Another update!!

Old 01-08-2008, 08:55 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: In the Heart of Dixie
Posts: 128
Question Another update!!

Well, it was 2 weeks yesterday since my almost 19 year old AD came home and to be completely has been hell at times!! When I left for work on Thursday, she was in a rage, she was leaving and I never shed a tear, I told her if she was going to go to be adult enough to tell me!! So when I got off work Thursday night, I could not come home, I just could not do it so I went to a friends house and stayed then Came by Friday to get some clothes and did not come home until Sunday afternoon, I kinda ran away!! I just could not deal with ANYBODY!!! Lauren went to my mothers and stayed and Friday informed me she was moving in with Nana...I thought they are going to put up with her laying in bed all day, not working and going and coming as she pleases!!! I am very limited here being at my 85 year old grandmothers with alot of what I say because of the whole family, they don't want my grandmother upset!! I am like what about me??? And with my family they think because she is home that everything is fine but they don't have a clue!! I told my mother last nite that I wish she would leave in a way and her response was and you know where she will go if she leaves there so I don't know anymore!!!
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Old 01-08-2008, 09:07 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
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Back before MY two kids developed addiction, their first cousin, Josh, became a meth addict. I had no idea what his parents were going through... and I remember that for a short time, he lived with the grandma. It seemed to calm things down for a while - but he soon began the same behavior at grandma's that he did at home - and grandma also had to have him leave.

What that did was sort of give some vindication to the mom and dad. They really HAD done their best... and if anyone else wanted to give it a shot - they were free to try.

Watching from the sidelines, I was so SURE I knew the right answers. Of course, Josh' parents had been too protective - they had home-schooled the kid, so he wasn't properly socialized... he needed long-term treatment - why didn't they get him into a residential program? Why did they only look at faith-based solutions?!

Oh yeah, I knew the answers alright.

Until my own sweet, innocent, naive daughter also developed addiction and I found out she was a meth addict. What a shock.

So I put my "Josh Plan" into action. I got her IMMEDIATELY into a program at a residential facility - it took lying and manipulating to get her to go with me in a blizzard on (what turned out to be) an 11-hour drive through the mountains, but by-damn, I did IT!!

She completed the two-day assessment.... and they sent her home.


They said she wasn't compliant. They said she was going to run away. They said they couldn't keep her at the facility. But they ALSO said to HER that she was going to be released home "on condition" - she was ready to sell her first born child to get out of that place, so she agreed to the "condition". The condition was clean Urine Analysis... any time, any place, I could ask for one. The first dirty UA, and she would be back for a 30-day stay.

She did get a dirty UA. She did return for a 30 day stay. Then she relapsed. Then she came back for another 30 days. Then she went on to a 90 day recovery house. Then she relapsed. Then she went to a faith based rehab. Then she relapsed. Then the courts got involved and sent her to another 30 day rehab.... and she relapsed.

But she did figure out, eventually, how to get clean. She has stayed off meth for over 2 years. There was a time, I would have given my right arm for that - so I am happy, even if the rest of her life is still a bit in chaos.

And Josh? He got clean for over four years. He got married. He had a baby....then he relapsed again. Then he got clean. And he has stayed clean from meth - but his marriage is in ruins, and he decided to get a girlfriend nearly 10 years his junior - who adores him and feeds his ego.

I tell you all this because each of us had something to learn in all this. Josh's parents have learned they love their child despite his struggles. I have learned that my "answers" were not so easy and straightforward. We have ALL learned that addiction is a cunning and baffling condition - with no easy answers and no guarantees.

But there is always hope. Always.

I wish you the best. ((hugs))
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Old 01-08-2008, 10:45 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
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Prayers and understanding. It is hell for all involved!
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Old 01-08-2008, 11:19 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
she will go get her drugs where ever she is. do not let anyone make u feel guilty. you have a right to make your self happy & to look after just you. it is others choice what they choose to do. they do not understand they are not helping her. prayers,
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