How much money = felony?
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
I finally learned to send my son out into the New England winter.
Yes, it was hard! Yes, I was scared that he would die. DAMN scared! He's my only child. I cried when he called, crying about how cold he was; would I *please* pick him up. He *promised* to be good.
I faltered. I picked him up.
He robbed me again. And left with my computer. He didn't even take the brand new winter coat, hat and gloves I had just bought him. His mind was solely on the next "fix" my computer was going to get him.
The next night, he called crying again. Please, pick him up. I did. I fed him, and told him to take a hot shower. And I called the police.
When I had it to do all over again, and YES, I *did* have it to do all over again when he got out of jail, I never picked him up again. He lived on the streets. He got arrested. Went to jail again. And again. And finally, after his best friend died of an OD, he decided enough was enough.
When will *you* have enough?
The others are right, Barb. Meetings. For YOU.
Learn to live free of the addiction before it kills you...
You deserve it.
And he has his HP to look after him. Don't underestimate G*D.
Shalom....
Yes, it was hard! Yes, I was scared that he would die. DAMN scared! He's my only child. I cried when he called, crying about how cold he was; would I *please* pick him up. He *promised* to be good.
I faltered. I picked him up.
He robbed me again. And left with my computer. He didn't even take the brand new winter coat, hat and gloves I had just bought him. His mind was solely on the next "fix" my computer was going to get him.
The next night, he called crying again. Please, pick him up. I did. I fed him, and told him to take a hot shower. And I called the police.
When I had it to do all over again, and YES, I *did* have it to do all over again when he got out of jail, I never picked him up again. He lived on the streets. He got arrested. Went to jail again. And again. And finally, after his best friend died of an OD, he decided enough was enough.
When will *you* have enough?
The others are right, Barb. Meetings. For YOU.
Learn to live free of the addiction before it kills you...
You deserve it.
And he has his HP to look after him. Don't underestimate G*D.
Shalom....
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Barb...
If you got kicked out - would YOU die? No? I didn't think so...
What I had to learn was to give my kids the respect they DESERVE. He is an adult - like it or not.
Treat him like one.
If you got kicked out - would YOU die? No? I didn't think so...
What I had to learn was to give my kids the respect they DESERVE. He is an adult - like it or not.
Treat him like one.
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
Barbdee,
I think you were here 3 years ago when I had my son arrested.
I was visiting where I live now and he went into the house and took
about $1,200.00 worth of stuff. I came home the next day, called the police, they found him at a supermarket, arrested him, and the phone calls began.
I tried the house arrest bs. He used. I left him in the county prison for six months. He's still struggling. If I could just keep my big nose outta his business, I'd be fine. We need a meeting, gf. Every day ones for a while. lol
I love ya, Barb.
Prayers, Linda
I think you were here 3 years ago when I had my son arrested.
I was visiting where I live now and he went into the house and took
about $1,200.00 worth of stuff. I came home the next day, called the police, they found him at a supermarket, arrested him, and the phone calls began.
I tried the house arrest bs. He used. I left him in the county prison for six months. He's still struggling. If I could just keep my big nose outta his business, I'd be fine. We need a meeting, gf. Every day ones for a while. lol
I love ya, Barb.
Prayers, Linda
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
(((barbdee)))
The only way my son learned his lessons was for me to get out of the way of his consequences. He's doing much better now... and was here for dinner tonight to celebrate his brother's birthday. The boys even laughed about Don't call MOM if you are in Jail - and then they said in unison "She doesnt DO bail!"
These are resourceful kids we have. They figure out a way to get a good meal, a nice bed and a warm place to stay. I learned that if I set a boundary, I needed to mean it and enforce it.
I hope you're able to do that , too.
Hugs
Cats
The only way my son learned his lessons was for me to get out of the way of his consequences. He's doing much better now... and was here for dinner tonight to celebrate his brother's birthday. The boys even laughed about Don't call MOM if you are in Jail - and then they said in unison "She doesnt DO bail!"
These are resourceful kids we have. They figure out a way to get a good meal, a nice bed and a warm place to stay. I learned that if I set a boundary, I needed to mean it and enforce it.
I hope you're able to do that , too.
Hugs
Cats
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 55
Jail is not a good idea at all. You need to find a realistic way of reaching him. Or he needs to find a way to mature on his own.
From my experience.. Jail just makes people worse. It's not a good system. It doesnt help or rehabilitate people. Jail teaches people to hate. I have old friends who can't seem to stay out and it just makes them worse. I have had to cut ties with these people.
From my experience.. Jail just makes people worse. It's not a good system. It doesnt help or rehabilitate people. Jail teaches people to hate. I have old friends who can't seem to stay out and it just makes them worse. I have had to cut ties with these people.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 55
Why is he stealing from you in the first place? He doesn't have money? You're allowing him to stay under your roof without working and contributing? You need to be respected in order to reach him. You cannot gain respect by giving him a free ride.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Sonny,
Welcome to SR. I'm glad you're here and posting.
I agree that jail is not a place for rehabilitation, but it does get the attention of some.
My recovery has taught me lots of things. And one of those things is this. Until we let our loved ones suffer the consequences of their decisions, they have no motivation to change. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Welcome to SR. I'm glad you're here and posting.
I agree that jail is not a place for rehabilitation, but it does get the attention of some.
My recovery has taught me lots of things. And one of those things is this. Until we let our loved ones suffer the consequences of their decisions, they have no motivation to change. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by Sonny McB 
Jail is not a good idea at all. You need to find a realistic way of reaching him. Or he needs to find a way to mature on his own.
From my experience.. Jail just makes people worse. It's not a good system. It doesnt help or rehabilitate people. Jail teaches people to hate. I have old friends who can't seem to stay out and it just makes them worse. I have had to cut ties with these people.
From my experience.. Jail just makes people worse. It's not a good system. It doesnt help or rehabilitate people. Jail teaches people to hate. I have old friends who can't seem to stay out and it just makes them worse. I have had to cut ties with these people.
Welcome to SR Sonny,
One thing you will learn in recovery is taking responsibility for your actions.
You Steal = You go to Jail
Not
You Steal = Mom needs to find a way of reaching her drug addicted son
If it worked that way Sober Recovery would not exist.
Every Mom on here has tried that route before they found SR.
Some jails are bad, yes, some are good, some save lives. That is not for us to us to decide. We make a choice when we steal or break the law that we may end up in jail. If jail was "That Bad" then your friends would probably make the choice to not go back in there again. Usually it's drugs that draw people back in there again. Nevertheless it's not Barbdee's responsibility to make "her son not steal" from her.
She could be saving her son's live in the long run. He continues to steal from someone else the consequences could be deadly.
Why is he stealing from you in the first place?
He doesn't have money? You're allowing him to stay under your roof without working and contributing?
You need to be respected in order to reach him. You cannot gain respect by giving him a free ride.
You need to be respected in order to reach him. You cannot gain respect by giving him a free ride.
This was not about Barbdee needing respect from her son. You are kind of disrespecting her by your assumptions of how she is handling her son and not knowing what she has already been through and is going through with him. If you knew her story She DOES deserve respect from him. Period Amen.
~Peace~
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