Custody of Grandchildren

Old 01-06-2008, 04:12 AM
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Custody of Grandchildren

When it rains it pours.

Not only has my son been missing but his gf who is also an addict with no recovery under her belt because her and her family have never admitted that she has a problem.

Even on xmas eve when I picked her and my grandchildren up she was high.

To make matters even worse she has her sister and her sister's boyfriend living in her apt now. They are both addicts. The apartment is a one bedroom and her sister also has a one year old baby.

Yesterday when I went to drop off my two grandchildren who are 8 months and 2 years old. Her sister's boyfriend came out of the back bedroom with his hair spiked out and what looked to be black eyeliner on his face wearing spiderman underwear. He looked to be high and wanting to start something with me because he don't like my son.

I am just scared for my grandchildren living in this environment. I would at least like to see her get her act together but I don't know if that would happen. She is also bipolar and when she talks to me she just don't make sense.

She doesn't even care that my son has been missing for a month. It is just a really crazy situation.

I do think that I am going to report her just for the sake of the grandchildren. At least maybe if she thinks that she is being investigated maybe she will get her act together which would benefit the children.
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Old 01-06-2008, 04:28 AM
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I don't have grandchildren, so I have no hands on experience.
If it were me, I'd be calling, reporting these conditions to the Dept of Family and Children Services. But like I said, I haven't been there so I don't know what it takes to get them involved.

I do know I can pray for you, your son and these precious grandchildren. There is power in prayer and I'm adding this to my prayer list.

Hugs,
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Old 01-06-2008, 04:41 AM
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My thoughts and prayers are with you and your grandchildren too...
Yes, with these conditions, I would call too.
But, beware. It *could* backfire. And you might not see your grandchildren again *if* the mother finds out you were the one who called....

On the other hand, the state would be aware that there are multiple problems in the home; with drugs; unsafe living conditions; and mental illness.

You have a very difficult decision to make. I'm so sorry...
Please know that you can call without leaving your name. Just describe the situation in detail. In my state, if they get two calls, they *must* investigate. With one call, they will if there is "reasonable cause" to suspect a problem. The more detail you can give, the more likely you will get an investigation.

Shalom!

Shalom!
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Old 01-06-2008, 05:00 AM
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I think it can be done anonymously. I know someone who was a child advocate. She may be able to direct me the right way.

The fear of not seeing my grandchildren again is what is stopping me but on the other hand I couldn't handle it if something were to happen to them.
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Old 01-06-2008, 05:13 AM
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My daughter's abf has 3 young daughters. Two winters ago they were living with him and my daughter in a two bedroom apartment. Their mother had left them with him because she wanted to go galavanting around the country with her new boyfriend. She knew that their dad smoked crack and that my daughter was also an addict. I went to the apartment one night to take my daughter out to eat and she showed me the apartment. It was filthy, no food, etc. She told me about the abf's crack habit. The next day I called CPS. Instead of interviewing the abf and my daughter, they interviewed the girls at school. The girls denied there was a problem (most likely out of fear of getting their mom in trouble). As soon as the oldest girl could she used her cell and called her mom who then went to the apartment (my daughter and the abf were out of town) and cleaned it from top to bottom, bought food and the next day when CPS came she denied that the girls were living there. Told CPS that the girls just visited once in a while. I got the letter saying it is against the law to file false CPS claims and the girls stayed there with their dad for another 8 months. So I guess what I would say is get as much evidence as you can. If you can take someone with you to the apartment so that they can also see the conditions you will have someone who can back you up. I know that if CPS had dug further in my case they would have seen that the abf was not paying child support or taxes and was getting evicted. This from a man who made over $100,000 the year before. From that experience I don't have a lot of faith in CPS. I hope you have better luck. Hugs, Marle
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Old 01-06-2008, 05:17 AM
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I had to do this for my granddaughter and although it wasn't easy, someone had to be the voice of the helpless child.

Regardless of the consequences to us, I think we really need to see that the children are safe.

My prayers go out for you and these precious babies. God bless the child.

Hugs
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Old 01-06-2008, 05:29 AM
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it is a big decision. their well being is the most important thing. are you prepared to take them if they are removed from the home? if not where will they go then? the kids suffer the most living with the addict. my prayers are for you, your grandkids & the addicts. more prayers for your son.
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Old 01-06-2008, 09:59 AM
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(((stephensmom)))
No grandkids here.
It sure sounds like a tough decision, but we all know you'll place the childrens welfare first.

Whatever you decide, I'm sure will be the right answer.

You're a good grandmum for caring.
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Old 01-06-2008, 10:12 AM
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My thoughts and prayers are with you and your grandchildren. I pray for your son as well and hope he turns up soon.
If this were me I would do what ever it took to get those kids out of that environment as soon as possible.
Do you know where her parents stand in all of this? Are they involved with the grand kids? If they don't see a problem with their daughter and her life style and tend to put blame on your son they may not be a good choice for the kids if they are removed from the mothers custody.
I will keep all of you in my prayers.
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Old 01-06-2008, 11:42 AM
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Sending you hugs and prayers. This is not an easy spot to be in. Talk to your friend and find out what you can do and how. Ask your HP for help and you will get it.
Wish I could do more for you,
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Old 01-06-2008, 02:13 PM
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Hi,

I hope that you don't mind me popping in to comment. I have a dear friend who's parents are in the same situation. Child services was called into their son's home (both son and wife are addicts), the grandparents were very involved and given temp custody.

They are currently in a lengthy legal battle trying to get permanent custody of the grandkids. This includes going to court, drug testing of the parents etc etc. It has been very very difficult on them, but they want to raise those kids in a safe environment.

All I can say to you is go with your heart. Pray on it. It will be difficult. Sounds like it's not a good place for those kids..

Karen
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Old 01-06-2008, 03:43 PM
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Hello stephensmom

I have been up, down, in, out, backwards, forwards, underwater, up in the air, you name it with my granddaughter.

My daughter lost custody of her almost 5 years ago this month. She also lost an unborn baby in a car crash while under the influence of xanax.

We had custody for quite some time, and it seemed our daughter was getting her act together. She jumped through all the hoops that the department of children and families had her go through and was deemed fit and our granddaughter was returned to her.

Just this past summer she had a relapse, her DOC is cocaine, but loves Xanax...lots of it.
I came home from work and found my granddaughter (she was 7 at the time) standing alone in the livingroom. I asked where her mom was and my granddaughter said "She fell asleep in her food again, gramma."
I about flipped out. Yes, there she was, passed out in her partially cooked food. She tried to make a meatloaf and it was half cooked. I thought she might have been dead as there was no movement so I felt her carotid. She was fine.
I immediately called Department of Children and Families.
Long story short, We have custody again. It was NOT a safe environment for my granddaugher and I will never doubt my gut again, but I had to learn the hard way.

My daughter is now in a halfway house and has been clean for 6 months. Getting her there is another story...and heartbreaking at best.

Do what you feel in your heart and gut. Don't doubt your feelings...I can only tell you what I did and I am so glad I finally stood up to her demons...

My very best to you, from one grandmum to another....
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Old 01-06-2008, 04:29 PM
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(((((((((Stephensmom)))))))))))

It's so very sad when addicts have children that suffer.
I wish I had grandchildren, but I also thank God, that I don't.
My son recently turned 26. He can't take care of himself, let alone
children. I say, do what you can to ensure the safety and well being
of those children. They deserve happiness.
My 56 yo sister is raising her 5 yo grandson. Her addict son is in jail. Again.
She struggles, yes, but wouldn't have done things any differently.
Her grandson, Gage is in kindergarten now and is on medication for adhd.
He's a good boy and I love'em. Whenever I see him, I always bring him something. Books, stickers, a fake moustache. You get the idea. lol
Sending prayers that things work out and the children get the attention
and care they deserve.
Hugs,
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Old 01-06-2008, 04:50 PM
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just sending hugs and prayers..
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Old 01-07-2008, 06:13 AM
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We have custody of our three yr old granddaughter. You are doing the right thing. All my thoughts and prayers go out to you and the children.

Broken
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