havehope

Sending more welcomes from another mom. My 21 yr daughter is the addict in my life. I know your pain. It is not easy and I learned that if I took baby steps in my own recovery, it was easier. I always expected too much from myself and I was disappointed when I couldn't "fix" my daughter. But letting go of her, although the hardest thing I have done, was the best for both of us. I will never give up on her, and will always love her, but this is her own journey she has to travel.
I also found that when I was comfortable sharing my story with others - I was amazed at how many other people had addicts in their lives. I think it does help to talk to others who you trust about it. Also, if you can go to a counselor. Mine has helped me tremendously. She has given me the permission I needed to feel the way I do, if that makes sense.
Anyway, welcome again and keep reading and posting.
You are not alone.
HUGS

caileesnana

welcome to SR. I am also the mom of an AD, 23. I am so sorry another parent is going through this. I have lived through your hell, and wouldn't wish it on anyone. Keep posting, there are many here who will walk w/ you. We are not alone,

susan
:praying

sheisanaddict

Natsu

Welcome from a Mom of an addict
Know you are not alone, The folks here have given me understanding, ideas and just listened. Use what helps and leave the rest.
When I go to Alanon meetings they get me thru the week. Find one that works for you.
And last but not least do something for your self today
Trisha

puddinface

Oh gosh...this is all too familiar. Just another mom here...addict in my life is my 21 year old son. I know exactly how you feel as all others here do too. Every morning I get up and start thinking about him and his addiction and my mind just keeps going. Sometimes I have to force myself to just stop thinking about him. He's getting ready to go into long term rehab and I feel such relief. (Court ordered) Keep reading...these friends have helped me tremendously. Theres not a day that I dont log on and read everyone's stories and feel so much better to know we are not alone...we are here for each other. Hang in there kiddo.

marteen

Welcome from another mom of an addict; my nearly 27 yr old daughter, who, right now, appears to be clean and working hard.

It wasn't always so. She, too, grew into a stranger and said some of the nastiest, meanest things to me that I have ever heard from anyone. It wasn't her talking, walking or living; it was the drugs and the addiction. And it's what addicts do; they take it from the same handbook.

I'm glad you found SR; this place really saved my life. Hang in there and try to concentrate and get help for YOU because YOU, my dear, are the only one you can help. You cannot help or fix him even though that is the instinct of us mothers. I know I just HAD to take my focus off of my AD; I could not have a front-row seat to her addictive behavior. Be glad you are not. He needs to be told he can't live there anymore when you see him again but in the meantime, he's not living there anymore anyway so help YOU.

Hugs,
Marteen

Hangin' In

Natsu,

Meetings and this board allow you a safe place to reveal your true feelings. We understand. We've been there and do not judge. The people at my meetings are my most trusted friends and I can say anything about my AD or my recovery that I want and I know they understand. That is why I suggest meetings and this board. I just can't explain to you how much being able to talk with folks face to face has helped me. I hope you'll seek out a meeting because they really are like free counseling sessions.

Hang in there. You have all of us here supporting you.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

sleepygoat

Another mom here to say it does get better - or rather we do, even if our addict children do not. You did good by changing the locks and the ATM card/PIN (my addict daughter did the same stuff; using my pin and depleating our checking account, robbing our house when we were away, stealing from my purse...).

The feelings you are having are so normal. Its a huge shock and the fear is overpowering (accept when we replace it with anger - and then the anger is overpowering too). I found that I had to cycle thru all the stages of grief several times over (denial, anger, bargaining, despair, acceptance)- sometimes all of them in a single day, for weeks to months. I read somewhere that human beings can only stay in crisis mode for a few weeks - and then we somehow learn to function again and adapt. Over time (its been a year and a half for me), I've had awful times and Ok times, but the awful times are shorter, and overall I have become stronger and at the same time become more reliant on God and others (my friends, and the people here too). Take comfort in knowing you are not alone. We know exactly what you are going thru and will listen to you vent and cry as often as you need to.

CarolD

Welcome from me too..
..
I spent 10 years dealing with my 2 alcoholic/addicted adult children.
Slowly, I too became an alcoholic and yes I dabbled with drugs
They never saw me drink or use.

Not until I found Al anon did I get to the point
of allowing no contact and turned them over to God.

Sooo...here we are some 30 years later.

Ross has been missing for 13 years
I think of him healthy and happy on a beach.

Anne lives near her 3 children and Grandson
She did recently call me ...drunk.
However...she is in NA so that's good.

Me? The drugs went long before I quit drinking
in '89. God and AA allow me to thrive in
serenity and joy.

There is peace and healing for you and your family.
It's there ..often in the oddest ways
and from the hearts of new friends.

Blessings

stephensmom

I am going through the same thing. I am trying to take it a day at a time. It is a very had thing to do.

My son has been missing since December 11th. He even missed xmas. He has never done this before.

Hopefully they will both come to their senses and get help.