kj21

I had a nice christmas...although all through it I just kept thinking, this is the last year we will be all together, his sons, his mother, my dad, my kids. I decided to celebrate together this year because our seperation is new and I know the kids (13-22 yrs) will want to be together. We have been celebrating for 12 years together. Kinda sad, but Ok becouse who kows what next year will bring. Over the last 5 years we have lost 3 family members ( my mom, his dad, my brother) so I really take each day as a blessing for who we still have to share life with.
this is my point to my thread though...
those of us who are breaking up with our Addicts, do you ever secretly feel a little better when they slip, like it gives you permission to leave, to not give them yet another chance. reassurance that you did the right thing? I know it is wrong, selfish, but it is how I feel sometimes...when I catch him in a lie, it makes me feel like " ya I did the right thing"
when he does the right things it makes me feel like maybe I am supposed to be there for him becouse he is trying...
Anyone else feel this way???

Stellargirl

I think that seems like a natural reaction. I just broke up with my ex and knowing he is likely hungover today with his family makes me feel like Yeah, I did the right thing.

Sounds to me like you are on the fence about breaking up. Have you made a decision yet? If he is a liar, let him go. Thats what I am doing.
Besides, lying to me about occasional coke use, he is an alcoholic and goes to the bars almost every night. Thats so lame.

This holiday is hard and I find myself missing him and then at the same moment going why? He is an ******* and lied to me more than once. Also, if he lied about drug use, I wonder what else he has lied about and if my health is at risk. But best not to dwell on those thoughts!

Cheers to letting go of the lying men in our lives! Yeah!

SG

Abundance

I have done that... but I'm a bit slow to the punch. With exah.. I learned a 3 month cycle (increments) ... of when I would find out about the relapse or some other lie..... but once it was over over.... and we were no longer living together..... I was glad about not being bothered to catch him in a lie.

In fact... on one of my visits getting some things.... he had been going on about being clean... and he was very energetic and lively! So I was going through the cupboards in the kitchen and above the stove there was my hand mirror with a bits of powder (about half a lines worth) - ... and a razor blade. All I could do was laugh about it... like.. uh huh... and had that of been a month prior when we were together... I would have done my nut!

I'm looking forward to not having the feeling and wondering when and if my exabf is using... it totally consumed me. Him letting me go.. releasing me... is a blessing in disguise...

That is really good you all shared Christmas and you took the time to acknowledge that this very well could be the last time. You are taking control of your situation... you are beginning the process and healing for you.

Glad you saw the good in today......

kj21

Stellargirl~Sounds to me like you are on the fence about breaking up. Have you made a decision yet? If he is a liar, let him go. Thats what I am doing.

I have decided to break up with him. He has lied to me ALOT. even now when he should be trying his hardest to show he is trying to be good, he lies...
He tells me he is holding hope we will get together one day. But I know we won't be, I told him I do not want to give him false hope, maybe being friends is blurring reality for him? Oh well, on with my life now, holidays are over and time to really move forward!!

BigSis

(((kj))) Sounds like you helped make a wonderful holiday for everyone... that takes a lot of effort. I don't think anyone, whether dealing with addiction or not, can go through such a major change as a breakup without having doubts and wondering "what if"... when we get a glimpse of "what is" - by a relapse or a blowup or even just a conversation, I think each of us is comforted by the thought of "I am doing the right thing".


(((hugs))))

CatsPajamas

I am still on my first cup of coffee and my brain is a bit fuzzy... but those little affirmations are prevalent in many things. Consciously or subconsciously we look for things that will confirm to us we made a good decision.... like when you buy something, you still might check the prices on it for a while to make sure you got a good deal! Or when you change jobs, you still talk to people at the old place to make sure it is still the same nasty place it was when you decided to leave.

It sounds to me like you handled yourself well and enjoyed the holiday. I would count that as a big success!

Hugs
Cats