rub

Just got off the phone with my parents. My brother has officailly decided not to go to treatment. He was supposed to leave on the bus this evening.

I am very proud of my parents for staying strong. He is now out of the house, they took away the truck they were leasing him, and gave him no money. My brother said he is determined to straighten his life out, but he wants to do it on his own. My parents made sure to let him know that if he needs help to go to a treatment facility, they will be there to help him.

My parents are devistated that he is not going. They are still going to go on vacation, although I am not sure how much they will enjoy it. I plan on giving them some books, so they can read them before they go, and hopefully they can have some comfort knowing they made a healthy choice for them, and for my brother.

I think that for the first time, possibly ever, my brother is the one controlling his life. The choices he makes are 100% his. I hope that he hits his rock bottom, and is able to get back up and live his life again. My biggest fear is that he dies on the streets, either at the hands of a dealer, or of his own abuse or suicide. I would not only lose my brother, but my parents as well.

Thank you everyone for the strength you have given me.

hope213

sounds as if your parents are "getting it". they have done the right thing. it just was not your brothers time. i am sorry he did not go.i will say a prayer for him & you & your parents.

Miss Pink

addicts seem to always have 9 lives...let go, let god....for if his bottom is to be found, its to be found thru great pain.

pain is THE catalyst to change. Hooray for your parents!

emmers07

Your situation sounds so similar to mine! Im a big sister of an addict, who made the choice to go to treatment. I read your previous post and agree with all of those that said he needs to go when he is ready. My brother swore up and down that he wouldnt go, but when he came to the realization that he was about to lose his girlfriend, family and financial support, he figured he would have nothing left. He entered treatment on NYE, and is doing well (knock on wood!). Im hoping that there is a time and place for your brother too. I also understand how much it hurts to watch your parents go through this situation...to be honest, I can't believe that my parents havent had more health problems due to the stress of my brother's addiction. Im glad your parents are still going on their vacation, Im sure they need it!

Take care,
Emmers

mooselips

For some of us parents, it takes a long time to realize that "It's not our fault"

Once upon a time, I took on loads of guilt, thinking it was all MY fault for my sons being addicts. Well, after you're here a while, and attend Alanon, you realize it has NOTHING to do with you.

Didn't cause it,
can't control it
can't cure it.


Anyway, I am glad that he seems to be assuming responsibilty for himself.
It's a wonderful start, and without your parents being his soft place to land, who knows? He may just decide rehab is for him!

Hugs,

caileesnana

I applaud your parents, they did the most loving thing they could--they let got so you AB can find his own way. Ya'll are in my prayers, especially your parents.
susan

rub

Thanks everyone.

I have once again printed off your word to show to my parents. They really need some reassurance right now.

CarolD

A little caution from me...
As your parents are going away
and your brother is still active

Please make sure the house and
valuables are locked away safely.

My son stole so much ..including
paintings from the walls.

greeteachday

I'm glad that your parents were able to establish a boundary and stick with it. You're right...your brother now is fully in control of his choices. That may empower him to find his own way in his own way.

I do understand your fear. Unfortunately all those things can happen as easily in the warmth and comfort of a home as on the streets. "Awfulizing" or projecting can't change things and most times I have found that the worst things I project never occur. Providing the soft landing just prolongs the point of reaching the bottom and wanting change. I remember hearing early on in working on my own recovery, that we can not control when our addicts hit their bottoms, but we can, by not enabling and by establishing boundaries that we can live with, raise their bottoms. I think your parents have made a loving decision that will help the whole family. Hugs