j & j...back in detention & back in jail
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
j & j...back in detention & back in jail
well i got the dreaded phone calls within 15 minutes of each other. my heart is broken but i will get thru this. i do not know where my strength comes from except through my H.P. & the support of my f&f here & my wonderful husband. i feel broken even if i do appear strong. big happy new year to me. same thing different year.....
little j's social worker called me & ask how things went over christmas. they went wonderful. (or so i thought ..again, not so.) when they checked his bags before he took them in to his room they found pot.where the heck he got it from i do not know. he never left this house or my sight while he was here from sunday-friday. he ran again from the group home a couple of days later. the social worker did not know exactly when. within seconds after talking to him the phone rang & it was j. i ask him if he had heard from little j. & he said yes he had left to go to a friends house, that he had been with him for 2 days & 2 nites.he said he talked to him about getting in troube on the run & doing the right things. he said had just been picked up (cops) at his grandmothers house. i got a beep, it was his other grandmother & i would call him back after i talked to her. she said he came there & his grandfather called the cops,she had been at work & had just got home & found out. i no sooner hung up than j's g.f. called & said that j. had just been picked up by the sheriff. i said u mean little j. she said no j. i got madder than heck, that was the feeling i had, just hot fury. she said he was arrested for beating up ****** last night. i ask her if that was who almost put him in the hospital 2 weeks ago.she said no, they were *******&*****&*****&**** like i knew these people. he had warrants for assualt,resisting arrest & i do not know what else. j. has been calling here over & over. i will not answer the phone. my daughter said he called her & he is wanting someone to just say they will pay the money (bond)if he runs. it will not cost anything unless he does run. his g.f. knows the bondsman.she said he was begging. this is the same county where he got the charges for assult & b.&e 2 weeks ago. this is the county they said he could not get even a misdomenia charge with out serving 18-life. how did things get like this? how did i get a child like this? i am strong but why is it some of us have 7 perfect kids & other have an addict? i have really tried to distance myself from j. this year & 4 months he has been home but i love my son so much. i do not understand why j & little j. both can not do the right things. i know i am ranting but i need to vent. how can j. do this & set these example for little j. i do not get it. i am the bad parent because he thinks I AM NOT THERE FOR HIM... i do not get it. i guess it is going to end here on the outside soon. j. has court dates, jan.7,jan,15 & then march 3.he had till the
7th to come up with the 450 bucks to finish his pd.lawyer. he was not getting but 90days on that charge. that lawyer made it clear he would not repersent him if he was not fully pd. i guess this is j.'s fault too. let him suffer the consequences. he has court dates in 3 different countys. j. is 36, little j turns 16 tomorrow.happy birthday,sweet 16....i hurt & it just goes on & on & on....never ending. nothing shocks me anymore.................... i just want it to stop.
little j's social worker called me & ask how things went over christmas. they went wonderful. (or so i thought ..again, not so.) when they checked his bags before he took them in to his room they found pot.where the heck he got it from i do not know. he never left this house or my sight while he was here from sunday-friday. he ran again from the group home a couple of days later. the social worker did not know exactly when. within seconds after talking to him the phone rang & it was j. i ask him if he had heard from little j. & he said yes he had left to go to a friends house, that he had been with him for 2 days & 2 nites.he said he talked to him about getting in troube on the run & doing the right things. he said had just been picked up (cops) at his grandmothers house. i got a beep, it was his other grandmother & i would call him back after i talked to her. she said he came there & his grandfather called the cops,she had been at work & had just got home & found out. i no sooner hung up than j's g.f. called & said that j. had just been picked up by the sheriff. i said u mean little j. she said no j. i got madder than heck, that was the feeling i had, just hot fury. she said he was arrested for beating up ****** last night. i ask her if that was who almost put him in the hospital 2 weeks ago.she said no, they were *******&*****&*****&**** like i knew these people. he had warrants for assualt,resisting arrest & i do not know what else. j. has been calling here over & over. i will not answer the phone. my daughter said he called her & he is wanting someone to just say they will pay the money (bond)if he runs. it will not cost anything unless he does run. his g.f. knows the bondsman.she said he was begging. this is the same county where he got the charges for assult & b.&e 2 weeks ago. this is the county they said he could not get even a misdomenia charge with out serving 18-life. how did things get like this? how did i get a child like this? i am strong but why is it some of us have 7 perfect kids & other have an addict? i have really tried to distance myself from j. this year & 4 months he has been home but i love my son so much. i do not understand why j & little j. both can not do the right things. i know i am ranting but i need to vent. how can j. do this & set these example for little j. i do not get it. i am the bad parent because he thinks I AM NOT THERE FOR HIM... i do not get it. i guess it is going to end here on the outside soon. j. has court dates, jan.7,jan,15 & then march 3.he had till the
7th to come up with the 450 bucks to finish his pd.lawyer. he was not getting but 90days on that charge. that lawyer made it clear he would not repersent him if he was not fully pd. i guess this is j.'s fault too. let him suffer the consequences. he has court dates in 3 different countys. j. is 36, little j turns 16 tomorrow.happy birthday,sweet 16....i hurt & it just goes on & on & on....never ending. nothing shocks me anymore.................... i just want it to stop.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
((( hope)))
I am so sorry for your pain, but you know what to do. These are grown up choices your J's have made, and they come with grown up consequences. None of this is your doing... none of this is about you. Each of them gets to learn their life lessons.
I know this is hard for you, but the best you can do is to do something nice for yourself and let things unfold as they will
Read your post again, and think about what YOU would tell ME if I had written it.
Big hugs
Cats
I am so sorry for your pain, but you know what to do. These are grown up choices your J's have made, and they come with grown up consequences. None of this is your doing... none of this is about you. Each of them gets to learn their life lessons.
I know this is hard for you, but the best you can do is to do something nice for yourself and let things unfold as they will
Read your post again, and think about what YOU would tell ME if I had written it.
Big hugs
Cats
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It is so hard to try and figure these kids out and know deep down that there is no answers. I often wonder if I did this instead of that, would my son never have picked up drugs in the first place. but no matter what i (or you) would have done or not done would have made a difference, they used because they chose to.
hugs and prayers
hugs and prayers
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: on top of the hill
Posts: 197
((( hope213 )))
I am so sorry this is happening to you. You have given so many of us support and so much reason, Hope. I know you are a very strong person, and you will get through this. I wish I had better words for you, I'm certain others will be along very shortly. I do know you are not a bad parent. You know addicts love to play head games with you. Hold on Hope, we're here for you. (((((hugs)))))
I am so sorry this is happening to you. You have given so many of us support and so much reason, Hope. I know you are a very strong person, and you will get through this. I wish I had better words for you, I'm certain others will be along very shortly. I do know you are not a bad parent. You know addicts love to play head games with you. Hold on Hope, we're here for you. (((((hugs)))))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Just sending some hugs. Many times I have thought why me? Why is my only child, the one that I wanted so desperately and waited so long to have an addict. Only God knows the answers. Only God knows the future. So I put my hope in His plan and try to live my life the best way I know how. You will get through this Hope and no, we are not bad mothers. We did our best. Hugs, Marle
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
(((hope)))
Just hang one to your strength, and let him figure it out all on his own.
I surely can understand your rant. I was talking to my H.P. just yesterday, and trying to figure out the answers to the same questions you asked. I guess time will tell us why.
You take care of you,
head for the bubble bath,
or a pedicure,
or a spa, or something!
Hugs,
Just hang one to your strength, and let him figure it out all on his own.
I surely can understand your rant. I was talking to my H.P. just yesterday, and trying to figure out the answers to the same questions you asked. I guess time will tell us why.
You take care of you,
head for the bubble bath,
or a pedicure,
or a spa, or something!
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((hope)))
So sorry you are going through this, but I can assure you that their addiction and behavior has nothing to do with you.....you ARE a good mom and grandmom!
My XABF is one of 11 children. His mom was an absolutely wonderful mom, raised the kids by herself (with a lot of family support) after her husband died. My XABF and one of his brothers have been in the trouble with drugs and the law most of their adult life. Her other 9 children are awesome adults, with children of their own. She raised them all the same way and was even extremely supportive of ME - telling me that "if he doesn't want to do right, you take care of YOU and let him go....I'm going to love you whether you're with him or not" and was so proud of me for getting clean. She died on Aug. 6th and I miss her tremendously.
I was raised by loving parents, no alcohol/drug abuse in the house, and I STILL became an addict. It's not BECAUSE of anything you did, it's in SPITE of what you did.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
So sorry you are going through this, but I can assure you that their addiction and behavior has nothing to do with you.....you ARE a good mom and grandmom!
My XABF is one of 11 children. His mom was an absolutely wonderful mom, raised the kids by herself (with a lot of family support) after her husband died. My XABF and one of his brothers have been in the trouble with drugs and the law most of their adult life. Her other 9 children are awesome adults, with children of their own. She raised them all the same way and was even extremely supportive of ME - telling me that "if he doesn't want to do right, you take care of YOU and let him go....I'm going to love you whether you're with him or not" and was so proud of me for getting clean. She died on Aug. 6th and I miss her tremendously.
I was raised by loving parents, no alcohol/drug abuse in the house, and I STILL became an addict. It's not BECAUSE of anything you did, it's in SPITE of what you did.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
(((Hope)))
I know how hard it is to be in the middle of the chaos and am sending you my best bubble bath and earplugs so you can't hear the phone. Let Calgon take you away and let their HP's take care of them.
I am surprises we don't get whiplash some days, watching their world spin by.
Big Hugs and Lotsa Love
I know how hard it is to be in the middle of the chaos and am sending you my best bubble bath and earplugs so you can't hear the phone. Let Calgon take you away and let their HP's take care of them.
I am surprises we don't get whiplash some days, watching their world spin by.
Big Hugs and Lotsa Love
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Ahh, hope213, I don't have the experience of these wonderful women who are hovering around you right now, wrapping you in their arms with gentle love and support. But I do see that every one of them talked only of YOU, hope 213, not your J's. This is about you right now, sister. I hope you can see that it okay to let it go, just for a little bit here at first if that's all you can muster. Try one hour, just go take Ann's bath, read something mindless, and don't get out until the water is lukewarm. Then wrap up in your robe and get a bite to eat, something spoiling and selfish, and pamper yourself a little as if we were all there sitting around the kitchen table with you...
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
(((((Hope)))))
I'm so sorry 2008 started off so crummy. It hurts when these are our kids...our children and grandchildren and they face such tough consequences. But yes, it is their consequences and their choices. Nothing you have done or will do is the cause of this...you are a great, loving mom and grandmom. Vent away, let the hurt out so you can continue to move forward. You have such strong recovery and I know you will be able to get through this too. I thank God for your wonderful husband and for all your friends in the real world and here who care about you and want to walk this difficult path with you. Hugs and prayers
I'm so sorry 2008 started off so crummy. It hurts when these are our kids...our children and grandchildren and they face such tough consequences. But yes, it is their consequences and their choices. Nothing you have done or will do is the cause of this...you are a great, loving mom and grandmom. Vent away, let the hurt out so you can continue to move forward. You have such strong recovery and I know you will be able to get through this too. I thank God for your wonderful husband and for all your friends in the real world and here who care about you and want to walk this difficult path with you. Hugs and prayers
StrivingToThrive
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
(((HOPE)))
Sending prayers your way. You are strong and have a program to handle this newest dump. and a double whammy at that. ( what the heck!)
I agree with everyone else. take some time for yourself.
you deserve the peace it will bring.
Cathy
Sending prayers your way. You are strong and have a program to handle this newest dump. and a double whammy at that. ( what the heck!)
I agree with everyone else. take some time for yourself.
you deserve the peace it will bring.
Cathy
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
(((((((((((((((HOPE))))))))))))))) Hoping you don't get too many battle scars.
When they go down our mission is not to go down with them.
May your equilibrium reappear real soon
When they go down our mission is not to go down with them.
May your equilibrium reappear real soon
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: north carolina
Posts: 139
just wanted to send you some hugs to. and thank you for the support you have shown me in the past and say i am so sorry for the pain you feel tonight. (((((((hope))))))))
ps. my new fav junk food treat (if you have a sweet tooth like i do) nutter butters dipped in marshmallow fluff...omigosh....so good...try some
you could dip while doing the bubble bath!! it'll keep the sticky off...lol
ps. my new fav junk food treat (if you have a sweet tooth like i do) nutter butters dipped in marshmallow fluff...omigosh....so good...try some
you could dip while doing the bubble bath!! it'll keep the sticky off...lol
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
I wonder the same thing sometimes - why my only child? but genetically, mine was quite likely to wind up an addict, with both parents with the disease. I thought I could 'parent' her out of it! yeah, right. so here we are, hurt, sad, angry, and devastated by a disease we didn't cause, can't control, and can't cure. I know there is hope for our kids/grandkids as long as they are still alive, because I got clean and so many others I know. I also know what you are going thru when they get angry at us for somehow 'not being there' for them, or not being there enough, or in the way they wanted. I think its just an excuse - the blaming and anger- to continue using and not look at themselves.
I just keep working each day at letting go of 'them' and pleasing me, more and more. I still pray for my AD all the time and that still does help. you are not alone in any of this - thank god for SR.
I just keep working each day at letting go of 'them' and pleasing me, more and more. I still pray for my AD all the time and that still does help. you are not alone in any of this - thank god for SR.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Awww Hope,
I know the feeling of when is it ever going to end. You know no matter how many children you have if one gives you trouble it is still the same feelings that you have if you only have one. I have 3, and 1 grandchild, but my daughter has broken my heart into a million pieces. Yes, I do get a lot of joy from the other kids but there is still a hole in my heart from her. I don't share my pain with the other kids either. I know it will just create more sibling problems. So, I go it alone and it hurts like he**.
It is a shame that the holidays sometimes bring out the worst in people. Just know that you can come here and vent away and get a few hugs. Know that I am keeping you in thought and prayers this holiday season.
Hugs..................Lo
I know the feeling of when is it ever going to end. You know no matter how many children you have if one gives you trouble it is still the same feelings that you have if you only have one. I have 3, and 1 grandchild, but my daughter has broken my heart into a million pieces. Yes, I do get a lot of joy from the other kids but there is still a hole in my heart from her. I don't share my pain with the other kids either. I know it will just create more sibling problems. So, I go it alone and it hurts like he**.
It is a shame that the holidays sometimes bring out the worst in people. Just know that you can come here and vent away and get a few hugs. Know that I am keeping you in thought and prayers this holiday season.
Hugs..................Lo
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
jimmy, thank you for thinking i am a good mom. i have always tried to b & i know none of this is my fault. this is an old post almost a year old. lots has happened since i wrote this. my grandson is still in detention. he will probley be there till he is 18yrs. old.
my son got off lighter than i ever expected. but he is pulling 7-9 hard yrs in prison. i am still staying stong but it has been alot to swallow. i know neither one of them is out here doing harm to innocent people & want b for awhile. i am still getting my strength from this site & people like you. welcome to S.R. you keep coming back. look at all the people who have helped me thru my hard times. thanks to all of them. prayers,
my son got off lighter than i ever expected. but he is pulling 7-9 hard yrs in prison. i am still staying stong but it has been alot to swallow. i know neither one of them is out here doing harm to innocent people & want b for awhile. i am still getting my strength from this site & people like you. welcome to S.R. you keep coming back. look at all the people who have helped me thru my hard times. thanks to all of them. prayers,
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