Language of Letting Go - January 11
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - January 11
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Letting Go of Guilt
"There's a good trick that people in dysfunctional relationships use," said one recovering woman. "The other person does something inappropriate or wrong, then stands there until you feel guilty and end up apologizing."
It's imperative that we stop feeling so guilty.
Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates our boundaries. We challenge the behavior, and the person gets angry and defensive. Then we feel guilty.
Guilt can prevent us from setting the boundaries that would be in our best interests, and in other people's best interests. Guilt can stop us from taking healthy care of ourselves.
We don't have to let others count on the fact that we'll always feel guilty. We don't have to allow ourselves to be controlled by guilt - earned or unearned! We can break through the barrier of guilt that holds us back from self care. Push. Push harder. We are not at fault, crazy, or wrong. We have a right to set boundaries and to insist on appropriate treatment. We can separate another's issues from our issues, and let the person experience the consequences of his or her own behavior, including guilt. We can trust ourselves to know when our boundaries are being violated.
Today, I will let go of my big and little guilty feelings. Light and love are on my side.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Letting Go of Guilt
"There's a good trick that people in dysfunctional relationships use," said one recovering woman. "The other person does something inappropriate or wrong, then stands there until you feel guilty and end up apologizing."
It's imperative that we stop feeling so guilty.
Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates our boundaries. We challenge the behavior, and the person gets angry and defensive. Then we feel guilty.
Guilt can prevent us from setting the boundaries that would be in our best interests, and in other people's best interests. Guilt can stop us from taking healthy care of ourselves.
We don't have to let others count on the fact that we'll always feel guilty. We don't have to allow ourselves to be controlled by guilt - earned or unearned! We can break through the barrier of guilt that holds us back from self care. Push. Push harder. We are not at fault, crazy, or wrong. We have a right to set boundaries and to insist on appropriate treatment. We can separate another's issues from our issues, and let the person experience the consequences of his or her own behavior, including guilt. We can trust ourselves to know when our boundaries are being violated.
Today, I will let go of my big and little guilty feelings. Light and love are on my side.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
my a.s. always knew how to push the right buttons to make it all seem like it was my fault & make me feel guilty. he can not do that today & for that i am grateful. i have throwed the 3c's at him many times. i have earned respect from him by not allowing him to disrespect me. it is not my fault ..............
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
"There's a good trick that people in dysfunctional relationships use," said one recovering woman. "The other person does something inappropriate or wrong, then stands there until you feel guilty and end up apologizing."
Today I make better choices. Today I let others own their behaviour and thoughts and recognize that it's not about "me" at all.
When I stopped "reacting" to others, giving them the power to decide how I would be, and when I began pausing and then taking well thought out "actions" I took back my power and my life changed.
Hugs
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates our boundaries. We challenge the behavior, and the person gets angry and defensive. Then we feel guilty.
Recovery has taught me so many things. One of my most important lessons is that each person is entitled to his or her own feelings, and that feelings are just feelings and NOT facts.
Thanks Ann, as always, for giving me something good to think about !
Hugs
Barb
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
