I'm getting married...
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Book,
Sounds like you are struggling with what so many of us (ok, I, I, I) struggle with. I'll admit it. My issues are CONTROL and remembering I AM POWERLESS.
Now my problem gets worse when I stay in close contact with those that I want to control meaning...MY CHILDREN, even my "normal" daughter. So I set my boundaries and take care of myself which, in this case, means very little communication if need be. I don't want it to be that way, but I'm telling you that when I am not all up in their business, I am much more at peace. And the way I stay out of their business is to limit my conversations with them.
Now when I do talk with them, we do what my sponsor calls "stupid talk" cause we're really just talking about nothing. And if the conversation gets into some area where I know I'm going to be weak and get sucked into some of their mess, causing ME to lose MY peace, I say, "Oh my, gotta go. Collette's (the poodle) is whining to go out." Or "Oh gosh, honey, let me run. Have to call meme before it gets too late." Or just something like that.
As much as I want to talk with my girls, I have to protect my peace and serenity, and by limiting contact, I am doing that.
Book, let's just call a spade a spade (cause I love ya
). As long as you keep taking these calls (or making these calls), it sounds as though you are sucked into his stuff. I just know for me I had to realize, BEFORE I picked up the phone to call or answered their calls, that there was a big chance that I was NOT going to hear what I wanted to hear. And then the question to myself was, "Do you really want to set yourself up for this?"
Thank God, if only for today, by working my recovery, I can say, "Nope, not today." And I don't call. And guess what? I've seen the rewards of that (slowly but surely). I had no guarantee, but by me getting out of the way I have at least opened up the path for their HP to get to them and let THEM work it out. As long as I was in there, I was just in the way...keeping them from learning what they needed to learn so they could grow up and be responsible which is exactly what I want.
Hugs to you cause I sure can identify,
Hangin' In
Sounds like you are struggling with what so many of us (ok, I, I, I) struggle with. I'll admit it. My issues are CONTROL and remembering I AM POWERLESS.
Now my problem gets worse when I stay in close contact with those that I want to control meaning...MY CHILDREN, even my "normal" daughter. So I set my boundaries and take care of myself which, in this case, means very little communication if need be. I don't want it to be that way, but I'm telling you that when I am not all up in their business, I am much more at peace. And the way I stay out of their business is to limit my conversations with them.
Now when I do talk with them, we do what my sponsor calls "stupid talk" cause we're really just talking about nothing. And if the conversation gets into some area where I know I'm going to be weak and get sucked into some of their mess, causing ME to lose MY peace, I say, "Oh my, gotta go. Collette's (the poodle) is whining to go out." Or "Oh gosh, honey, let me run. Have to call meme before it gets too late." Or just something like that.
As much as I want to talk with my girls, I have to protect my peace and serenity, and by limiting contact, I am doing that.
Book, let's just call a spade a spade (cause I love ya
). As long as you keep taking these calls (or making these calls), it sounds as though you are sucked into his stuff. I just know for me I had to realize, BEFORE I picked up the phone to call or answered their calls, that there was a big chance that I was NOT going to hear what I wanted to hear. And then the question to myself was, "Do you really want to set yourself up for this?"Thank God, if only for today, by working my recovery, I can say, "Nope, not today." And I don't call. And guess what? I've seen the rewards of that (slowly but surely). I had no guarantee, but by me getting out of the way I have at least opened up the path for their HP to get to them and let THEM work it out. As long as I was in there, I was just in the way...keeping them from learning what they needed to learn so they could grow up and be responsible which is exactly what I want.
Hugs to you cause I sure can identify,
Hangin' In
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
but by me getting out of the way I have at least opened up the path for their HP to get to them and let THEM work it out.
Wow! There's an aha moment for me. More like...ahaaaaaaaa.
I never looked at it like that. I mean, I imagine handing him over to HP,
but then dumba$$ me stands nearby as a backup. lol
When I pray and let go tonight, I'm walking in another direction.
I love ya, Hangin'.
You are my shinin' star tonight. Thanks.
cece- My husband says my sons got lots o' great ideas. It's a shame that's
as far as it's gonna go. He is alot more "understanding" of my codependency now. He's stopped getting angry and says I should just nod, ask politely "what
can I do for you, Jay? What can we do to make your life easier?"
I don't know if he's being sarcastic or not. Doesn't matter. He loves me and it makes me feel better. Jason use to talk about all the things he was gonna get with a paycheck. Now he doesn't mention working at all. Arrrggggg!
Your advice and support has helped me so many times. You are a strong woman.
Thanks, love. Your support means alot.
Recent update...
He took a handful of Seraquil (?) last night and the elderly gf shoved her fingers down his throat and he reluctantly gave them up.
Told me today he was just having a "bad" night. My God!
Said he changed his mind about the hospital. See, he's been seeing a doctor and counselor for the last oh, I guess about 8 weeks, or so.
They've been giving him different meds to see his reaction to them.
First was Seraquil and Zoloft. Now it's Seraquil and Wellbutrin.
I told elderly gf that the Wellbutrin is gonna be his death. Apparently, that's not the "right" medicine.
Every 2 weeks he goes in, tells them how he feels and the meds change.
They're still trying to get to "know" him. Can't say whether he's bi-polar or ADD, or what, yet. He says he's gonna stay on this a few more days until he gets used to it. I told egf that he could be dead before then.
What's this mom to do?
I pray more will be revealed, right quick. My son is mentally ill and his text messages have become pretty irratic. He's never cussed at me before.
He apologized for that today. Egf says he's not taking her Valium or smoking pot. That it is the Wellbutrin. I don't have a clue anymore.
Would you all just please say a prayer for my Jason Anthony tonight?
This mom would be forever grateful.
Love to all,
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
P.S. Sorry I've not been very "fun" lately. The humor is getting sucked right outta me, lately. Pray that it returns shortly, as it's all I have to survive the madness. Thanks.
So I think your humor is firmly in place. And I can't remember the age of his GF, but I love your descriptions! Ederly, indeed!Plus - he won't starve! My kids talked it up good when they were out of sight... but that was always, always, ALWAYS done intentionally to get more of something, even if the 'something' was just my attention.
So. Go fix yourself a nice hot bowl of ice cream with fudge sauce, pour it into a bowl of whipping cream and enjoy the evening! Psssstttt.... and take that danged phone off the hook, and turn off the cell!
(((Big Hugs)))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
((((((BigSis))))))
roflmao. She's almost 37 to his 26. Can you say new mom?
I've already decided on what my mama use to call sponge cake. (angel food)
Cherries on top and lots o' that thar whippin' cream.
Boner petite.
Hugs,
Linda
roflmao. She's almost 37 to his 26. Can you say new mom?
I've already decided on what my mama use to call sponge cake. (angel food)
Cherries on top and lots o' that thar whippin' cream.
Boner petite.
Hugs,
Linda
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