents are doing for me. I hope the very best for you and your situation.
Nikki.
Sorry I can't give any advice here other then what my AH's parents are doing for me. I hope the very best for you and your situation.
Nikki.
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Nikki,
That's the first thing that came to my mind! LOL!
But, Trevor is here with me. They just broke up.
And she has two other kids too... OY!
I just don't know....
Thanks for your support...
I wish you the best...
Shalom!
That's the first thing that came to my mind! LOL!
But, Trevor is here with me. They just broke up.
And she has two other kids too... OY!
I just don't know....
Thanks for your support...
I wish you the best...
Shalom!
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Here in RI, 911 is emergency.
411 is directory assistance.
I got them mixed up once, and called emergency when I was looking for a number. I hung up, embarrassed. They called right back, thinking it was an emergency.
Nice to know it works!
Shalom!
411 is directory assistance.
I got them mixed up once, and called emergency when I was looking for a number. I hung up, embarrassed. They called right back, thinking it was an emergency.
Nice to know it works!
Shalom!
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
I'll find out which one it is, my phone is dead.
When I went to that check restitution class that Cece bounced check thread
There was a girl in there who had bounced a check and she knew it would bounce she said she had to feed her kids and did not know what else to do. The lady gave her one of these numbers and said you can get emergency food etc. from them.
I called it one time, and it asks you if you are going to lose your power, if you need food, all sorts of questions..
When I went to that check restitution class that Cece bounced check thread
There was a girl in there who had bounced a check and she knew it would bounce she said she had to feed her kids and did not know what else to do. The lady gave her one of these numbers and said you can get emergency food etc. from them.
I called it one time, and it asks you if you are going to lose your power, if you need food, all sorts of questions..
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Oh baby.... Teach, I am with you heart and soul on this one. Addiction sucks - big time.
You have to know your limits... you can't "fix" this for her, and maybe you don't have to. There is a God, He is in charge and He knows - better than either of us - what resources she has and what she needs in order to get through this.
There are shelters for women and children - and ones that take in pregnant women. Oxford houses have resources for those women, as well.
There are things you CAN do...
You can drive her places. You can offer to look up information. You can help her write letters (like to the water company asking for an extension). You can help her get in touch with places like Community Action Council (the org. that in MY state helps with utilities), and also with a women's shelter - because they ALSO have resources.
Trevor may well change his mind on this one - and no matter what, the baby is still YOUR grandchild, whether he decides to part of the child's life, or not.
Personally, I am glad she is not getting an abortion - it wouldn't relieve much in the long run, and if she had doubts about it and felt "rushed" into doing it - might end up having more trouble long-term.
Your faith is strong, Teach... lean on it. (((BigHugs)))
You have to know your limits... you can't "fix" this for her, and maybe you don't have to. There is a God, He is in charge and He knows - better than either of us - what resources she has and what she needs in order to get through this.
There are shelters for women and children - and ones that take in pregnant women. Oxford houses have resources for those women, as well.
There are things you CAN do...
You can drive her places. You can offer to look up information. You can help her write letters (like to the water company asking for an extension). You can help her get in touch with places like Community Action Council (the org. that in MY state helps with utilities), and also with a women's shelter - because they ALSO have resources.
Trevor may well change his mind on this one - and no matter what, the baby is still YOUR grandchild, whether he decides to part of the child's life, or not.
Personally, I am glad she is not getting an abortion - it wouldn't relieve much in the long run, and if she had doubts about it and felt "rushed" into doing it - might end up having more trouble long-term.
Your faith is strong, Teach... lean on it. (((BigHugs)))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Hi Teach~~I just talked to a woman on the phone the other day that was collecting for "Stop the Violence" here in upstate NY. She gave me atoo free number to hand out to anyone that was in need of assistance. Mind you~~this number is probably for NYer's but if it a try. They may have some state to state help out there. And it doesn't have to pertain to violence only. Just moms in need......Good luck with situation. It sucks and my heart is with you. Smiles, Bonnie
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Maybe his thoughts are reactionary at this point because of the break up.
Right or wrong, I'd be helping out if I could...a bit.
How did she survive before Trevor?
Regardless, she put her faith, trust and the welfare of her kids in a young man that she had to know would struggle along the way.
Makes you want to knock the both of them, huh Teach?
Emergency is one thing, but future support lines should be the immediate next step.
Prayers for you and yours Teach
(((Hugs)))
Right or wrong, I'd be helping out if I could...a bit.
How did she survive before Trevor?
Regardless, she put her faith, trust and the welfare of her kids in a young man that she had to know would struggle along the way.
Makes you want to knock the both of them, huh Teach?
Emergency is one thing, but future support lines should be the immediate next step.
Prayers for you and yours Teach
(((Hugs)))
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