kj21

My ex is having a very down day. He called to say his life is not worth living...he is changing but nothing else is...i do not really believe him when he says that becouse 3 days ago he took $40.00 from my daughters purse and took beer from my fridge, when I was not home (he got my son to let him in to pick up some of his stuff). He called me today to get the hospital phone number because he was afraid he was going to do something stupid. It made me mad. I was not sympathetic to him. I gave him the number and told him he needed to reach out to some family and forget about us and focus on his addiction not the relationship breaking up. Now I am feeling guilty, should I be more sympathetic? I told him that many times I had cried to him to come home, please stop the drugs and come home to me..but he didn't. Only when he was ready (out of money or gas) did he come home. Now all I feel is disgust when he talks all boo hoo to me. Should I cut off all contact? is it wrong to not be worried about him? I know you guys can't tell me what to do but i just need some other thoughts. I texted him after a few hours to ask if he was feeling better. He replied '"not at all, why?" Now I see I should have kept my distance if I was not ready to reply to that...it is hard. I just want him to get it together, but he is in a mess, financially, emotionally, mentally...AARRGG I on lthe other hand have been enjoying my time alone. I have been hanging with friends I haven't seen in a while, hanging with my kids...happy, until I think of him struggling so much.

Miss Pink

Wa wa whatttttttttttttttt?

He stole from you....and your feeling guilty?

Love, he is playing you like a fiddle. Hospital number? in case he does something stupid? He is dropping a huge guilt filled baited carrott and your biting.

He is manipulating to make you feel guilty so you will give him whatever it is he wants. He is the typical addict/alkie......pulling on the heart strings of those around him to get what he wants.

Something you might want to think over....if he stole from you child, why are you even speaking with him?

hello-kitty

Sounds very much like manipulation.

Repeat after me. "I didn't cause it. I can't control it. I can't cure it."

Stay strong.

hope213

hands off the addict. do not feel guilty about anything. not wanting to talk to him & not talking to him is taking care of you. his recovery is his. you are not powerful enough to make him or not make him do anything. prayers for you both,

kj21

Thanks happy soul~ I agree, no more texting, I thought it would make him feel better knowing I care about him as a person but it just opens it up to his replies. Learning, learning. learning. we are all learning together...thanks

marteen

Focus on you and your kids; save the sympathy for that. He will do what he wants to do with or without you. You cannot save him; that has to be his choice. All you can do is save yourself and strengthen what is YOUR life.

Leave his choices to him and don't trust what he says. It's the addiction talking.

Hugs,
Marteen

Ann

I say good for you for not letting him use self-harm threats as a way to manipulate you.

He will be how he will be, no matter what you do or don't do.

Save your energy for yourself and your kids, you are all much more deserving of happiness and peace.

Hugs

Hangin' In

KJ,

I've realized lately that when I my thoughts drift to my AD, my peace and serenity go out the window. So how do I fix that? I catch myself when I'm drifting to thoughts of her and do a U turn. Keeping the peace in my life is too important to me these days for me to give it up for thoughts that will do absolutely no good anyway. I cannot change ONE thing about her life. I can only change me.

Hope this helps you in some way.

Hugs,
Hangin' In