I'm getting married...
 

to step 1.

Yep! We spend so much time together, I just thought, "why not?"
I find myself slinking, almost obsessively back there to that step
over and over. Why do I do this? I'm driving myself crazy with worries, fears,
rage, ect. You get the picture.
I just want to shake my son, who's 26, and scream, "do something! Anything to change your situation."
I recently gave them (he and elderly gf (36) $75.00 to "help" with the bills.
I have got to stop this. If they choose to stay in the boonies, without work, then what can I do about it? Stop enabling the behavior by paying the friggin' water bill, that's what!
Neither one is working. Both are on bi-polar meds. He is still smoking pot when it's available to him. He texts me all the time. "I'm bored. If I could get a job out here, don't you think I'd have one?" :chatter
"Can you clean out your fridge, cause we're about starving out here?"
They are getting money for gas, bills, food, ect., from anyone and everyone that they know. Yet, do either of them have any prospective jobs lined up?
Nope! They continue to go to a job placement place and take tests. :wtf2
I have had 3 jobs my whole friggin' life. I never, and I mean never call in sick.
Why can't this man/child learn from my examples?
Hey! I'm not perfect...roflmao
I have done everything in my power...what power? I have no power. :c004:
Please, God. Give me strength once again to just let go. I'm begging for strength.
He said recently that he was going to go back to the hospital (psyche ward)
so that he can apply for what he calls a dummy check. (disability?)
Get your head out of your a$$!
Sorry, folks. I'm just not liking this person much anymore. His good looks, charm, and power of persuasion just makes me want to hurl.
So, I have stopped the contact for now. Told him last night that I am sick and tired of his drama and chaos. Fighting with her, smoking pot while on medication for what?, not working, boredom, ect., ect., ect.
Sorry this is so long. Just felt like getting it out there and venting.
Any feedback, advice, he!!, even empathy... I'll take it.
Cause I know I'm not alone. Far from alone. I have you. My sr family and loved ones.
Thanks for reading.
Criticism and steel-toed bunny slippers, welcome.
Hugs,

P.S. Sorry I've not been very "fun" lately. The humor is getting sucked right outta me, lately. Pray that it returns shortly, as it's all I have to survive the madness. Thanks.

no advice book cause it sure is hard letting go. Just prayers and hugs for you ((((BOOK))) oh and a whole truck load of empathy!

Hi Bookmiser, Congrads on the wedding. I'm so happy your finding some happiness. I'm in the same boat as you but I have put the "STOP" to handing over money anymore. My son is a cocaine addict and I thought we had it licked. He spent 8 weeks in rehab, came out and lived with us for a bit, got his own apartment and I have the feeling he's back on the stuff again. There's absolutely nothing I can do and it drives me batty. But I have to believe in "Let go and let God". The longer this codepent:codiepolice:codieancy goes on the longer he'll be hurting himself. What a mess, huh?? So, good luck with stopping the help!! It's so hard for moms so we have to stick together.. Smiles, Bonnie

i go back to step one alot. in fact i read it everyday. powerless & acceptance. it is hard to let go of our children, it does not matter how old they are. we do not like to see them do without anything they really need but in time maybe they will get tired of it & go get it themselves.i used to pay all my d.i.l.'s bills (when she would get 3 months behind) while my son was away. i felt guilty that he was not there helping her & their daughter. after doing it for 10yrs. i got to the point that i could not afford to do it. she quit calling (she never came often). since her & my son separated she has called one time.today i feel very,very used. since then i also found out she was drinking & using also. she has a good job & i never thought about "where her money went",just that she need my help.how dumb is that? i hope your son gets to the point that he will want to take care of himself.today i know to keep my hands off the addict.i will say a prayer for him & especially for you. do something good for yourself this weekend.hugs,

(((((Linda))))))
It stinks...I think you are doing the right thing and hope that by again establishing that distance you can restore some sanity. It sounds like this is the only way to save yourself. No real words that you don't already know...JUst hugs

Book...I swear our sons are connected in some odd universe.
I've been feeling the same way lately.
I'm not sure he's really doing anything that much different, but with the holidays done and some time to relax, maybe I'm just noticing it more.

I can't for the life of me figure out why others can't simply arrange for the bare minimum to live comfortably. I've had to work my tail off to have what I have (which isn't a ton). It isn't just my kid either, others I've noticed are far too willing to ask from someone else, once they've irresponsibly used their own.
(Sorry, went off on my own tangent there :) )
I was spinning last week wanting to shake the stupid right out of my kid.
This week, a big "crisis" occurred at work and my focus changed. Now I'm worried about me.
This is what it took to start worrying about me...a real threat to MY well being.
It shouldn't be like that.
Taking care of me should come way more naturally.
I'm right here learning with you hon...starting AGAIN at step one :)
(((Hugs)))

Let's ALL do the Al Anon Waltz - (STEPS) one, two, three ... ONE, two, three.... I'm right there with you ladies. and I am almost always at Step one no matter where else I am.

MY SS (sober but not necessarily sober thinking) just moved into an apartment. He has a decent job but no extra $$ to speak of and a 30 yr old car that is held together with duct tape and bailing wire. He needs to borrow CAT litter for his cats (I kid you not.. this stuff is just too good to make up) but yet he just came home all excited because the local GottaHaveItNow Store financed a $2,000 42 inch flat screen HD LCD (and other letters I don't know the meaning of) for ONLY $200 a month for a year! WHAT a deal. I couldn't help myself... I asked but what about getting another more reliable car??? to which he answered it won't be winter much longer mom, and that car is ok in the springtime...

I want to shake him and ask him what he is thinking... but then I remember he's 25 yrs old and living his own life with his own priorities and his own choices/consequences.

and borrowing cat litter.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

I want to shake my AD and scream, too. Just amazing what they are willing to settle for and call it a 'life' - But I keep telling myself, she needs a power a whole lot greater than me to sort out her mess. Kinda lets me off the hook, at least for today.

Hi Cat~~~
 

I would most likely be out of cat liter also if I was you. I'm trying but its so difficult to be hard on these young adults....Did I say adults?? LOL and geez louise~~~I wanna TV like that too. Hugs, Bonnie

Right there with you, girlfriend.
The life they settle for just never ceases to amaze me. I can't believe sometimes that this daughter came out of my body. She is nothing like me AT ALL. I am so responsible about everything. She is responsible about almost nothing.

No drugs, but still addict behavior. She takes her bi polar meds regularly, but I am tired of the promises that she makes to change her life and she doesn't. I know many on here would just be glad to have a sober child, and for that I am thankful......but aside from that life hasn't changed much.

I am really in a funk and am so sick and tired of this life. I feel like I am losing faith that things will change. I just feel like CRAP.

Sorry for the vent, but I can so relate to you Linda.

We never know what the new year will bring, but so far I feel like I am batting a big fat ZERO.

Thanks for sharing your happiness of getting married. I wish you the best.

Hugs..............Lo

Thanks for all the feedback and empathy, folks. Ya'll know where I'm at,
cause some of you are right there too...
with a scooper. lol That cat litter story cracks me up.
I just wanna thank you all for being here with me.
Update...
This was the text that I received today
Him: what time u work 2day
Me:I don't work 2day. I told u last nite 2 leave me alone.
Him: f u i took my medication prescibed 2 me.
Me: Ur also smoking pot and taking valium.
Him: go to hell mind ur business and do call me with no f*ckin attitude.
Me: no reply
Him: u and your f*ckn mood swings.
Me: no reply

He's never spoken to me like this before. Ever.

Him: lisa wouldnt give me her pills i got my own meds.
Later...
Him: Im go n 2 the hospital if u care
Me: Do what you have 2 do. Ur going 2 anyway.
I don't get u Jay.
Him: no reply

Now what? I guess if he goes and is admitted to the psyche ward, elderly gf will contact me. Maybe she won't. I called there last night and asked her if he was taking her valium, (for her nerves) heck I need her valium. lol
She goes, "I don't know."
I say, "you do know that he's an addict, right?"
She says, "yeah".
Well, do you keep the pills on you?
Yes.
Do you count them?
No.
Well, maybe you should. Cause the last 3 nights that I have talked with him, he sounds wasted.
Well, he's tired.
Put him back on the phone.
Your gf is an idiot.
I'm getting off the phone now, Jay. I can't continue my recovery when I'm so wrapped up in yours.
Whatever mom.
Bye.
Click.

I give up. Yet, everytime I think of him hungry, I can't eat.
This sucks!
:puppet
Thanks for reading and feeling my pain.
Love,
Linda

(((( LINDA ))))

Its Friday night. do something extra nice for yourself. Hopefully it will involve a George Clooney movie and cheesecake.

No wait, that's MY perfect evening. I hope yours is something equally delicious.

Linda,

No answers, just lots of empathy ... and hugs, and prayers, and
and .... I'll even lend you some humor if that helps.


Take care of yourself,
Colleen

BTW... I don't even know how to send a text message, but I am thinking that is a good thing.:e088:

((LINDA))"Please, God. Give me strength once again to just let go. I'm begging for strength." Ah yes grasshopper, you pray for the right thing.
The energy here with many of us seems to be synchronized.
With addicts it is the long goodbye, of letting go over + over.
When they get a little wellness we reconnect or perhaps when we have more hope than before we reconnect. Then BAM, here we are having to cut if off again.
Consecutive rounds of letting go don't feel any better than the 1st. The only progress I make is that with ea. decision to Let Go through the years, I need less debate with myself to know it is my only option, I know that I have to do what is best for me and I know that my son doesn't agree with my opinion of what is best for him.
I also know that recovery has never been his choice, so that leaves me with one conclusion: My recovery has to be paramount.
Here's to Letting Go...I am Powerless.
I want my energy back to run my own life and not for worrying about someone else, even if it is my son. Linda I hope you don't mind if I send out the same prayer to my HP
Maybe with two requests today our prayers will be answered.

:lmao

Bookmiser, I was heading this way with my steel toed bunny slippers all ready to "nudge" some sense into you....and then Cats made me laugh so hard I just couldn't do it. Besides, I remember being "you".

Sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do to just have a little peace of mind. Mostly we don't....but sometimes we do.

Just don't lend him cat litter, okay? :rof

Linda, Every time I wish that I had more contact with my daughter, I will read a post that makes me remember why I don't. My daughter was so much like your son in that her misery was something that she felt that she should share with me. Of course, all of my suggestions were never taken by her and it left me feeling somewhat used and abused. It may just be that she is biding her time, but she no longer dumps on me with all of her problems and even if she tried she would not get much reaction from me. Sometimes a real long period of time apart (7 and a half months for me) is what is needed to realize that it is much nicer not to have to hear the BS everyday. If that doesn't work try blocking his number from your text messaging (nothing p*sses me off more than hearing problems through a text message, so impersonal). I know that you will be okay. You are a survivor just like me. Hugs, Marle

Linda,
Oh sweetie, you're going to be okay. You just need some "ME" time, and STOP answering that darn phone.


BIG Hugs....

I know you all are right. I know this in my head.
My heart, on the other hand...
Hubby and I went grocery shopping tonight. I twirled around like
an idiot. He said "focus. focus".
But I couldn't. All I could think about was what not to buy. Cause we really
don't need that. Here my grown son and his elderly gf have nothing and
I'm deciding on Golden Grahams or Lucky Charms.
Hubby made me get both. See? We don't need that sh*t.

((((Colleen))))- thank you. texting sucks, btw. like marle said, too impersonal.

(((((SpiritualSeeker)))))- I could learn so much from you. Back atcha w/prayer

(((((Ann))))))- :a194:

((((((Marle))))))- I don't know what it would be like to go even a few days without hearing from him. I hate surprises. I wanna know what's going on before it's even going on. lol Your right, though. He shares too much, but only what he wants me to know. Arrrgggg!

(((((((((Sweetest Moose)))))))))- 'nuff said. Thanks.

Book,
just sending hugs your way. My son, all of 17 years old, told me now that he has his GED he thinks he will look for a job in management. He's tired of working fast food. Hmmm. I started laughing, which probably wasn't the kindest response, but I could hardly believe what was coming out of his mouth! Where does this sense of entitlement come from? Later he told me he was going to Mexico for spring break. I said, maybe you should get a job before you start planning your vacation? I don't know, call me crazy.
Hang in there, Linda, Your advice and support has helped me so many times. You are a strong woman.
krhea

The day after my kid got his first "real" job, he was online pricing power stroke diesel ford trucks...ext cab of course.