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Old 01-10-2008, 08:02 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: homebased
Posts: 408
Please know that my heart breaks for you tonight....

I know how you feel
I truly understand the desire to isolate...I want to advise you to do differently but it really would be a case of "do what I say not what I do"!

Your daughter is sick and she cannot help her actions (yet)

that doesn't mean you have to accept or get sicker with her but it does help to know that she too is suffering (if possible perhaps even more than you are tonight) and does not want to be on this path

be gentle with yourself.....
you are a loving mom (I remember your post about cooking dinner at the recovery house)....

try to say a prayer tonight and hand your daughter over to her HP

I wish I had the words to heal a broken mother's heart
please know you are not alone and please allow yourself the support, love and friendship that awaits you here at SR
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Old 01-10-2008, 08:57 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I'm so sorry sweetheart...we all have some idea of your pain. Even when we hope for the best but expect the worse, this is such a hard blow. Do not feel stupid or naive for loving and giving her a chance...I do not believe that she was trying to manipulate you...I think she wanted to do what she said, but once again could not avoid the call of the disease. Sometimes I think that the relapses when our kids have been trying the hardest seem the most intense. I picture it like a monster trying to gain control again and seeming bigger and stronger.
Prayers that you will find strength and comfort and Kasey will remember what recovery was like and want it again real soon. Hugs
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Old 01-10-2008, 09:14 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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oh cal, I feel for you. You have so much to deal with. I am really concerned when you say you have lost all hope. Remember that when we are at that very point that HP does His best work. We are weak, he is strong. Lean on his strength.
Borrow some of mine because I am doing pretty good this week with the exception of brats at work. But, really, get to a counselor. A psychologist. See your regular doc too, if you feel depression coming on. Get all the help you can. You deserve it.

The best place for my addict son was behind bars. I knew he was safe, and wasn't drugging. He dried out and is doing pretty good now. There really is hope. Sometimes the worse place we think they should be winds up being the place they need to be in.
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Old 01-10-2008, 09:28 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I have been thinking about you all day. I'm worried about you. I want you to have peace. I just wish I knew what to do for you. You know I was thinking and Kasey knows what it is like to have recovery and she liked living like that. She will get recovery again. I know it is so hard to be on this roller coaster but one of these times she is going to get it and it is going to last. Please remember hope and faith cushion our fall. Don't lose that, Susan.

I was telling Jen about Kasey and she said that the drugs are stealing her mind. She said that after each relapse she will get better and better. Jen said she has been offered drugs since she has been in recovery and she siad she just turned it down because she didn't want it. She also said that she is thankful for that but she said she could also relapse at anytime. She said you just never know. She is going through some things right now that are affecting her life and she said that doesn't mean she wants to use drugs. She also said she could be at a happy place in her life and that could be the time she could relapse. She said you just never know. It's one day at a time. Just don't turn your back on her......she said she isn't trying to hurt you. She said that she is also hurting and if you can believe this she said she is hurting worse than you. Those are words of a recovering addict and I thought it might help for me to get her input on this. She says she will be back and it might be sooner than you think.

We all care, Susan
Love from me and Jen
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Old 01-10-2008, 11:12 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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i just wanted to add my thoughts and prayers are with you. please take care of you!!
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Old 01-11-2008, 12:32 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I won't even attempt advice as I have never walked a mile in your shoes. Just know that you have an amazing support system here. I will keep you and your family in my prayers!
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Old 01-11-2008, 01:21 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Hugs and prayers for you. I have shared so much through the years of my AH doing the exact same and the same patterns. SO many stories youve told of your AD remind me of him and I empathize as a wife and for what my MIL must feel.

My Ah has gone through amny binge and non binge spurts through the years but reading this thread today and other posts I thought of something Id share.

See AH would binge days, lose weight ect, always pick himself up and appear in good shape, yet me and his mom always could tell. Even when clean and in ajil hed start to gain weight. AH always weighed around 185 on a good time and could lose to 170, even 165 after bad binges. In jail clean several months hed get up to 190. While Ah hasnt been pefect over the last few months, and theres no way to know if hes used or just drank over the past 4 months. I noticed something yesterday. He has not used for sure in over a month, although he has drank on a few occassions, but I wanted to share yesterday at the scale he was 200 pounds. (Perfect for his height and body frame) Ive noticed his eyes are clearer than the 5 years Ive known him and his skin clearer too.

My point is, there is hope and better times come.

In addition, last July my BIL who was regularly finding himself binging and no where left to turn as well, put himself into rehab and then a halfway house. He's still there, and happier than even when he was a child, most people wouldnt know him.

Theres hope, even from the people we all believe wont change. MIL saw my AH this morning first time since October. He wouldnt hug her, but I know she could see the physical and other differences in him
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Old 01-11-2008, 01:38 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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I agree with the others please don't lose hope and faith. :ghug2
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Old 01-11-2008, 02:35 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Join Date: Nov 2007
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Posts: 287
Those of us who have addicgts in out family, like my AS, feel your heart-rendering pain. The dark hole is to easy to crawl into. You are a worthy person as is your daughter, it's the addict who is worthless.

Do something for yourself - go to a Naranon meeting. I started going about two months ago and its helping me.

I hope the HP takes care of your and your daughter.
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Old 01-11-2008, 04:07 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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I can't imagine how you feel but I can tell you that I care.


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Old 01-12-2008, 06:42 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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please, please, don't give up. you are not the author of this story, God is. you are so brave and so honest and i am very very grateful for your post. don't forget: life teaches us that breakdown leads to breakthrough again and again. do not give up on you or on her! cry your eyes out tonight and tomorrow start again, living and trusting God to be in charge of this story.

much love to you.
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Old 01-12-2008, 09:03 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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I'm sorry I'm coming to this post a little late, but my heart is there with you.
I understand darkness but please know that you will come out of it. You just have to keep walking through the pain to the peace, even if you can only take baby steps. And baby steps might be just coming here to read and hear the support offered you.

And Susan right now you might have lost all hope and faith. So I'm going to have enough faith for you right now. And I'll be praying very specifically for your daughter and you. I'm not counting your daughter out, Susan. And certainly not counting you out, either. Your HP is there for both of you even if you can't see or feel it. Just hold on.

Big hugs and prayers,

Hangin' In
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