Want to share my favorite present from my AD
Hug giver-outer!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: The State of Possibilities
Posts: 533
Want to share my favorite present from my AD
Those of you who know me and have walked with me, know that the furthest thing from my mind for this Christmas was the expectation of having my clean “behaving and talking” AD and our adorable 2 ˝ yr, sweet granddaughter with us for a “family” Christmas. After last year, when we were not allowed to speak to her or granddaughter for the whole year, including Christmas.
Well, wonders never cease to amaze me! HER choice, HER behavior and HER actions; she spent the Christmas Eve here with grandbaby and the next day. And it was pleasant, relaxing and it did mine and Mr. M’s heart good to see her as content as she was and looking at old family pictures, laughing and enjoying herself.
She does not have a lot of money so I told her to not waste it on us but to use it for grandbaby. But she got us both, and it was especially touching and moving for me after all the meanness of the addictive behavior – she got us each thoughtful and extremely meaningful cards with a personal note that meant more to me than a million dollar gift could ever mean.
She said she took time and looked in lots of stores for the right ones, that said what she wanted to say. Mine said inside: “From the beginning, you’ve been there for me, supporting me, encouraging me, and believing in me. Your love still inspires me every day. Thanks, Mom. I love you.”
Then she added the most important thing; her own note that said that those words meant exactly what she wanted to say and added that she knew, when I was trying to be strong with her, it was breaking my heart but she was so glad that I did not accept her behavior and wanted better and more for her. She said so many around her did not care what she did especially to herself. And she knew that if she were to come back to me, I would have to be able to be proud of her for what she did for herself. She said it was always “there” in the back of her mind and kept her going and fighting.
That, alone, is an amazing change that I never expected. I can’t tell you how glad I am that I was secure enough in MY recovery to be able to enjoy what she is showing of hers.
Thanks for letting me share.
Hugs,
Marteen
:praying
Well, wonders never cease to amaze me! HER choice, HER behavior and HER actions; she spent the Christmas Eve here with grandbaby and the next day. And it was pleasant, relaxing and it did mine and Mr. M’s heart good to see her as content as she was and looking at old family pictures, laughing and enjoying herself.
She does not have a lot of money so I told her to not waste it on us but to use it for grandbaby. But she got us both, and it was especially touching and moving for me after all the meanness of the addictive behavior – she got us each thoughtful and extremely meaningful cards with a personal note that meant more to me than a million dollar gift could ever mean.
She said she took time and looked in lots of stores for the right ones, that said what she wanted to say. Mine said inside: “From the beginning, you’ve been there for me, supporting me, encouraging me, and believing in me. Your love still inspires me every day. Thanks, Mom. I love you.”
Then she added the most important thing; her own note that said that those words meant exactly what she wanted to say and added that she knew, when I was trying to be strong with her, it was breaking my heart but she was so glad that I did not accept her behavior and wanted better and more for her. She said so many around her did not care what she did especially to herself. And she knew that if she were to come back to me, I would have to be able to be proud of her for what she did for herself. She said it was always “there” in the back of her mind and kept her going and fighting.
That, alone, is an amazing change that I never expected. I can’t tell you how glad I am that I was secure enough in MY recovery to be able to enjoy what she is showing of hers.
Thanks for letting me share.
Hugs,
Marteen
:praying
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Marteen,
You're making me cry over here....!
I am SO happy you enjoyed your Xmas with daughter and grand baby, it gives me great hope and encourages my faith....
Hugs to you, Marteen..
You're making me cry over here....!
I am SO happy you enjoyed your Xmas with daughter and grand baby, it gives me great hope and encourages my faith....
Hugs to you, Marteen..
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Oh lordy, never stand under a crying Moose.
Marteen, that's just the sweetest thing and touches my heart deeply. Just goes to show that miracles really do happen and I am so happy they happened for you and your family.
Okay, pass the tissues and move over, Moose. I love happy endings.
Hugs
Marteen, that's just the sweetest thing and touches my heart deeply. Just goes to show that miracles really do happen and I am so happy they happened for you and your family.
Okay, pass the tissues and move over, Moose. I love happy endings.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
I think we may need a few more boxes. Marteen that was beautiful. I pray that someday my daughter will say words like those to me. I really do believe that our children hear our words and see our positive actions even if they don't show it at the time. Thank you for sharing her words with us. Hugs, Marle
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Make it a whole case of tissues; I can't stop sniffling!...Marteen, I know this must have been the most amazing gift ever. How many times have you read it? (I've read what you wrote about 5 already...I have the card memorized, lol)
Your post sends hope to all who love addicts...I do believe that our kids know how much we love them and that we have to establish boundaries and let them find their own way in order for them to have a chance to choose recovery. Hugs
Your post sends hope to all who love addicts...I do believe that our kids know how much we love them and that we have to establish boundaries and let them find their own way in order for them to have a chance to choose recovery. Hugs
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
((((((((((Marteen)))))))))))
I am so very happy for you and your family. It sounds as if it was the perfect Christmas this year. Yes, sir, it does.
God Bless you, Mr. M, that sweetie pie grandbaby, and lots of extra special blessings for the lady of the hour. The one who's words just made a whole room full of moms, cry like there's no tomorrow.
Great continued happiness, sweetie.
Happy 2008
Love ya,
Linda
I am so very happy for you and your family. It sounds as if it was the perfect Christmas this year. Yes, sir, it does.
God Bless you, Mr. M, that sweetie pie grandbaby, and lots of extra special blessings for the lady of the hour. The one who's words just made a whole room full of moms, cry like there's no tomorrow.
Great continued happiness, sweetie.
Happy 2008
Love ya,
Linda
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
((((((Marteen))))
I am soooooooo happy for you and your family. I know you have been thru hell and back. You have stood your ground when your heart was breaking and I truly admire you for how you have handled your life.
I pray that things will only get better.
I am soooooooo happy for you and your family. I know you have been thru hell and back. You have stood your ground when your heart was breaking and I truly admire you for how you have handled your life.
I pray that things will only get better.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i know what you have been through & i am so happy that your daughter has reached "her enough" point & you have her back & have that sweet grand daughter with you. i do believe in miracles. hugs,
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
I'm thinking your daughter clicked her heels three times, and said
"There's no place like home"
"There's no place like home"
"There's no place like home"
Geez...I'm sniffling all over again reading it this morning....
"There's no place like home"
"There's no place like home"
"There's no place like home"
Geez...I'm sniffling all over again reading it this morning....
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Marteen,
You and I go WAY back as far as being on this board is concerned. I remember the early days of us discussing our daughters, of sharing concerns (that's a nice way of saying what we used to say, "Why are our daughters making such STUPID decisions?"), and sharing our recovery.
It has been a long road to this point for both of us and just goes to show that we don't know the future, no matter how bleak it may look at times. I just love how this program works...that if you work it, it works. And one of the greatest blessings is that sometimes our changed behavior in some way affects our addicted loved ones life and they decide to make a change. Now I am not saying there are guarantees, but Marteen I've watched you and I know your recovery has been an example to both of your girls.
I am just thrilled you and Mr. Marteen had this great Christmas with your AD. My mama's gut tells me (and you know our mama's gut doesn't lie
) that this is just the beginning of better things for your family.
Thanks so much for sharing this with us. I wish I were there so I could hug you and let you know how happy I am for you.:ghug3
Love you,
Hangin' In
You and I go WAY back as far as being on this board is concerned. I remember the early days of us discussing our daughters, of sharing concerns (that's a nice way of saying what we used to say, "Why are our daughters making such STUPID decisions?"), and sharing our recovery.
It has been a long road to this point for both of us and just goes to show that we don't know the future, no matter how bleak it may look at times. I just love how this program works...that if you work it, it works. And one of the greatest blessings is that sometimes our changed behavior in some way affects our addicted loved ones life and they decide to make a change. Now I am not saying there are guarantees, but Marteen I've watched you and I know your recovery has been an example to both of your girls.
I am just thrilled you and Mr. Marteen had this great Christmas with your AD. My mama's gut tells me (and you know our mama's gut doesn't lie
) that this is just the beginning of better things for your family.Thanks so much for sharing this with us. I wish I were there so I could hug you and let you know how happy I am for you.:ghug3
Love you,
Hangin' In
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
oh I'm so happy for you!!!!!!!!!
In the card my RAS gave me he wrote alittle note that said, "Mom, thanks for "enabling" me to strive to be a better person".
makes ya all mushy don't it!!
In the card my RAS gave me he wrote alittle note that said, "Mom, thanks for "enabling" me to strive to be a better person".
makes ya all mushy don't it!!
Hug giver-outer!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: The State of Possibilities
Posts: 533
It's funny, I brought the card to work with me so I can read it. Of course, I also have SD's card, too. But she has always given and written the most thoughtful cards and notes. She is the one we have depended on so much for being so thoughtful and caring.
AD is calling me everyday just to say hi and see how her dad and I are doing. Then she fills me in in grandbaby's news. It still feels alien to have her call me like she used to before she started the cocaine use and so on and so on.... Funny, how something that used to be so familiar still has that "strangeness" about it because of what the addictive behavior changed.
I'm enjoying it very much but part of me, deep inside, is still standing in front of the gate with the sword held firmly in one hand! Oh, dear! I'm afraid I've admitted it. The "fear" is still there; I wonder how long it takes before it leaves or if it ever really leaves at all? Oh, well, the "keeper of the heart" as I call it will just have to continue to play sentry duty while I enjoy what I can for now just outside its bounds.
Sigh! I'm so glad that I've worked so hard on my recovery that I don't completely awfulize or try to stir up any drama like I used to.
Hugs,
Marteen
AD is calling me everyday just to say hi and see how her dad and I are doing. Then she fills me in in grandbaby's news. It still feels alien to have her call me like she used to before she started the cocaine use and so on and so on.... Funny, how something that used to be so familiar still has that "strangeness" about it because of what the addictive behavior changed.
I'm enjoying it very much but part of me, deep inside, is still standing in front of the gate with the sword held firmly in one hand! Oh, dear! I'm afraid I've admitted it. The "fear" is still there; I wonder how long it takes before it leaves or if it ever really leaves at all? Oh, well, the "keeper of the heart" as I call it will just have to continue to play sentry duty while I enjoy what I can for now just outside its bounds.
Sigh! I'm so glad that I've worked so hard on my recovery that I don't completely awfulize or try to stir up any drama like I used to.
Hugs,
Marteen
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