obsessed

I just decided I am soo very mad about this life I am having to deal with!!! I don't know why I can't just stand down and let someone else deal with all of this BS!!!!! I did not ask for this!! I went to wake Lauren up while ago and I actually thought if I had known this 19 years ago would I have still wanted a child?? Then the guilt comes for even thinking that!!! I have never even seen meth and it seems I am paying just as much and it is not fair!!! I can't keep thinking this way!!! I love that child more than life itself and I am not supposed to think like this but enough is enough!!!!

caileesnana

I have felt the same way, many times. Take a deep breath. Lauren is sick and needs help, the right kind of help.

Many on here have experience w/ meth, my AD played w/ it for a while, but it wasn't her thing.

Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas said "it's the hardest boyfriend I ever had to get rid of".

you are in my prayers, and I know the mad feeling.

prayers
susan

aztchr

My sister is a meth addict and my parents are very much angry, too!
It's ok to be angry and then sad and then everything all over again.
There is much support here for you!!

DevastatedJP

I also know that mad feeling!!! Fortunately, it's not my child but my husband who I love so much! I am very bitter because this is NOT what I signed on for. He is my soul mate and he has screwed everything up and our poor little girl is just thankfully 18 mo. old and doesn't know yet, but my older kids do and it makes me feel ashamed on top of all the other negative feelings I have to keep at bay.

Don't you love how "you" have to be in recovery for things "they" do? I still am trying to swallow that one. I DO believe though that we have to take care of ourselves like everyone says but I just don't know yet how to do that not still be in a constant state of worry, panic, or in fear for our addicts - what they may do to themselves, what they may steal from us, who else they may hurt or where they will lay their head at night.

It is still incomprehensible to me that something (a drug) can jump on you to such a point that nothing else matters. I've had so many people try to explain it to me and I'm struggling, truly struggling to understand. If you figure out the answer - please let me know - as a mother, I don't know how you bear it - it must be so painful to see you baby like that! I am so so sorry!:sorry

Miss Pink

I am in recovery for MY addiction.....to the addict.

Has very little to do with their disease,really.

Changed attitudes CAN aid recovery...theirs and ours.

Hang in there Obsessed, and go ahead and be as mad as ya wanna!!

marle

Mad is good sometimes if it makes you take a step back and let the addict go. I was so angry at my daughter at one point that I just wished that she would die and get it over with. I absolutely was repulsed by her and her behavior. But as I delved deeper into my anger I realized that really what I felt was a suffocating fear that she would not survive. My anger was just covering up the fear. It did not go away quickly. It was something that I had to go through and accept. Know what you feel is so normal when you have an addicted loved one. I had to be careful because I would feel the anger, think dark thoughts and then feel really guilty afterwards. That kept me on the rollercoaster with my daughter for too long. Cutting ties with my daughter until I had worked through my feelings and could just love her without expectations was what I had to do. You may find a different path and that is okay too. Hugs, Marle

hope213

feel the feeling, say a prayer & then let it go. that is how i deal with it. it is not mine. hugs & prayers,

cloudy

What you are feeling is very normal (Normal...ha....wouldn't "normal" be nice....) What a range of emotions there is in all this, and what a range of intensities as well. And what to do with it all as it all both catches up, and continues to build.

One of the best things to do right now is continue to communicate with those who are/have been in this type of situation (and it doesn't necessarily mean it has to involve the same "doc" though it certainly may happen that way). It just really helps to be in company of people who understand. I found a lot of understanding and help in Alanon as well as in support boards like this, which actually...the support boards came first (and hold strong still, along with local face to face groups). Hadn't ever heard of the other stuff before the support boards mentioned it.

sleepygoat

I have thought (since my daughter 'got' the disease of addiction from both me and her biological father who was also an addict) that I wish I had adopted - maybe a little girl from China? I imagine having a child who isn't an addict and how much better that would be. In fact, over Christmas I told my daughter I hope she doesn't have children because her child would in all likelyhood be an addict and that would suck for her, for me, and for the child who would grow up to be an addict.

Also, the last time she went missing and I feared for her life and was all stressed out - I though and even said out loud - "If she would die and get it over with, then I could get over her and get on with the rest of my life." Of course, once she turned up I forgot all of that and was grateful she was alive. But listen, these children of ours cause us so much pain and stress - of course we are going to sometimes wish they would just disappear. But it isn't my daughter I want gone; its her disease.

familymember

Anger.. I am right there with you... It has taken me months of being lied to by my brother to finally feel the anger. I am so angry with him, but underneath all the anger is SO much pain and sadness. Sadness that he is an addict and sad for myself and my family. It is such a rollar coaster, that I am constantly trying to get off of. I am so sick of this, I am just trying to get my life back.
I send you prayers and thoughts that you find peace and serenity.