I finally got rid of my recovering ex boyf
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: manchester, uk
Posts: 6
I finally got rid of my recovering ex boyf
my ex is in recovery in rehab he's:codiepolice been there 5months now. i detached at 3 months and had no contact, then he called me over xmas to say hello he began texting once every three days once he went back to rehab after his 7 day home leave. i was ok with this because the contact was amicable. He text me last night to tell me he has fallen in love with a girl at rehab, i chose not to react and just said good luck.. after this he has been texting me and trying to analyse my behaviour. i said to him he shouldnt concentrate on what i do when hes the addict which i now feel is a bit harsh!!! He kept goading me so i threatened him that if he continues to harrass me i will call his rehab and tell them he is having a relationship in there which is not allowed. needless to say i havent heard from him. do you think this is wicked of me to say those things to him!!:codiepolice
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
I don't know if it is wicked. I do know that if he is doing what he says he is doing you are better off without him. However, that is your decision as well.
If you "tell" on him, what is the reason? Is the reason because you want to control him? Is it because you want to punish him? Is it because you want him back? Why would you tell? If it gets him kicked out, is that not counterproductive?
Examine your REASONS and if they have to do with YOUR recovery and making YOU better, then they are good reasons. If they are to punish him, get revenge, hurt him etc. then those reason are not focusing on you but on him.
That is my take on this. Hugs to you and good luck with this!
If you "tell" on him, what is the reason? Is the reason because you want to control him? Is it because you want to punish him? Is it because you want him back? Why would you tell? If it gets him kicked out, is that not counterproductive?
Examine your REASONS and if they have to do with YOUR recovery and making YOU better, then they are good reasons. If they are to punish him, get revenge, hurt him etc. then those reason are not focusing on you but on him.
That is my take on this. Hugs to you and good luck with this!
Ending the Old Me.
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Under a Rock
Posts: 377
Harsh - not in my book. He's in rehab, supposed to be working on himself and he has the time to "fall in love".
I seriously doubt that, but at a minimum, after 3 months of no contact, he tries to get a reaction out of you. Doesn't sound to me like someone whose embracing rehab. He tried out the jealousy card and you didn't bite. The words manipulation and immature come to mind.
I doubt you would have actually called the rehab center about his "relationship" but it seems it was an effective tool to stop his attempts to get you back.
I really hope rehab works for him and he has a clean and productive life, no one deserves a life of addiction; but you do what you need to do for you.
I seriously doubt that, but at a minimum, after 3 months of no contact, he tries to get a reaction out of you. Doesn't sound to me like someone whose embracing rehab. He tried out the jealousy card and you didn't bite. The words manipulation and immature come to mind.
I doubt you would have actually called the rehab center about his "relationship" but it seems it was an effective tool to stop his attempts to get you back.
I really hope rehab works for him and he has a clean and productive life, no one deserves a life of addiction; but you do what you need to do for you.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
my ex is in recovery in rehab he's:codiepolice been there 5months now. i detached at 3 months and had no contact, then he called me over xmas to say hello he began texting once every three days once he went back to rehab after his 7 day home leave. i was ok with this because the contact was amicable. He text me last night to tell me he has fallen in love with a girl at rehab, i chose not to react and just said good luck.. after this he has been texting me and trying to analyse my behaviour. i said to him he shouldnt concentrate on what i do when hes the addict which i now feel is a bit harsh!!! He kept goading me so i threatened him that if he continues to harrass me i will call his rehab and tell them he is having a relationship in there which is not allowed. needless to say i havent heard from him. do you think this is wicked of me to say those things to him!!:codiepolice
I don't think it was wicked of you, but human.
I do personally think 'he kept goading you' because you let him. Not because he is an addict and you are not. If You call him and report "his behavior" to his rehab it is you involving yourself into his drama, so whatever comes back to you, I hope you expect it, and don't think the reprecussions of it are because 'he is an addict'.
(I don't mean that as mean as it sounds)
You did it before, Made and had No contact, with him. It's pretty easy, you can do that again, or you can continue to play games with him. As long as you keep up the conversation with him, it's not only him, it's you engaging in it as well.
I'm not saying that is wrong. Just that is takes two people to talk on the phone and make decisions. He only has the power over you that you give him.
Your doing so well, Keep up the good work!
:ghug2
I don't think it was wicked of you, but human.
I do personally think 'he kept goading you' because you let him. Not because he is an addict and you are not. If You call him and report "his behavior" to his rehab it is you involving yourself into his drama, so whatever comes back to you, I hope you expect it, and don't think the reprecussions of it are because 'he is an addict'.
(I don't mean that as mean as it sounds)
You did it before, Made and had No contact, with him. It's pretty easy, you can do that again, or you can continue to play games with him. As long as you keep up the conversation with him, it's not only him, it's you engaging in it as well.
I'm not saying that is wrong. Just that is takes two people to talk on the phone and make decisions. He only has the power over you that you give him.
Your doing so well, Keep up the good work!
:ghug2
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Saying unkind things to anyone is hurtful, but we've all been guilty one time or another when our tempers get the best of us. Doesn't make it right, but it makes it human.
Calling rehab would be a bad idea. His recovery there just doesn't have your name on it and it's his responsibility to obey the rules and his consequence if he doesn't. They are smarter than you think at these places and may already be handling it.
My thoughts are that maybe this is just a lucky break for you. He's new in recovery and comes with no guarantees, he's already treating you badly whether he is telling the truth about the new girl or making it up to test your reaction..really, who needs that?
I know it probably hurts right now, but your pain will be shortlived compared to living a lifetime with someone who treats you badly.
Hugs
Calling rehab would be a bad idea. His recovery there just doesn't have your name on it and it's his responsibility to obey the rules and his consequence if he doesn't. They are smarter than you think at these places and may already be handling it.
My thoughts are that maybe this is just a lucky break for you. He's new in recovery and comes with no guarantees, he's already treating you badly whether he is telling the truth about the new girl or making it up to test your reaction..really, who needs that?
I know it probably hurts right now, but your pain will be shortlived compared to living a lifetime with someone who treats you badly.
Hugs
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